The (does it have to be dirty?) Limerick

3 Conversations

The following limericks, and those found in the conversations below, are all attempts at having "clean" limericks. Not always possible to pull off, but at the very least we try our d****est ;-)

Past Limericks

There once was a young woman from kent

who's morals were slightly bent

Whenever she clasped her hands

she delighted all of her fans

By stopping and saying "Bugger you, gents"

There once was a man from Nantucket

who went to the doctor and told him to tucket

but the doctor misheard,

the man's words being rather slurred,

and cut it off and chucked it!

There once was a dog from Poughkeepsie...

Who's owner was a lovely young Gypsy

One night she fed him goulash,

But ended feeling foolish

so they drank some wine and got tipsy!

There once was a doll from Detroit,

who's speech was rather adriot

she was considered bright and witty,

which is really quite a pitty,

because she was really born in Beloit!

Old Paddy McDougal of Dublin,

knew many a' folk in Lublin,

he liked to make crank phone calls,

rob old women of their shawls,

but his soup pot was always bubblin'!

Carmen Miranda went down to Rio,

to escape allegations of relation to Miss Cleo

but she turned right at Panama

and she lost her camera,

Now she's married to Mr. Castillo.

Pauly O'Brien married in Taiwan

a cute little dancer from Hong Kong

The scandal was international

and the gossips were being irrational,

if quite intentional,

some people just don't know right from wrong

There was a young sailor from Greece

who sailed in search of the Golden Fleece

he sowed some teeth and yoked some bulls,

and applied plenty of pitch to his ships' hulls,

which helped him get rid of the gulls,

And had adventures that never cease.

Patty Laboule was born in Voulez Vous,

her husband yelled: Couchez avec nous!!,

when he bought her a croissant,

she said: C'est pas bon,

mais je préférerais deux!

Mark Finn was born into sin

and spent his finer days in a bin,

He died one spring day

in quite an olde fashioned way,

By getting uncommonly thin

I once found a poodle in a boat,

attatched to its neck I found this note:

To whom it may concern

my owner will pay for my return,

if you deposit me in his moat

Eating pretzels on a summer Sunday

putting the car in third as I drive my Hyundai,

the car's air conditoner is on the fritz,

Do you know how much CO2 this AC emits?

For my pretzels won't last till Monday.

A flower of any other hue

than this sickly colour of blue

would be too good for my wife

I don't want to cause any strife,

(besides: I've got a sharp knife)

But I hate how that woman chews!

Paul thought his shoes explainitory,

when asked if they were his he answered in the negatory,

instead he pointed at his socks

which he kept in a box,

and found the question highly discriminatory.

My smelly old cat is lost,

I wish I could recover me costs

he cost me a small fortune to train,

to bite poodles and maim

those reading poems of Sir Robert Frost

I woke up from a fantasy

that I was a character in Homer's Odyssey,

them Greek ladies really made me weak,

if only I could get me a kiss on the cheek

and never again have to sail upon the sea.

The Bradys slept in a double bed,

yep, just count 'em, all eight heads,

The strictest rule they kept,

at least while they all slept,

was to follow if any of them led

An apple fell off of a tree

and landed smack! on my bad knee,

I hollered and cursed,

the pain couldn't be any worse,

that's what I get for havin' something for free.

Carter Kreutz went searching for his roots,

and found a great uncle who once made boots,

he made several inquiries

and read lots of diaries

and found it wasn't worth two hoots.

Jill and Bill
, who lived under a hill,

would do anything to give them a thrill

they placed ads in newspapers far and wide

looking for people to stand by their side

they weren't strange or kinky, just run-of-the-mill.

I once owned a horse with no name,

it was ugly, old and lame,

but that didn't deter it

from throwing a big fit,

regarding its lack of much fame.

Two rhinos and a kakapo

were fined for driving too slow,

the officer exclaimed:

it would help if you refrained

from cruising with the bobo.

This song is stuck in my head,

ever since the moment I got out of bed

it's by that annoying pop star

wish someone ran him down with his car,

So we'd be grateful and he'd be dead.

The strawberries are late this year

and I do so long for a beer,

There's so much I lack

what I need is a good plan of attack,

to help dispell my fears

Every day I enjoy a cup of yogurt,

It soothes the pain from many a hurt
Help finish the latest lymerick!


Garius Lupus
Fraulein Grafenburg

Past Conversations

Conversation 1
1Due to the wonders of simulposting, this particular limerick had not two, but three divergences.

Jill and Bill, who lived under a hill,

were known for popping the occasional pill,

their favorites were always small, round and pink,

that have an astounding effect when you blink,

they bought so many their bank account was nil.

Jill and Bill, who lived under a hill,

once upon a time, did it in a mill

when on came a bright white light

that shattered the mood that night

not before it caused a mighty spill.

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