h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The African Dwarf Crocodile - A64268977
Author: Willem - U168712

Hereby I submit A64268977, my entry about African Dwarf Crocodiles, for Peer Review. Any comments would be much appreciated!

Willem van der Merwe

Willem!how great to see you back in PR

for tomorrow (sorry)

Hi Willem

Thank you for putting this great entry into Peer Review. I've certainly enjoyed reading about this type of crocodiles, and the entry reads very well.

Two small style points

I think you have used the exclamation mark (!) far too frequently. I would suggest you only use this when the sentence is truly astounding. Have a re-read and remove them, as your text is marvellous enough without them.

The same goes for the italics you are using for emphasis, although you might want to keep some of these where you think they are most needed.

Well done for writing this fascinating article

Lanzababy Scout

Hi Willem, a great article, well done. Some nit-picks if I may.

"At the moment, it actually is not clear whether African"

*At the moment it is not clear whether*
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"Nile crocodiles regularly exceed 5 m in length ... a handful of giants might even make it to 6!"

*Nile crocodiles regularly exceed 5 m in length, a handful of giants might even make it to 6!*
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"than any crocodilian still remaining ... a matter for another article, or series of articles!"

*than any crocodilian still remaining, (a matter for another article, or series of articles!).*
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"This crocodile, being small, faces greater natural threats than Nile Crocodiles do ..."

*This crocodile, being small, faces greater natural threats than Nile Crocodiles do. Dangerous things in its environment*
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"This, in a way, actually protects it against humans too ... not the way you might think!"

*This, in a way actually protects it against humans too but not in the way you might think!*

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"Crocodile leather products are ideally made from smooth and pliable areas of skin ... in typical alligators"

*Crocodile leather products are ideally made from smooth and pliable areas of skin. In typical alligators*

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"Some Dwarf Crocodiles ... the main species, or subspecies ... have the short,"

*Some Dwarf Crocodiles, the main species, or subspecies have the short,*
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"but these are used as hideouts during the day ... they prefer not to bask in the sun"

*but these are used as hideouts during the day, they prefer not to bask in the sun*
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"Those big eyes - proportionately the biggest of all crocodiles' - come in handy then."

*Those big eyes, proportionately the biggest of all crocodile's, come in handy then.*
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"the wet season starts in May or June ... South of the equator"

*the wet season starts in May or June South of the equator*
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"solitary male and female crocodiles interact ... to be precise,"

*solitary male and female crocodiles interact or to be precise,*
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"and stay close and look after them for a time ... we still don't know for exactly how long."

*and stay close and look after them for a time though we still don't know for exactly how long.*
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"or reptiles like monitor lizards ... or even other crocodiles!"

*or reptiles like monitor lizards and even other crocodiles!*
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"Zoo specimens have been recorded as living over six decades ... there might even be a"

*Zoo specimens have been recorded as living over six decades and there might even be a*
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"Though the Dwarf Crocodile is not hunted much - as noted earlier - it is"

*Though the Dwarf Crocodile is not hunted much, as noted earlier, it is*
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"will be flooded by the ocean - and this crocodile cannot exist in the saltwater."

*will be flooded by the ocean and this crocodile cannot exist in the saltwater.*
--------------------------------------------------

"But ... we must remember that crocodilians"

*But we must remember that crocodilians*
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"the non-living creatures of our planet - for their sakes, as well as for ours."

*the non-living creatures of our planet, for their sakes as well as for ours.*
-----------------------------------------------

There's other things as mentioned by Lanza re exclamation marks and other punctuation, I'll let others have a read and comment for now though.

Hi Lanzababy and BMT! Thanks very much for your comments. I took out some of the exclamation marks. I also took out some of the ellipses and dash marks ... any particular reason why I shouldn't use them? - I'd like to know! Heh heh ... my typical conversational style here, makes liberal use of a variety of punctuation marks!

Hi Willem, I think it's more to do with the house style and use of correct punctuation etc. I daresay a sub-ed would confirm one way or the other.
For me it just makes the article harder to follow, it interupts the 'flow' so to speak. For example your first paragraph:-

"Thanks to a great many wildlife programs on TV, most folks in the world are fairly well acquainted with perhaps the biggest and deadliest predator on the African continent - the Nile Crocodile. And an impressive creature it is ... incredibly efficient, its body plan has hardly changed for over a hundred million years. Crocodiles still live the way they did when the dinosaurs ruled ... and they outlasted the dinosaurs, as well, when disaster hit at the end of the Cretaceous."

and how I would have wrote same:-

*Thanks to a great many wildlife programs on TV, most folk in the world are fairly well acquainted with perhaps the biggest and deadliest predator on the African continent, the Nile Crocodile. It is an impressive creature with a body that has hardly changed for over a hundred million years. Crocodiles still live the way they did when dinosaurs roamed the planet during the Cretaceous period.*

However, I'm more than happy to be corrected if I'm wrong, my suggestions are just that, it's your article for you to write how you see fit.

