It's your friend's birthday. You can't afford to buy a present, cards are either too tacky or too soppy, and your friend is allergic to flowers...

For that matter, since this is h2g2, you may not even know your friend's real name, age, or sex

So you rush over to leave a message, some smileys, a joke.. and in a fit of goofiness, you decide to 'sing' 'Happy Birthday'

A few days after the B-Day, not having heard back, you decide to pop by and see how the online party is progressing

And then the awful truth -- Your message has been moderated!

You cast your mind far back into the past, (two or three days), furiously trying to recall exactly what you said in the message that could have set the moderators off....

'Did I say you wonder?

Nope

'Hmm.. An off site URL, mayhap?'

Nope, again

'Was I insulting, from sheer habit?'

Wrong, wrong, wrong. What you did, you desperate criminal you, was run afoul of copyright law!

Yep. The popular four-line ditty known world wide as 'Happy Birthday,' is not public domain

It was 'composed' more than a century ago, but in recent years Warner, those slap-happy folks who brought you 'Bugs Bunny' and 'The Matrix' bought the rights to 'Happy Birthday' -- lock, stock and barrel

They paid a lot, too...$$$!!! ..¹

Which means if you reproduce it in any form, mechanical, photographic, electronic yadda yadda, you must pay $$$ for the privilege...

Pay. Four words. Four lines. GIVE- ME- A- BREAK!!!

To be candid, I never cared much for the song

In addition to being somewhat 'lyrically challenged,' the accompanying tune is unimaginative, predictable,

and melodically uninspired ²

Rarely performed with artistry or emotion, it is more often a painful, tuneless ritual inflicted on an embarrassed 'birthday victim'

The only recorded rendition with any semblance of originality or talent is the wonderfully poignant, pixillated performance by Marilyn Monroe, for JFK´s birthday on May 19, 1962 ³

Well, I say 'pfui,' to Warner


We are h2g2, the universe's most talented, creative, and arguably the zaniest group of writers ever to occupy cyberspace

We don' need no steenkeeng Warner's birthday song -- we'll make up our own!

And we won't stop at just one, or two, or even three...
H2G2 researchers have eclectic tastes in almost everything, and that includes music

So here's your chance to show off your song-writing skills, and win the undying admiration of your fellow h2g2 researchers!

Your efforts may even attract the attention of a superstar! -- a phone call from Pavarotti, a visit from Waylon Jennings, or a limo sent by Britney Spears!!!

Just write your lyrics in the appropriate thread on this page. If you think your song belongs in a category that is not listed, create a new thread for that purpose

If you are uncertain about the genre, post it in the 'unknown genre' thread, and it will be categorised later...

Periodically, I will harvest all the songs from the threads, and place your song, credited to you, on the page created for that genre, and post a notice to your personal space

Alternatively, you may create your own page, link it to the index, (TBA), and let me know so I can create a reciprocal link, and add you to the researcher list..

Collaborations are welcome, just let me know who has worked on the song with you

So, tune up that guitar, dust off the drums, or patch the bag on the pipes



Fame and fortune await you



Everyone with a birthday needs you!



And you don't have anything better to do, anyway!

BTW, if you have any comments, questions or suggestions, just post them in the '????!!!!' thread, thanks!

¹Check http://www.ibiblio.org/team/fun/birthday/ for the song's history²Sorry, Patty and Mildred!³JFK commented: 'I can now retire from politics after having Happy Birthday being sung to me in such a sweet and wholesome manner'