h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A657650

It's been changed to GuideML,and been edited,due to recent burger-eating events!

No-one seems to be interested in the REVISED edition of my entry,so,since no-one can be bothered to read it and tell me what they think,I'll,I'll,I'll...Actually,I won't do nuthin',since this is a bluff post!

I think that this entry needs a lot of work. For starters, put it through a grammar checker. Put spaces after commas and full stops. Remove the reference to Burger King-h2g2 is part of BBCi, and as such no advertising is allowed. Get rid of the O.K. then at the start. Try and keep it in the third person eg not 'I ate the burger' or 'She ate the burger' but 'The burger was eaten'. Get rid of the Reasons and Plans section. And if this is a bluff posting, does that mean I should post it elsewhere?

Should have been 180 degrees shouldnt it? not 90.

Also a mention that burgers do not always come in round buns and that sometimes the buns are too fat to get your mouth round in one go, particularly if you have made it yourself. So what then.

I think this entry actually could make it to the edited guide, bu tit needs a lot of work. Links to relevant articles would be good. I'm sure there is something in the guide about burgers.

FABT

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A455942

here's one!

FABT

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A102277

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A463925

do I have to do everything?!

FABT

a little lax feeling. (if that makes any sense)

you might want to consider discussing the different ingredients available in burgers, and the effect that this will have on your eating experience.

-Strider

Thanx all for your advice.I'll do it A.S.A.P.,which won't be very soon as I'm sick with the flu!

As well as ingredients, you might want to mention things that happen if the burger-eating experience goes wrong. How to Avoid being Seen with beetroot stains all down your front, stuff like that. Are you ethically obliged to mop up your dropped burger?

Also, you might want to try to avoid the first person. It makes your guide entry less about everybody, and more about you.

strider

Y'know, someone should really make a general entry about hamburgers. Anyone want to?

of course, now you have a new problem on your hands: First person. H2G2 asks you to avoid using the first person on edited guide entries. sorry.

Also, I personally would find it more helpful if the "update" information was integrated into sections or a section. Its organisationally confusing for me this way. I like the info though.

-Strider

hmm, would be great to see this one advance into the 'finished' state. Any chance?

Nightshade> not 'I ate the burger' or 'She ate the burger' but 'The burger was eaten'

No, no, no, no, no! No!

I'm sorry, but 'the burger was eaten' is the kind of abuse of the passive tense that I just hate. Besides, it's not getting rid of the first person, just hiding it. Better would be something like

>How to Eat a Burger<
* start at the outside *
* hold over the paper wrapping *
* bite burger *
* repeat till finished *

Or whatever. Much better...

I'd include a little links section at the end, here's the one I would use (feel free to copy/paste into your article):

Related H2G2 Links
Learn more about Fast Food.
Read your H2G2 Fast Food User Manual.
Find out what it's like to Have a Part-Time Job in a Fast Food Restaurant
We all know the main Fast Food chains; Wimpy, Burger King, KFC, etc. Read more about Taco Bell and McDonalds.
Learn more about the food you eat; Bacon Burgers, sausages, kebabs and lamburgers.

I'd also include a section on how to eat those giant burgers that you can get in some pubs which have a stick in the middle holding them together. What's the best way to eat the burger without the stick poking you in the eye? Is it ever wise to take the stick out of the burger?

<BB<

I think this entry is really too flippant and shouldn't be included in the edited guide, unless the whole thing is meant to be flippant in which case people will start to ask themselves "what's the point?"

First of all, my advice to anyone about to eat one of the fast food burgers described in this entry: DON"T! ........ever


............under any circumstances


........at all


Besides that bit of advice I think the whole thing needs to be redone to get rid of the constant use of First Person and I believe second person is right out as well.....

H.A.

I believe second person is permissable for instructional entries such as this. Don't quote me on that though...