h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Not sure what you're getting at here. Am I being dumb?

Okay, let me explain:
Computers use binary code (0 and 1) to do everything. However, they are still quite smart (from time to time), but when they do crash, they could use the excuse "I can only count upto 1". You get it?
A simmilar excuse is they can't add up, as for them 1+1=10 (2 is 1,0 in Binary Code).
You get it now?

Aaah. I see. Perhaps we could rework it around the hex that gets used in error codes. Something like:
"Thou shalt not spout error messages in hexadecimal numbers"

Yeah, like 'There is no error in file 146/388#*^G4TK'
or 'Thou shalt not make up errors so you can have a day off'

or my pet hate:

Thou shalt not BSD (Blue Screen of Death) me when I am just about to save my very important college essay.

I hate them! I HATE THEM!!!!

Okay, okay, deep breath, I think I'm ok now....

'Thou shalt not turn off the screen for no apparant reason (it's done that too me, seriously!)'

I've kind of amalgamated things and replaced the IE one.

D'oh! Mind blank today...
...
I wish I could write an Internet Comic...

Commandment 3 for modems:

You shall remember and keep thy connection holy.


Commandment 2 for printers:

Thou shalt not take PostScript fonts in vain (I hate it when that happens)

Commandment 4:

Thou shalt not take those expensive cartridges in vain and clog up whenever I print pictures of Russell Crowe (grr!)

I put the first two in, but we've already got one involving cartridges. We're nearly there; only a few more to go...

Perhaps 'Thou shalt claim there is no paper when there clearly is.'? That happens to me on a daily basis.
Or how about 'Thou shalt print in the /correct/ colours!'

One for Spellcheck: 'English has more 'u's, learn to recognise them.'

I like that!

I was gonna start work on some commandments for Word, what do you think?

Spellcheckers and Word go together. Go for it.
We only need a couple more here now. Umm...

I'm on it, I'll work on it over the weekend...

Let's see...
"Thou art not an Amiga. Thou /can/ cope with Publisher 2000."

And another perhaps...
"Thou should feel ashamed when a RISC-OS 3 Computer can run programs faster than thou can."

Hello!? Is anyone here? I think I've finally got the missing commandments!

OS:

III: Just because thou art using Windows doesn't mean thou canst to no work.

and Modems:

X: Thou shall not remember the HTML of Porn sites... not that I ever go them...