After last week's poor showing, things appear to have hotted up somewhat,
and not before time. I mean, its not like I read any of it anyway, but, well
its nice to be told that someone is endeavouring to make the thing interesting.

Where was I? Oh yes. Big Bandwagon. I was informed that I got the details
wrong in some places. Well, I have news for you, punks. I'm the media here,
and what I say goes. So, if I said Don alfredo exposed himself to Cafram, he
did, capische? It would do to bear this rule in mind when you don't remember
what I report actually happening. Because it did. Just in secret.

Anyway. This week, the inmates, sadly bereft of Sea and aka, appeared to act
on the pleas for more sex and carnage. Saucy shower shenanigans have been
taking place aplenty. Cafram has a fine career in erotica ahead of her if
she continues like she is. She has taken actually to camping in the steam in
the showers, somewhat appropriately I feel, in order to take clandestine
photos of a naked Don Alfredo. Whatever turns you on! She has pinned these
up on the wall in the girls bedroom, presumably as an alternative to
sleeping pills. I'm not entirely sure what Don A has to say about this, but he
is Dutch! Well, they do things differently there.

Otherwise, d'Elaphant has been up to more mischief, for which he gets this
week's 'Good Work Feller' award. This time he has been using the newly
aquired CLI maidbot for his own nefarious escape schemes. He managed to wire
it to speed into a wall and blow a hole in it. Sadly, Big Bandwagon was
watching him and, although the omnipresent mobile doughnut stall was visible,
along with a crowd, the hole was soon being guarded by big shaven-headed
scary types. A missed opportunity there, I think.

There are insubstantiated rumours of vote rigging by one secretive figure,
whose identitiy cannot be revealed. Conspiracy fans may be interested that
his name begins with 'K' and ends in 'ing Cthulu'. I will say no more about
it, however. It would be indiscrete of me.

Despite all the sexual tension and buckets of hormones sloshing around
however, the single attempt at actual carnage was something of a let down.
At one point the ever inventive d'E challenged all comers to a punch up.
Sadly, this had only limited effect. h2g2 is a place cursed by excessive
fluffiness. I truly believe that if it weren't for my surley presence, the
whole nausiating kaboodle would implode in a shower of hug smilies and cute
little bunnies. I could hold you all to ransom, you know. But I digress,
mainly because I'm fighting for things to say. At one point the fight
threatened to look nasty when it transpired that d'E was wearing Rama's
dress, but not even felonous cross dressing could stir them to battle and
they ended up swapping drinking anecdotes. I dont know why I bother, quite
frankly.

In other news, there was a barracuda in the toilet and StarTrek conventions all taking place in the bedrooms, courtesy of a departing Sea. No really.

And there, folks, you have it. All your big bandwagon goodness condensed
into bite-sized form. We're too good for you, we really are.

Uncle Heavy

Task 2 was set on Friday to entertain the occupants as much as the watchers. The challenge was to come up with 50 lightbulb jokes and choose the best 10! The challenge was great fun for all involved and the results can be viewed at The Surrounds.

Task 3 was far harder. The participants had to organise a five-course gourmet meal, order the correct ingredients, plan their time in the kitchen and serve, eat and clear it away. After some initial confusion over what exactly constituted a 'Gourmet Meal', the team settled down to choosing their course of preference.

• Course 1:Carpaccio frome vela and tunafish by Don Alfredo
• Course 2:Traditional Leek and Potato soup with Croutons by Rama
• Course 3:Blackened Catfish by d'Elaphant
• Course 4: Babotie by Infinity.
• Course 5:Pavlova by Cafram

These were accompanied by wines chosen to complement the flavour of the dish:

1. Argiolas - Rosato Serra Lori - Isola dei Nuraghi
2. ?
3. Pinot Noir from Chateau Julien in California
4. Mulderbosch Faithful Hound 1996 Red Blend.
5. Port (Penfolds - ten years old)

The meals all sounded delicious and all the diners appeared to have a good time! The ingredient orders can be found here and the preparations can be found here.

The results of the vote are now in. Voting was slightly disrupted by a change of email address, but all votes were eventually recovered and are as follows:

• Cafram 0% of the votes
• Infinity 6%
• d'Elephant 22%
• Don Alfredo 28%
• Rama 44%

So, it is with a heavy heart we ask Rama and Don Alfredo to pack their bags and say farewell to their colleagues!

Watch out for further developments from the safety of the Surrounds

02.08.01. Front Page

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