h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Post Writing Challenge. Advertising the Un-Advertisable - A83752419
Author: frannie - U14838357

Post Writing Challenge - Advertising the Un-Advertisable.

SERENITY – YOURS FOR THE ASKING

Have you ever found yourself replaying a conversation in your head and suddenly thought of a witty remark you could have said? Or been placed in an awkward situation and been lost for words? Have you ever agreed to something because you couldn’t find the right way to say no? Sounds familiar? Do you envy friends who have the ability to say the right thing at the right time? Well worry no more. Serenity is an exciting new product that makes those situations a thing of the past. Serenity is a lightweight handheld device that resembles an mp3 player, complete with earpiece. You simply carry Serenity on your person, either in your pocket or handbag and attach the earpiece. When you need a quick response, the device transmits your conversation via the mobile telephone network to a team of experts and at the touch of a button the appropriate answer is relayed into your ear. Sounds too good to be true? Here are some testimonials from satisfied customers.

Hilda Buncle from Bristol says: Serenity has changed my life. I used to dread the weekly meetings of our local church group. It always seemed to be me, that was left to make cakes or knit balaclavas. Even though Jane from the butchers had so much time on her hands now the twins have grown up, and Percy is on a walking tour of the highlands. And Agnes never got asked because of her Alopecia. It got to the stage where my marriage was suffering. Arthur liked his spotted dick on a Monday, but he was most put out when he had to forego it, because I had to make thirty fairy cakes for the church fete. And when I told him I didn’t have time to help him complete his jigsaw puzzle, because I had to knit twenty bobble hats for the poor kiddies in Africa, he went up to his shed. Things had to change. When I saw Serenity advertised in the free paper on the bus, I sent off for one straight away. I haven’t looked back. When Mrs Chippendale(our chair, no pun intended), asked me if I wouldn’t mind making costumes for the boy scouts play, I reached into my pocket and used my Serenity. I will always remember her face when I told her that as a pensioner I didn’t have the funds or resources to help her, and that surely her good friend Marco the tailor, was better placed to volunteer than me. After all she saw him regularly for fittings when Mr Chippendale was away on business. Thank you Serenity for giving me back my Arthur.

Sharon Sharpe from Radstock says: There was this girl in my work who hated me. She was right pretty and slim and all. She’d see me in the canteen and always had to say something horrible. Specially that time I had my hair done, like the girl from Hollyoaks and she said I looked like a fat tart. Mum said I should have said something, but I aint like that, I just get upset and swear and I hate people making me do that. Anyway Auntie Shirley got me a Serenity, the luxury one, cos Auntie Shirley always buys the best. It was pretty cool, cos I got a pink one, and I like things like that. It worked as well. I don’t even know what a ‘wizened screw with the personality of an amoeba’ is, but Jason from accounts laughed when I said it, and he’s lush. She don’t bother me now, and funny thing is, I aint eating so many doughnuts no more.*

Jim Davies from Hull says:. I don’t go much on gadgets. Never really had the time for them. But according to wife, I don’t know when to shut my mouth. She reckons I am too blunt. I’m not always right, but I’m not often wrong. Just say it like it is. Speak as I find. Trouble is people take offence. Take it the wrong way. That’s all changed now. I don’t just blurt out what I’m thinking. Not saying I don’t think it, because I do, I just don’t say it anymore. Some bloke tells me what to say through this earpiece thingy. Seems to work. Still got me job, it was touch and go at one time. Mates just think I’m a bit mutton and I’ve gone a bit soft in me old age. Anyway, that Serenity gadget is alright, as gadgets go.
Serenity comes complete with earpiece, packaged in a handy plastic case. The basic model offers the option of one touch response. The luxury model offers the additional options of Basic response mode, Witty response mode, Technical response mode(for those times when faced with a situation where you may be blinded by science) and Angry response mode(for those times when smiling nicely just won’t do). Our team of experts are chosen for their intelligence, honesty and integrity.
Serenity is yours to buy for the simple introductory price of ‘a moment of your time’.** Send away for your key to happiness today at the address below.***

*Disclaimer: the makers of Serenity would like to state that Serenity cannot be used as a weight loss product unless accompanied by a calorie controlled diet and exercise regime.

**‘A moment of your time, is a contract entered into between the makers of Serenity and the consumer to be honoured as dictated by the makers of Serenity when and where they see fit.

***Address withheld pending the ruling of the High Court in the case of Serenity versus Clegg for breach of contract.

I think this is really good, frannie. It's both witty and true.

And can I have one? We all need Serenity from time to time.

I particularly liked Sharon's piece - this is a real character sketch.

And you've kept to the rules of the challenge, which is more than can be said of most of us!

The rules of the challenge??? You mean there are rules??? . hmm

Yes, frannie, I agree with mvp, your characters are really approachable, as if I know these people. You have a definite style that always makes me smile. A smile-style.

Do you do a lot of writing? Do you write for magazines or anything?

(. For the record, I don't offer official type critique, because I don't have the useful knowledge, but I love to read through things here on h2g2, sometimes, and offer any pictures that might come to me.)

cc

Yeah, CC, but the rules are just wishful thinking on my part.

Thanks for this, we'll get it in, and let everybody share in the fun. Thanks for contributing.

(You even kept to the word limit, at 937 words. This overworked editor thanks you. )

Thank you am glad you liked it. Tried to stick the rules, but probably didn't. I really need a Serenity because I am like Jim.

Thanks CC for the feedback. Any response is great and welcomed. Am not into official critiques, all that matters is that people like my stuff. Am perfectly aware of my long paragraphs and bad grammar. Haha. I don't write for mags or anyone else. Wish I did, wouldn't that be nice.