h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Trees...REAL trees are as likely to be irritated by that as you are by the entry about Goths. The trees of my aquaintance are far too busy to be bothered with that kind of nonsense; and, like as not, will call a gardener to chase you away.

May I suggest you try a lamp post or a letter box.

Howver, the tree in question, which I DID use to pick up my first serious girlfriend at the age of 15, was indeed very friendly and was happy to help. Since this time I have always been careful to be polite and kind to any trees, carrying their seeds to far away places in order to allow them to procreate to the limit of their capabilities

Ahhh, that's different.

It's a good thing for a person to have a special tree. One can confide in a tree. Hopes and dreams expressed to a tree hang in it's branches forever, invisible to everyone but you..

An interesting thing about tree seeds: In general, the further north one travels the lighter the seed produced by the local trees. That's because trees are still following the retreating ice caps; the bigger the seed, the longer it takes a species to advance. It's a race in geological time.

you're all nuken-f***s!runing away now

Thak you. You are obviously a sensitive, intelligent person with a great future ahead of you.

Yo, I’m soooooooooooo sorry about what I said earlier. I went and tried having a chat to a tree the other day, and would you believe it, it actually worked! Thanks