This is a traditional opening in all really good stories: Once upon a time the researchers of H2G2 sat behind flickering monitors all across the Globe and began telling a story. A collaborative story, that was built upon the successive postings of different researchers. It was called H2G2 Storytime Some called us fools and mad. Others cried:
'Man was not supposed to meddle in such affairs as these!!'

They may have been right. But here for your delectation the result of that endeavour: committed to memory and then transcribed onto page by an infinite number of monkeys with an infinite number of keyboards and too much free time.

This interactive story will begin by introducing to you the various characters who have been thrown together by circumstances and the vaguaries of all the contributors. Week by week more of the plot will be revealed to you until you feel confident enough to join in the fun and risk adding to the mayhem.

• Name:
Robinson, Arthur.
• Sex:
Male
• Occupation:
Secret Agent.
• Aliases
None.
• Known Accomplices:
Agent X.
• Comments:

A staunch Good Guy, fiercly loyal to Boutros, Practical to the extent that he finds a lot of the goings on far too silly by half but knuckles down and gets on with the job in hand because he is just that sort of person. More level headed than his partner X

• Name:
X, Agent.
• Sex:
Male
• Occupation:
Secret Agent.
• Aliases
None Known.
• Known Accomplices:
Arthur Robinson.
• Comments:

Agent X is the foil to his partner's studied unflappability. A bit eccentric and excitable, he is none the less one of the best agents The Agency has to offer and a life long friend of Arthur. Pines for the attention of Agent XXX

• Name:
Agent XXX.
• Sex:
Female
• Occupation:
Secret Agent.
• Aliases
[Record unavailable....]
• Known Accomplices:
Arthur, X
• Comments:

One of the most prominant and forthright female agents in The Agency. Adept and capable: her professional record is beyond excellent. A familiar companion to Arthur and X on their missions. Often does under-cover work.

• Name:
Ghali, Boutros-Boutros.
• Sex:
Undetermined - His body was destroyed in a titanic battle prior to the story. He enters the story as a cryoenically frozen head in a jar. Drawing from previous gendered status: Male.
• Occupation:
Former Secretary-General of The United Nations/ Really the Spy Master and inspirational head (no pun intended) of a super-secret espionage group known as The Agency.
• Aliases
Courtney Love & Imelda Marcos
• Known Accomplices:
UPS Guy, Arthur Robinson, Agent X, Bob, Jill.
• Comments:

The Patriarch of the Agency. Owes his life to his second in command Guy and relies on him greatly. Is quietly tutoring him to be his replacement. An old man, he habours a existential uncertainty about his current condition - secretly wishes he'd been allowed to die.

• Name:
Guy.
• Sex:
Male
• Occupation:
Secret Agent.
• Aliases
UPS Guy, The UPS Man.
• Known Accomplices:
Boutros-Boutros Ghali Agent X.
• Comments:

One of the highest ranking Secret Agents in The Agency, he trained under Boutros and cares for him deeply. He once saved Boutros's life from the hands of his nemesis and is being groomed by Boutros to run the agency when Boutros leaves. Guy has the rare talent to arrive unannounced and slip away again unnoticed. Often wears the unremarkable brown overalls of a UPS delivery man.
Not much more is known about this most elusive and effective of spys...

• Name:
Bob.
• Sex:
Male
• Occupation:
None stated.
• Aliases
Agent XXQ (Deputised).
• Known Accomplices:
Jill
• Comments:

An every-man: Unremarkable. Bob is described as " quite tall with dark hair", so make of that what you will. Holds a candle for the love of Jill. Bob's comfortable existence is shattered one day when he become embroiled in a international tale of murder and espionage. If a bit timid he'll fight his corner when challenged. Bob may have the heart of a rabbit but he harbours the soul of a mongoose.

• Name:
Jill.
• Sex:
Female
• Occupation:
None stated.
• Aliases
[Record unavailable.... ]
• Known Accomplices:
Bob
• Comments:

Jill is described as "not as tall as Bob with blonde hair". Speaks some German. Guilty hides a mysterious secret from Bob of which he is totally unaware. She is quiet, unassuming and has a vorascious sexual libido could be-head a man at fifty feet.

• Name:
Mr Big.
• Sex:
Male
• Occupation:
The Bad Guy, Ex chief of Russian Costa Nostra
• Aliases
Leicester, The Red Leicester.
• Known Accomplices:
[Record Unavailable...]
• Comments:

A monster of a man. A highly intelligent pyschopath. Viscious and sadistic he is an excellent sharp-shooter and hand-to-hand combateer. In addition he bears a large scar on his fore-head inflicted during one of his many clashes with his arch-rival Boutros-Boutros Ghali. Foiled on many occasions by the actions of The Agency, this crown-prince of evil now plots only his revenge.

• Name:
Tim.
• Sex:
Male
• Occupation:
[Record Unavailable...]
• Aliases
None
• Known Accomplices:
[Record Unavailable...]
• Comments:

[ Record Unavailable....]

• Name:
Gonzaroolio, Alfredo Matthias.
• Sex:
Male
• Occupation:
Free-Lance Assassin, Clown.
• Aliases
Bumpy the Clown.
• Known Accomplices:
The 4 ¹/₂ foot-tall man in a leather trenchcoat.
• Comments:

A surveillance expert and a crack sniper, Gonzaroolio is not someone you want to cross. Loyal to no-one but himself; he would sell his own grandmother's kidneys to advance his craft if he hadn't already of claimed the contract put out her life in they hey-day of his career. A profiteer always on the look-out for the next opportunity, his one weakness is a recent increased dependence on the steady alcoholic lifestyle that has sustained him all these years.

• Name:
Edgbaston, Heddingly.
• Sex:
Male
• Occupation:
Brain Surgeon, Formally Tribal Elder and Witch-doctor.
• Aliases
Aggrzthpthz.
• Known Accomplices:
Jill
• Comments:

A tall man, possibly of Polynesian descent, with a fine physique and an immune system so effective it could drop a charging rhino without flexing a gland. This has a lot to do with his former life as a witch-doctor amongst a tribe of atheists. The ability to survive your own medicines is handy survival trait in that environment.

Did I mention this man has all the stamina of continental drift? For this reason he and Jill are nearly always at it like rabbits.

After someone left behind their radio communicator on the island and the tribe were introduced to the cricket scores for the first time in their collective cultural history: Aggrzthpthz took the name of two well-known cricket grounds started affecting an upper-class English accent, then trained as a brain surgeon and went to seek his fortune in the big wide world. Where as fate would have it he ran into some old friends again. (Only this time he didn't try to cook and eat Bob.)

• Hugh Grant
- Actor.

• Richard E Grant
- Actor.

• Vanessa Feltz
- T.V Hostess

• Uri Gellar
- Physic / spoon bender.

• The 4 ¹/₂ foot-tall man in a leather trenchcoat.
- Henchman

• A-HA
- The Band.

• St Peter
- Senior Doorman of the Angelic Host.

• Flopsy
- A Tyranosaurus Rex.

• Beatrice
- A small blue, dead, fish.

• And a full chorus of: Actors, Agents, Clowns, Customs officials, Eskimos, Generic guards, Journalists, Nurses, Professors, Salty sea dogs, Smurfs, The 10th Annual Steve Martin Convention, Tribesmen &Yetis.

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