h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Speaking as an aspiring Stand-Up comedian, I have seen incidents such as you describe on quite a few occasions. The only thing I'll disagree with you on is this...... most audiences, having paid to see comedy, are usually on your side, especially if it is amateur night or if an act is announced as an "Open Spot". Dying a death is embarrassing for performer and audience alike.

It's worth pointing out that even well-established acts can die on stage. I did a weekend stint with one guy who headlined on a Friday and Saturday. Friday night, he absolutely stormed it; blew the roof off. Saturday night, at the same venue with the same set, he got booed off stage. You never can tell.....

Have I died? Oh, yes. Out of my thirty or so gigs to date I've had two or three really awful sessions. But at least I had the sense to get off stage quick. There is no sense in prolonging the agony...

As you say it can be just as painful for the audience as it is for the comedian. You don't want to see someone fail so you try and laugh even when its not funny just to try and make them feel better. which is not a good feling.

You're right about audiences being fickle too and once they decide someone is rubbish thats it.

Murphys Malarkey in Fallowfield, Manchester is the place to be for good quality, good value stand up.

I know Scruffy's. I've done a couple of open slots there. I hope Toby sorts out his problems with the Brewery soon.

Last gig I did was July 17th, with Jason John Whitehead, a thin Canadian fella who did 45 bloody good minutes. Were you there? Can you picture the little blond guy doing the first slot? That was me.

Yeah I remember. Small world. Were you there last night? Des sharples did the first slot and really struggled. Its strange because i've seen him do almost exactly the same set before and gone down a storm.

The problem at the moment, because we've got no funding, is, a lot of the acts are friends of Toby or Jason so the regulars have seen them all many times before. Last night was a prime example. Out of the four acts last night, there was only the headline act that I didn't know the set inside out. (excuse my use of english but i'm very hungover)

Still it was a good night. Just not quite up to the usual high standard.

Yes, it seems that some of the time the audience is with you... Providing things are going well, as I said. I too, have paid damned good money to be entertained by some 'comedians' and it is not pleasant to see them under-perform. But that's the point: Having paid the best part of a tenner to see someone recite a collection of the world's worst jokes, I think they deserve to die (sometimes literally, if necessary).

I think part of the Stand Up experience for the audience involves secretly placing a hex upon the performer so that (s)he doesn't make it through the act. Watching a comedian die on stage is like that feeling you get when you lean too far back on a chair and you know it's going to tip: You want that feeling to last forever, although it shocks you to feel it.

I myself have no concerns whatsoever about watching a comedian die on his/her arse, and I think you are wrong to suggest that the audience are always with you - I've only ever seen that apply to the best man at a wedding. Even then, it can be touch and go.

I hate watching comedians have a bad session.

Have you been to the britains protection? It can be really painful there sometimes.

I suppose I'm mainly used to scruffys where you get most of the same members each week. Everyone (well most people) really want the comics to do well.

Briton's Protection? It's not your usual gig, I'll grant you. I've played there two or three times, although I haven't been during its recent "renaissance". Whenever I've been, I've used it to try new and undeveloped material. There are amateur acts queueing up to get in there, so the feedback can be great. At the risk of upsetting someone, I'd say the Briton's is becoming more of a comedian's club than a comedy club. This is not a bad thing.

Shame about Des. I've gigged with him several times, and it's rare to see him struggle. He made the semis of "So you think you're funny", dontcha know. Unfortunately I wasn't there last night, but I'll be there in the next week or two, mainly to try and scrounge a gig. Since I'm now using my real name in H2G2, you might get a better idea of who I am. (Why my real name? Check out my homepage)

BTW,if you did remember me, can you remember anything about my set? I'm always open to comments...

To answer Hunter's point; I said "most audiences" are with you, not "all". There will always be those who enjoy witnessing the failures. There will also always be the drunken heckler who simply won't shut up. But these are the minority. From my experience of several clubs, both as performer and audience, I stand by my original comments.

Remind me of some of your gags and I'm sure it'll come flooding back.

I think you are right about the Britains. Its still an alright night from a punters point of view.

My material...

Shaggy using lots of words that end in "...ation" (Inspiration, Playstation, etc)

Getting upset because I threw an egg at John Prescott...and missed the fat git.

Re-enacting the killings in Nepal.

Anti-paedophile protesters going around to suspect paedophiles' houses...and taking their kids with them.

Short bloke...bit fat...glasses...blond crew cut.

Does any of this ring a bell?

Yeah, I remember the shaggy jokes. Can't quite picture you though. There is a reason for my nickname

From what I can remember you were good. I've been going to scruffys for about the last three months every week so it all gets a bit hazy.....all the nights seem to blend into one.

Next gig you do I promise to pay more attention and remember the set

Are you coming down on tuesday then?

It seems as though I have begun some crazy Stand Up convention in which comedians and audiences bandy their best and worst experiences (and jokes)around like a pimp with his whores. Never mind, though, it's not a bad thing.

I'd like to do some stand up myself, although I know I'd be s**t at it; but then, so are most comedians. The best piece of observational comedy I've ever heard, though (actually there are two), are: 1) "Shopping in Aldi is only one step up from rummaging through the bins..." and, 2) "Do you ever do that thing where you are walking down the street and you hear a car coming up behind you and you think, 'I must get to that tree before the car drives past me, or else I'll die...'" Magic! You can use those gags, boys.

thank u....I think

I couldn't use those lines, because they're someone elses. One of the golden rules on the "alternative" comedy circuit is that you write your own material. Using other people's stuff is like.... like.... er.... well, it's bad, Ok? It's the main difference between "alternative" and "mainstream". On the mainstream working men's clubs and end-of-pier shows, any old gag merchant can spout any old gags and pretend he's got some talent.

I'll try and get to the Malarkey this Tuesday. Can't promise, which I just know will leave you on tenterhooks until then...

Well if u do make it. My names Lee. Long ginger hair. Toby, Jason and Spider know me, ask them, so come and say hello.

Hunter...did i give the impression that I'm a stand up comic? If I did, soz, I haven't the guts or the talent but I do love being in the audience. Where are you from?

It's alomst an impossible ideal to completely make up your own material - you can't create in a vacuum, and ultimately, you have to be aware that there are only a (relatively) few scenarios which are funny. I think it's OK to use other comedians' material, as long as you apply your own POV to it. Indeed, I watch an awful lot of stand up, and it's fair to say that there are gags out there which are undoubtedly based upon other comedians' stuff. Even the exceptional Jack Dee, Harry Hill and Lee Evans do it, so why not?

It's great to be an idealist, man, but when it comes down to it, you are not judged by an audience on the basis of your comedic ideologies - you're judged by whether you are funny or not. Maybe you should think about 'adapting' some others' material: You might even end up on TV.

(I'm from Manchester, by the way, and often go to the Frog and Bucket.)

Hunter.... wow! More people from Manchester?

If you can make it to the Frog's Raw nights (currently on Thursday), maybe we can meet in person.

Or are you scared ......

Scared? About what? Have I missed something? Are you planning on fighting me?

No... I had a reason for writing that, and it was funny at the time. Then again, I'd had a few beers, so it probably wasn't that funny even if I could remember what it was.

Fair enough then, my Oriental friend. I've never had a fight over the internet before, or a 'cyber-fight' if you prefer.

I'm actually living away from Manchester at the moment, but do get back as often as I can, so I'll go to the Frog and Bucket as soon as is humanly possible. Do you do gigs anywhere else? Are you that kind of comedian, or are you just a local bloke doing local gigs?

I need answers to these questions now! Provide them!