h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I once spent six months restoring a vintage motorbike. When I eventually got it out of the workshop for the first time to try to get the thing running it wouldn't start on the kickstart.
As the workshop was at the top of a long hill, I decided to try to bump start the machine. On the third attempt the engine fired and at that exact moment I discovered I'd made two small errors when putting the bike back together:
The throttle and clutch cables were the wrong length. A minor problem I here you say, well it would have been if it didn't mean that the throttle was jammed fully open and the clutch wouldn't fully disengage.

Imagine the picture, 0 to 30 miles per hour in approximately 10 milliseconds. OK, 30 miles per hour doesn't seem very fast, but it is if you are hanging onto the handlebars of a motorbike, feet horizontally outwards behind you - screaming at the top of your voice "Ooooohhhhh SSSS************TTT!!!" and having to make a very rapid decision about whether it would be better to fall off, attempt to turn the corner or drive straight through the front doors of the hotel directly in front of you.

Needless to say, I fell off, picked myself, and the bike up and returned the pieces to the workshop to start all over again.

Oh and the old adage holds true, the stupidity of ones actions is directly proportional to the number of witnesses...

There were a dozen of my friends, as well as the owner of the hotel I very nearly demolished, watching.

That was over ten years ago, and they still haven't let me forget the incident.

LOL! I think there must be something about bikes that brings out the silliness in us all.

Nothing quite as funny as yours, but a couple of be daft things I've managed to do over the years...

Filling the oil up before going for a 20 mile ride on a dual carriageway in the pouring rain. Couldn't work out why my right foot was toasty warm. Got off the bike to discover I'd left the filler cap off, right boot full of warm engine oil, engine virtually dry. Worst of it was, I then had to find a garage, top the oil up and do the same again on the way home. One thing on the plus side though, that boot never, ever leaked water...

The first bike I had was rather old & battered, back then i had no idea of the mechanics of the beast. The clutch cable only needed minor adjustment, but I didn't know how, so every time I stopped the engine stalled out. Going to work, busy industrial estate, stops behind a lorry & stalls. Frantically kicking the bike over, had the throttle full open, the bike takes off heading straight for the back of this lorry on the rear wheel. Panicing slightly, I just got the front wheel down in time to avoid the lorry. An hour later, I got a phone call from my mum, who worked in the building opposite, berating me for showing off and pulling wheelies...

And there are so many more - but they'd probably come under the heading of bloody stupid rather that silly.

I had a similar problem with my old 125 - one morning I set off for work, and was waiting to turn right in the middle of a junction when the engine stopped. The lights changed, I turned the bike 90 degtrees to avoid the cross-traffic, and I was frantically kickstarting trying to get ready for them to change back. Eventually, I realised I'd left the fuel tap off. When I restarted the bike, and the lights changed back. Still standing on my right leg, I gave it too much throttle to try and get out of the way of the oncoming traffic I was now blocking. The bike went almost vertical, and I ended up running along behind it for what seemed a very long way before I managed to get it down and jump on from the back.

Regarding wasps & pants, I nearly managed that once on the bike. Riding in the summer, visor up and jacket partly open, I saw a dark blob coming towards me. It went behind the chin guard, down inside my jacket & running top, and I felt something stinging me on the stomach.
Using one hand, with my other one punching my stomach to try and kill the wasp, I had to ride 200m and then round a roundabout before I could stop. I then had to start ripping off clothes, and only narrowly avoided having the still-living wasp fall down inside my pants.

Greeting fellow riders...I'd like to invite you all to join H2G2 MC:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/A724312

As for the silliest thing I've ever done on a bike:

Trying to kick one of the horde of toads on my lawn while pulling into my front yard - and forgetting that I was heading for our fence. And then forgetting that grabbing the front brake on wet grass was not a good idea...