h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A672068

Well, here it is. I spent a good two months working on it as a final for a professer of mine, and I am quite proud of it. Painstakenly reasearched: for three weeks I spent 6+ hours a week hunting down acredited sources. Hope yall learn somthing.

OO

Looks like you have good reason to be proud!

However, I didn't read it all thorougly. I'd like to suggest dividing your series of paragraphs by a couple of and tags

I agree with Bossel. It's fairly unreadable in its current form.

In addition, I would like to suggest using at the beginning of paragraphs and at the end.

Have a look at what the guide has to say about GuideML.

Good luck!

I installed the P/p tags, but i realy don't understand the first suggestion. What exactly do you propose i do? I a little defundled.

Um.. Bossel? Hello? Could you explain your origional suggestion please?

Don't worry, I've got a daytime job to earn the € for my telephone bill

Well, the suggestion is to divide the piece into sections and to think of chapter headers and the like. A long row of paras is hard to read because once you start scrolling, you easily lose the point were you stopped reading and have to skip back and search again. It needn't be the GuideML tags (though it would be nice), a double line break and


SOME UPPERCASE TEXT

would do the job

Is it better now? I think i got it about right.

Hi 188088.
This has the potential to be a good article. A little more guide ML would be nice, and are easy to get the hang of. You may not be aware of it, but 1st person usage is out if you want this in the edited guide.

The first paragraph could do with breaking up (100 words divided into 2 sentences).

Also, again from the 1st paragraph: "and all our food would come from pills with self-guided personal spaceships" - sounds like the pills have their own spaceships, not the people.

And: "With advances in the technology, the present third generation of AVGs is able to navigate completely freely." would read better if the 'third' was in brackets.

Finally your conclusion is a 'CONCULSION'

Please don't take offence with these criticisms, they're intended to make it run smoother, not make you feel bad. I don't comment about the PR stuff I don't like.
Frogbit.

what would i use instead of the traditional first person point of view? Oh, and no offence taken. I am alway open to suggestions.

"This researcher" or something like that. Neutrality is the key so assert stuuf instead of presenting a personal preference.
Frogbit.

Is it 'gooder'?

Um, not so much 'gooder', but to go in the edited guide there are some rules the entry has to ahere to - no instances of 1st person being one of them.


ps I like 'gooder'.

Hmm... i thought i had eliminated all personal referances. Can you site a example? Thanks!

That's gooder. The larger paras could still do with a bit more breaking up (I know it's hard to do).
Can't think why no-one else has commented. Oh, and those footnotes? When it goes for editing, they will almost certainly be removed. Because the only contain small bursts of info, they will be placed in brackets behind the relevent bit. If you did that yourself, you'd make friends further down the line.
Frogbit.

All in all, a great and comprehensive article


However, there's some nitpicking on formal stuff left to do.

The Intro contains first person writing which the Editors frown upon, and the 'spandex' comments (although witty and in the original HHGTTG style) ought to go.

Typos:
The Guide uses UK spelling, hence: color -> colour; neighbor -> neighbour; realizing -> realising; unrecognizable -> unrecognisable

form point to point -> from
deduce it's location -> its
flash a light of beep -> or
guided my GPS satellites -> by
there for -> therefore
it's self -> itself
conculsion -> conclusion
cutting into productivity a very significant ... ?
AGV's control pendant -> panel ?

I'd like to suggest inserting more headers and subheaders (BTW, how about using the GuideML tags ... and ... - it's easy!) to beautify the structure and perhaps sort your examples into chapters of their own.


I was about to add the mars pathfinder but you already took care of that

Hmm, that's perhaps a long list of things... but: they are all minor points and anyway, that's just my $0.02


ceterum censeo: In the Guide with it!

More corrections needed:

what this researcher am going to describe - 'am' should read 'is'

into it: Inputs and outputs - 'Inputs' needs a lower case 'i'.

Another type of guidance system - this paragraph is far too long for comfortable reading and needs to be split in a couple of places at least

theater level - should read theatre level

mars - needs a captial 'M'

sojourner - suspect a capital letter is needed

pathfinder - ditto.

It's much more readable now and looking better.

BTW what does 'spandex' mean in this context?

BSE:
Where would you suggest the addational sb headers?

I think I implemented all of your changes, see any more?

BTW: if you don't know what spandex is, you probibly (sp?) don't WANT to know what spadex is.

one last note: pendant is the technical name for it, not panel, and as would be appropriate. It is actually a pendant, attached to the robot or AGV via cable, or if your really rich, via radio. Think über (as in huge) TV remote control attached to robot by cable w/ fancy button, noby thingies, and a flashy readout, and you got a control or teach pendant.