h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The London Symphony Chorus - A683264
Author: Belshazzar, Keeper of The Writing On The Wall and All Graffiti - U188050

Although there's an h2g2 Choral Society there don't seem to be any Entries on choral groups - so here's one. It's my first stab at a Guide Entry so please be brutally frank.

Hi, Belshazzar!

I've a few comments to make on your article and a few nitpicks.

I don't think you need the disclaimer about not representing the views of the LSC.

You're not supposed to mention yourself more than necessary, so get rid of "Don't ask me how they do it" and "Well I did anyway".

I think the paragraph about Princess Diana is not really right in this article. It doesn't really have anything to do with the rest of it. I think it would be better omitted.

There are lots of sentences beginning with "And". While this is not actually wrong, it gets a bit tiresome, particularly where there are two such sentences in a row. In most cases, the "And" can be dropped without changing the meaning at all.

There's no need for capital letters in "a cappella".

Having a quick drink during the break sounds like gin and tonics all round. Do you really drink alcoholic drinks? If not, change it to "a cup of tea or coffee".

"where most rehearsals and concerts usually happen" - you don't need the "usually" in this.

"a mere amateur" - I object, your honour! Change it to "an amateur".

I think the punctuation is wrong in "many, sometimes unique, opportunities". I think it should not have any commas.

Gnomon, many thanks for your comments and nitpicks, which I found very useful. They have helped me improve things quite a bit.

Regarding the gin-and-tonics, actually some people do slip out to the pub during the break for a quick pint, but I've tidied that para up.

Re the disclaimer, it certainly interrupts the flow and on the face of it may seem unnecessary, but I did have a specific reason for writing it in. Anyway, it's been converted to a footnote for now.

Regarding the Diana connection, it does have relevance to the subject of the Entry, and although it's in the past I feel it does say something interesting about the LSC. Indeed there is quite a bit more to be said (though not here and now!) about the ways she supported organisations such as the LSC behind the scenes and away from the paparazzi, and about the repercussions which her reluctant withdrawal of patronage and her subsequent demise have had on their future. However, if you or anyone else still feel it is not right that she should be mentioned in the context of the LSC, please say so.

The Diana connection.

I'm sure that it wasn't intended in this way, but to me it sounded like name-dropping of the highest order. "We knew Diana, the tragic princess, so we're a step higher than everybody else." I didn't really think you meant that, but it gave me an uneasy feeling, as if you had meant it. I know the way Diana was used on the front of every magazine in the country while she was alive, and how many people tried to cash in on her sad death. While I'm sure that Diana was a genuine supporter of your choir, I think that is a personal matter which should be kept to yourself.

Remember, in Peer Review, you will hear lots of opinions, but you are the one who writes the article. So you decide what goes in and goes out. If I'm the only one who is uneasy about this paragraph, then by all means leave it in.

Thanks for that clarification. I do see where you're coming from. As you say, it'll be good to see what others think.

Hi, Belshazzar!

I really like this entry - I think it gives a good picture of what it's like to work in an exceptionally high-powered amateur choir. I think your little paragraph about the Diana connection is fine - to me, it seems to reinforce the very English feel of the choir, rather than come across as name-dropping.

The thing I'm not sure of the prominence of the quotes: they're mostly such general ones about choirs and singing that (to me) they rather drown out the specific description of the choir.

But overall, I think this is very interesting, with a nice individualistic feel, and it certainly deserves a place in the Edited Guide.

Azara

The pull quotes were thrown in simply as a feeble attempt to break up the page a bit, there being no suitable clipart available, and they can easily be reduced or moved around or scrapped altogether. No problem.

Re the generality of the quotes, there are of course lots of actual quotes around from the great and the good specifically about the LSC, but to trumpet those here would be OTT, I thought.

BTW one of my favourite off-the-record comments from a maestro during a rehearsal is: 'You people must have the most amazing nasal cavities!' This was, I assure you, intended as a compliment.

for Belshazzar!

I see this entry has now been picked, so congratulations!

Azara

Thanks, but please explain - where do you see that it's been picked?

Oooops, just realised that it's on the comingup page.

*tears hair out while kicking shins with curled toes*

I like the amount of effort on behave of the author. For the entry and the amount of time taken to pursuit such an undertaking.
Diana must have been truley enlghtened. Good Work
The KID