Ten Commandments Of Computing
Created | Updated May 3, 2005
The Original Ten commandments
I You shall have no other gods but me
II You shall not take the name of your Lord in vain
III You shall remember and keep the Sabbath day holy
IV Honor your father and mother
V You shall not kill
VI You shall not commit adultery
VII You shall not steal
VIII You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
IX You shall not covet your neighbor's goods
X You shall not covet your neighbor's wife
The Ten Commandments for Modems
I Thou shalt not interrupt my conversation with thy damnable beeping
II Thou shalt not dial the number of my ISP in vain
III Thou shalt remember and keep thy connection holy
IV Honour thy computer and thy phone socket
V Thou shalt not disconnect at random
VI Thou shalt not forget the page I was just looking at, thou scoundrel
VII Thou shalt not catch a quick nap while the phone bill soars
VIII Thou shalt not show thy disgust at the content of my emails by halting halfway through downloading them
IX Thou shalt not covet thy neightbour's broadband connection
X
The Ten Commandments for OS
I Thou shalt respond after a good beating with anything that comes to hand
II Thou shalt not make me take any name in vain
III
IV Honour your hardware and your BIOS
V Thou shalt not crash. Got that?
VI Thou shalt not enter a destructive frenzy when thou art upgraded
VII Thou shalt not call it an 'illegal operation' as if it was anybody's fault but thy own
VIII Thou shalt not lock up solid and turn blue over every trivial error
IX Thou shalt not eat all my system resources and bay for more
X Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's OS
The Ten Commandments for Printers
I Thou art not a shared resource
II Thou shalt not take post-script fonts in vain
III Remember your driver and keep it holy
IV Honour thy paper tray and look before thou telleth me it is empty
V Thou shalt not devour a sheet of paper like a rabid stoat and spit its remains all over the floor
VI Thou shalt not consort with the scanner
VII Thou shalt not print 20,000 pages of drivel while I am out of the room
VIII Thou shalt not render thyself invisible to thy computer
IX Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ink cartridge
X Thou shalt not see the installation of new software as an opportunity to skive
I You shall have no other gods but me
II You shall not take the name of your Lord in vain
III You shall remember and keep the Sabbath day holy
IV Honor your father and mother
V You shall not kill
VI You shall not commit adultery
VII You shall not steal
VIII You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
IX You shall not covet your neighbor's goods
X You shall not covet your neighbor's wife
The Ten Commandments for Modems
I Thou shalt not interrupt my conversation with thy damnable beeping
II Thou shalt not dial the number of my ISP in vain
III Thou shalt remember and keep thy connection holy
IV Honour thy computer and thy phone socket
V Thou shalt not disconnect at random
VI Thou shalt not forget the page I was just looking at, thou scoundrel
VII Thou shalt not catch a quick nap while the phone bill soars
VIII Thou shalt not show thy disgust at the content of my emails by halting halfway through downloading them
IX Thou shalt not covet thy neightbour's broadband connection
X
The Ten Commandments for OS
I Thou shalt respond after a good beating with anything that comes to hand
II Thou shalt not make me take any name in vain
III
IV Honour your hardware and your BIOS
V Thou shalt not crash. Got that?
VI Thou shalt not enter a destructive frenzy when thou art upgraded
VII Thou shalt not call it an 'illegal operation' as if it was anybody's fault but thy own
VIII Thou shalt not lock up solid and turn blue over every trivial error
IX Thou shalt not eat all my system resources and bay for more
X Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's OS
The Ten Commandments for Printers
I Thou art not a shared resource
II Thou shalt not take post-script fonts in vain
III Remember your driver and keep it holy
IV Honour thy paper tray and look before thou telleth me it is empty
V Thou shalt not devour a sheet of paper like a rabid stoat and spit its remains all over the floor
VI Thou shalt not consort with the scanner
VII Thou shalt not print 20,000 pages of drivel while I am out of the room
VIII Thou shalt not render thyself invisible to thy computer
IX Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ink cartridge
X Thou shalt not see the installation of new software as an opportunity to skive