Yes, it has a lot to do with house style, but too many dashes etc do make the text harder to read. I very much like to hear the 'voice' of the author coming across though, and don't like to see too much constraint over particular styles of language.

Its really great to see someone in PR that I've not come across before, being still fairly new at the Scouting lark.

OK, thanks again; I toned down the punctuation ... I did leave a bit of it in, since I do believe there's function in having certain punctuation marks. How does it read now?

Hmmm, I'm going to leave it for others to have a read and comment. I fear I may become boring and repetitive on this. I don't understand the use of ... or - as punctuation frankly and the first paragraph still doesn't read well to me as do a few others.

Hello again Here are a few nitpicks:

You write:

Recent research has indicated that there are three genetically distinct groups; what still needs to be determined, is if these three are different enough from each other to constitute separate species, or whether it would be better to consider them subspecies ... a level where interbreeding between the populations is still possible, or actually happens.

I would make this into two sentences,as below, and remove the [or actually happens.]

Recent research has indicated that there are three genetically distinct groups. It still needs to be determined whether these are different enough from each other to constitute separate species, or whether it would be better to consider them subspecies; a level where interbreeding between the populations is still possible.

You write:

For the present{, therefore,} the Dwarf Crocodile

take out [therefore]

You write:

Crocodile leather products are ideally made from smooth and pliable areas of skin: in typical alligators and crocodiles, the skin of the belly, that has few osteoderms.



Crocodile leather products are ideally made from smooth and pliable areas of skin: in typical alligators and crocodiles this would be the skin of the belly because it has few osteoderms.

You write:
they are also usually rather darker of colour


they are also usually rather darker [in] colour



I really love this article. It sounds just like the commentary on one of those amazing natural history programmes - I can 'see' these little crocs just how you describe them! Wonderful.


I'd still take out a few more exclamation marks though

OK thanks Lanzababy!

BMT, the rationale of using dots and dashes: three dots, like these ... are called 'ellipsis' and indicate something left out, or postponed ... a pause or interruption in the flow of information, that can be used for reflection or to create a short period of suspense. A dash can also indicate a pause, or something left out, or an abrupt change in thought. Pairs of dashes can also be used to separate a parenthesis - a word, clause or sentence that explains or qualifies something, in the middle of another sentence. Commas, or brackets, can also be used to indicate a parenthesis, so the use of different punctuation marks is a way to insert some diversity into the appearance of a text.

These features tend to be more common in informal kind of dialogue, and less common in formal, academic writing. An article in an encyclopedia, for instance, would hardly use dashes or ellipses. But articles in large magazines or newspapers can make use of them. Example: a quote from an article in Time Magazine about 'Man of the Year' of 2009, Ben Bernanke, where dashes are used liberally:

"Bernanke also has thoughts about the economy's future — and we'll get to them soon. First, though, we should explain why his face is on the cover of this issue. The overriding story of 2009 was the economy — the lousiness of it, and the fact that it wasn't far lousier."

The tone there is less formal than in an academic article, but still acceptable for what is considered a 'respectable' magazine.

A popular novel can use lots of dashes and ellipses, especially in dialogue. Example, a quote from J. K. Rowling's novel 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone':

"We've had Sprout's, that was the Devil's Snare - Flitwick must've put charms on the keys - McGonagall transfigured the chessmen to make them alive - that leaves Quirrel's spell, and Snapes ..."

And another quote:

"Yeah ... he asked what I did, an' I told him I was gamekeeper here ... He asked a bit about the sort of creatures I look after ... so I told him ... an' I said what I'd always really wanted was a dragon ... an' then ... I can't remember too well, 'cause he kept buying me drinks ... Let's see ... yeah, then he said he had the dragon's egg an' we could play cards for it if we wanted ... but he had ter be sure I could handle it, he didn't want it ter go to any old home ... So I told him, after Fluffy a dragon would be easy ..."

The question is just how formal must the tone be in an article here? I personally kind of think, the tone might be less formal than a typical University article, but not as casual as the dialogue in a Harry Potter book ... I would think that what would be appropriate for Time Magazine would also be appropriate here?

