h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Home contents insurance will replace your home contents if anything happens to them. Car insurance will replace your car should you happen to drive it into the back of a bus (I speak from bitter personal experience here). So, on that basis, surely life insurance should bring you back from the dead?

Ah, that explains how Jesus came back from the dead. He must of had a really one hell of an Insurance Broker. It only took him 3 days to get his life back, but I bet he was kicking himself after only taking a limited warranty that ran out the day before he went up to heaven.

I suppose Jesus knew what the circumstances of his death were going to be, so he had time to fill in the claim form before he died. It's not so easy if you inadvertanly walk in front of a bus, unless you carry a claim form and a pen at all times, and write very quickly.

Maybe that is what those Jehovahs Witness people are really selling.
Life Insurance for God's insurance company. Celestrial Insurance.com

I think you've all forgotten to read the Small Print. There is always a clause that enables the insurance man to avoid paying up. And just how are you going to take them to court if you're dead? Not even a solicitor will talk to you if you're dead! Not unless he can find a way to charge you, anyway.

I think you've all forgotten to read the Small Print. There is always a clause that enables the insurance man to avoid paying up. And just how are you going to take them to court if you're dead? Not even a solicitor will talk to you if you're dead! Not unless he can find a way to charge you, anyway.

Life Insurance can only be claimed when you are dead. Maybe death insurance can be claimed if you are alive?

"We'll give you lots of money if you promise not to die."

No, it should be more like this

"We will give you heaps of money if you stay dead, and don't come alive" - The poor people who were used by Dr Frankenstein would have lucked out badly

Maybe you don't lose your no claim bonus if you are only brain dead

You think Insurance Companies are silly to do that? It's harder to get money of them, then it is to get blood out of a stone. If there was a chance a person could come back alive, albeit brain dead, they would go broke

The secret could be to tie all your money up in unbreakable trust funds then engage insurance companies in expensive litigation and let it drag on until you finally die leaving the case unresolved

So if you die and make a claim, an assessor comes out to check. He taps your knees with a hammer, shines a light into your eyes and waves a big wad of cash under your nose. If you react, you're brought back to life and you don't get a penny. If you don't, they write you off and you get the cash. Is that how it works?

No, No, No. You don't care if you win or lose the case. Just fighting it would cost the insurance company heaps. The insurance company and your lawyer both end up out of pocket because you died broke. Remember the trust we set up which is only accessible by your heirs. As an added bonus the cheque to the undertaker bounces. If enough people do this we will destroy the insurance industry.

If the cheque to the undertaker bounces, won't he come back and dig you up again?

That might happen if you use Bob's Funerals but not if you go to Joe's Crematorium.

They'll just sell your ashes to a sausage factory. Yummy.

If you want something like that, just drop your sausages into the dirt before cooking them.

You COOK them?

Depends on what type of sausage you are talking about. If you mean the smallgoods type like salami and that, of course not, but if you mean the ones you get from the butcher that is full of meat that has fallen on the floor, heaps of fat, fingernails, then yes I do cook them. I hope this clears things up