h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

BUMMER

I love the image of Dutch and German's spitefully gardening at each other. Brilliant! There ought to be an International Garden of Peevishness, where the world's most petulant gardeners produce stunningly irritating horticulture. I love it!

John, you must be psychic! Just 10 mins drive North of Venlo is a large landscaped garden called Kasteeltuinen ("Castle Gardens"), which is a cunning blend of military building and horticulture. I'd never really considered its true purpose before.

Sadly, like so much in this area, it's not the original 17th Century buildings, because when the Allies passed through in 1945 they flattened every building which could hide anything larger than a dachshund.

Try 'The Keukenhof' in Lisse, Holland. Only opened a few months a year, but boring enough to attract busloads of Japanese and Americans...

I've always liked the idea of a tea-garden, where old ladies sip irresistibly cheap tea. Adjacent to the tea-garden is a high hedge with a gate marked "Lavatories". Naturally, the old dears would consume as much tea as their bladders could hold. In immminent danger of bursting, they would then totter through the gate. Surprise! On the other side of the hedge, between the now desperate old ladies and the lavatory, is a maze...not a tall maze...just too high to step over. Flanking the maze, on either side, are stands packed with spectators.

And then they release the ravenous daschunds that haven't been fed for days.

Evil? Maybe? Just a little bit?

Well yust maybe. They spill's tea on their black cats sometimes

Meanwhile, back in Venlo...

Never been; couldn't comment... On second thoughts maybe I should