Then there's also still the question if I'm using the punctuation marks right. Since English is not my first language, I may be doing something inappropriate somewhere. Afrikaans use of punctuation is probably subtly different; there are subtle differences in words also, where I will get things wrong that you first-language English speakers will pick up, like the 'dark of colour' (Afrikaans 'donker van kleur') that should actually be 'dark in colour'. Or word order ... that, especially.

And certainly, ease of reading is of paramount importance! But honestly, I don't see how the first paragraph, the way I've re-written it now, can be that hard to read - ?

I've taken out some more exclamation marks ... now, there are only three left ... surely that's not too much!

More comments?

we have other crocodiles here in Africa, too >> there are other crocodiles in Africa, too (makes it neutral rather than tending towards 1st person)

whether these three are different enough from each other to constitute separate species, or whether it would be better to consider them subspecies; a level where interbreeding between the populations is still possible >> whether these three differ enough from to constitute separate species, or whether it would be better to consider them as separate subspecies - a level where interbreeding between the populations is still possible

the Dwarf Crocodile is still considered as being a single species >> the Dwarf Crocodile is still considered as a single species

a matter for another article, or series of articles >> a matter for another Entry, or series of Entries (House style)

Good entry

h5ringer
Scout

Thanks h5ringer! I've made changes according to your suggestions.

I've made some additions:

- Noting that they even have bony eyelids - a fact I consider worthy of an exclamation mark!

- Information about their reaching maturity at 5 to 6 years.

- Information about zoos where specimens can currently be found.

I also would like to know if I might paint a picture of a dwarf crocodile for use here?

Hi Willem, I'm not going to derail a pr thread with a debate about how I was taught to write english and what is considered acceptable these days. Seems to me standards are being lowered all the time.
I'll leave this for others to comment further.

I had no idea that English was not your first language Willem, I struggle with English punctuation as it is.

I think an illustration of yours, for this Entry, would be absolutely superb! Yes please!

Sigh ... I'm really trying to do this right!

OK so listen what is said right here on h2g2 about this matter. This comes from 'English Usage in the Edited Guide', here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/plain/SubEditors-Style

'To an extent, parentheses (( )), semicolons (, hyphens (-) and footnotes4 can all be used to add side notes. Try not to overuse parentheses, as the feel of the text inside them is rather under-confident. Some examples of side notes:

Parentheses (also commonly referred to as brackets) can be used to add side notes.

Semicolons can be used to add side notes; however, they require more care.

Hyphens aren't really meant to be used for side notes - dashes should be used instead - but they are still widely used in this way.

When writing side notes and asides, try to use 'en dashes' (using the code &ndash instead of hyphens. You can also use an 'en dash' in place of a hyphen in number series (see above) and in compound adjectives where neither word modifies the other (such as 'the Duckworth–Lewis method'). Bear in mind that the en dash should be used with spaces either side – like this – and that 'em dashes' should not be used.'

OK in line with that, I have replaced the hyphens in my article with en dashes.

About ellipses, the Entry on English usage says the following:

'When creating a dramatic pause mid-sentence, or when leaving a sentence hanging in the air, we use an ellipsis (...)8. This is made up of three full stops. In the case of a pause mid-sentence, the full stops begin straight after the word from where the pause starts... and a space is left between the last full stop and the following word that ends the pause. If a sentence is left hanging in the air just add three full stops. The exception to this is when you're quoting from a long passage and skipping more than a few lines, in which case, four dots in brackets ([....]) should be used to denote the part that you've skipped.'

Now, am I in line with this, or not?

Aargh ... sorry about the semicolons getting turned into wink-smileys!

As for the dash being used to indicate a pause in a sentence, here is an example from the English Usage Entry itself:

'Remember, though - if you want your Entry to make it into the Edited Guide, you can only link to Edited Guide Entries.'

One question ... should I capitalise the name African Dwarf Crocodile throughout this entry, or not? I see in Wikipedia, it varies. Sometimes names are not capitalised; for instance when speaking of several animals, one can say 'dwarf crocodiles'. When speaking of the species one can say 'the Dwarf Crocodile' ... but this, also, is not consistent on WikiPedia. The English Usage entry notes using capitals for names ... does the name of an animal species qualify?

Willem - I use lots of dashes and dots in my writing. So your text reads fine to me. I like the sound of it in my head, as I said, it is as if someone is reading a delightful commentary to me. Please don't change anything else, it is fine as it is, in my opinion!


just a stray nitpick here though - you've got @ndash instead of a normal [ - ]

>>>smaller than Nile Crocodile hatchlings @ndash; these are typically<<<

The next step will be to find some relevant links, either from the Edited Guide, or the Web. Would you like some suggestions?



Lanzababy