h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, seems like nobody tried to tackle the subject, so here goes:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A670772





please repeat after me, as loud as you can:
(1) HOOF HEARTED ICE MELTED

(2) I Shurf Artol Ot

Nice one.

There is a typo in the section on 'Animal Farts' - "Otherwise, t is"

Actually the digestive system is very complex, and also very sensitive. Personally I am not clear whether farting is a symptom of a digestive system in some sort of imbalance, or if it actually natural for a healthy digestive system to produce gasses.

A lot of gasses are actually produced by the intestinal flora, anyway.

Ben

I enjoyed this immensely. The English is a little idiosyncratic, but I'm guessing that English is not the author's first language, in which case even more respect!

One actual error, however, is use of the word "acronym". I think you meant "euphemism". An acronym is something like "BASIC" or "WHO", a word made up of initials. A euphemism is a polite way of alluding to something not normally spoken of, which is what I *think* you're aiming for.

Well done!


H.

I've farted, I've farted!
I've made a trouser cough.
I've whistled in my Y-fronts,
I've just peeled one off.
I've blown my bowel bugle,
I've been eating beans,
I've broken wind, I've dropped my guts -
Open the window please!

(Ivor Biggun and the Rednose Burglers circa 1985)
(and it goes on in similar fashion)

Loads and loads of euphemisms. We use fairly polite ones at home like pump, trump, parp and biff. Ever wondered where 'Biffo the Bear' came from.

You might add peppermint to the list of things which might help. It certainly helps with trapped and painful wind and I can personally vouch for its efficacy.

It's quite well presented, definitely amusing and informative, yes, and idiosyncratic, but none the worse for that. Well done.

Ah ha! Is Bossel about to see this He mentioned something similar some time back...

I like this; thorough and informative , although the smiley at the end may have to be taken out - it's not edited guide style. As well as the picture unfortunately - if it becomes Editor's Choice, then it will get its own bespoke artwork

I have an entry on Defecation which might be of interest - it has gone pending, so it's as good as edited without being edited:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A641206

Anyhow, I like...

Stay ,
WD

You might like to search for the details of that French guy in the 19th century who could fart in understandable French. He toured the country giving demonstrations. There was a film about him a few years back.

One typo: celluse should be cellulose.

Informative and amusing. I think it deserves to be in.

Frankly, I'm amazed it hasn't been done before now.

The Goodies (UK Comedians from the 70's) did a song about this subject. I was 8 and had hysterics. I'm 32 now and it's still funny.

Isn't it amazing how juvenile blokes can be?

Hi, I like it!

Some good laughs and lots of genuine info.

Spiff

Thanks for all the comments!

Here's the list of changes made so far:

- typos blown away
- 'Synonyms' was the word I was meaning to use instead of 'acronyms'
- corrected some minor GuideML things
- added the 'Dutch Oven' from A337907
- added a link to a *very* comprehensive names list
- added peppermint and more synonyms
- linked to 'Defecation' and many more Guide entries
- tried to better hide the Denglish there. Yes, you already guessed that English isn't my first language.
- still searching for that french reverse ventriloquist

I know that the blob and the smiley at the end will have to go. But it was real joy to find the image

WD, are you trying to ...? pssssst!


More suggestions anyone? Let 'em rip!

I like again! A couple of typos that were scurrying away from your eagle eyes:

'...flatulence can also be caused by deficiencies like lactose intolerance which is the lack of an encyme which is required for digesting dairy products in the stomach and small intestine.'

Encyme should be enzyme...

'...It is wise to stay clear of suspect food well before such important occasions as a job interview, the school ball, receiving a Nobel price, or asking your girlfriend the 'big' question.'

Price should be prize...

I like the terms, 'silent but violent/but deadly' to describe a particularly nasty bout of flatulence...

Indeed, what could I have been saying in the Bossel-related sentence If what has indeed been said, has been said, even though one may have not said it to be said at all in the said manner?



Indeed, is Bosselex anywhere near Bosselhiti? And does the sun roam wild and free to all description and indeed, pastures of purple and blue?

even by my standards, that was one hell of a tangent... sorry guys

Stay ,
WD

The French chap was 'Le Petomane', I think - with an acute first 'e'. Can't remember his proper name, but I'm fairly sure that was his stage name.

Oh, yes, he used a pipe and a funnel, I think, when performing his act. This meant he didn't get blowback when setting light to them.

NB: UK comedian Jasper Carrott used to do a story involving setting light to a fart and going to the doctor's as a result of blow back.

PS: My dad's favourite word when he's done a really loud and fruity one is a Rorum Dorum (rorumdorum?).

Another practice men seem to favour is farting and then fluffing up the bedcovers over their partner's face. Charming!

W H Auden said "We all love the smell of our own farts" - I'll check the quote for you to make sure it is right.

Ben

You wouldn't beleive how many web pages there are with the words Auden and Fart in them - it seems to have been his favourite term of abuse. I will keep on looking.

In the meantime you might like to know that when Robert Mitchum proposed to his wife, he said "Marry me and you'll fart through silk for the rest of your life."

Ben

I can fart through silk. What's special about that?

Having said that, I can fart through quality denim too.

And believe me, the guy who said that everyone likes their own smells has never eaten mushy peas.

Ah, Geoff, but do you wear silk undies every single day? And have they been paid for by Robert Michum?

And if they have, can I have his phone number, please?

Hi Ben,

I'm not sure you really want old Sleepy Eyes' phone number. Surely the only gasses the famous hollywood 'smoker' produces these days come from his decomposing cadavre!

Spiff

ROFLMAO

Sorry Ben, but I'm not discussing my underwear any longer. (Is there a Guide Entry on skiddy Y-fronts?)

Considering the subject, I put my childish head on and thought that this was an appropriate smiley:-

You have a link which states bacteria but links to bacteriophages which are a different thing

Your carminatives link is broken.

This paragraph is a bit grammatically incorrect
'If you as a gentleman realise that a lady had some misfortune then you are supposed to plead guilty and formally excuse yourself for it.'

I also think a few little famous phrases might be included such as:

Who ever smelt it dealt it.
Silent but deadly (SBD)
Whoever denied it supplied it.

Apart from that - marvellous, brilliant, how can the guide possibly be without this. And like you, I am stunned there is not already an article on this.

Nice work.



Orcus