Good day fellow researchers. Many, many people are currently campaigning for your vote and I'm sure all are well intentioned and have all of our best interests at heart, but do they have what it takes to lead H2G2 into the brave new world that blossoms around us?
Can they honestly pledge more cake, stiff drinks and sex to every researcher?
Can they legitimately claim to be in a position to organise not only more London meets but also more of the much neglected regional meets?
And how many can claim a Minister of Pizza, a Minister of Smut and Debauchery and a Minister of Cheesy Disco? Just think on that for a moment. A Minister of Cheesy Disco. I needn't say more.
But I shall as a 120 word party political broadcast doesn't really cut it.
There are those that campaign to smash the cute, cuddly little
hedgemonies. This is reprehensible. We will campaign to save the lovely little hedgemonies. They are close to our hearts and we're sure that they're close to yours as well.
There are those that would have you believe that they are special. This is because they have been touched by his noodly appendage. Well, here's news for ya', we too have been touched by his noodly appendage, we just don't like to shout about it.
There are those that campaign on a foundation built purely of badgers. We support the badger, cherish the badger and, on occasion, nourish the badger. Again, we don't like to shout about it.
We are one of the few parties with the chutzpah to say during an
election campaign, 'Banning plants is preposterous'. It's so preposterous that we feel no need to shout about this either.
Truth be told, we don't like SHOUTING at all, but we will if we have
to. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few love-eggs.
Which brings me to handcuffs. Many of you will have seen the handcuffs on our campaign page and thought 'Ooh, I don't want to vote for them, they want to tie me to their ideology and stamp a studded boot over free thought'. Not a bit of it! Our handcuffs represent freedom of expression, unbridled enthusiasm and self empowerment.
This is what we are all about. You want more cake, stiff drinks and sex?
Well, you can have all of these things, and we are here to help you. Your goals are our goals. Only you can bring the change in your life, and that change must be electing the 'They're Not People, They're Hippies' party. We're here to help you fulfil your desires and discover your inner beauty, develop your hidden talents and unleash your hidden peccadilloes.
We will promote equality through diverse pleasures and peace through
'We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.' - Oscar Wilde.
'Bibbledy bibbledy wee bleeeeespipdeedeedeedeedoo.' - John Coltrane, on Miles Davis' 'So What'.