h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I just updated and removed the link.

Have you had a look at my other comments, as well Mr. Christopher?

Yes, and I made what changes I could.

I like the changes, they are certainly an improvement. I still see some problems with the entry, though.

Firstly, when you talk about the teams seperating, I don't think the bit in the brackets 'so members of the opposing team cannot hear them' makes much sense. The problem is, that you were talking about both teams collectively, so there is no opposing team as such, and it isn't clear who 'them' refers to. I would phrase this as something like 'so the teams cannot here each other', or 'so each team cannot hear the other', or some variation on those.

You then talk about writing phrase on the slips of paper, here: '..when comimg up with phrases to put on their pieces of paper. Firstly, I would say here that the phrases are going to be guessed by the opposing team, although you do mention this later on. Something 'for the other team to guess', or 'that the other team will be required to guess', or something like that would work well, I think.

Also, I think the phrasing makes it seem that you've already explained that they will be writing phrases on a piece of paper. Only a subtle tweak is required here, I think, to make it something like 'whilst they come up with phrases..', or ' whilst each time comes up with phrases'.

Also, further on in the preparation section, you say the teams should put their slips in their baskets. Here, you say basket, whereas previously you have given the option of hats, or other containers. Also, I think the ordering would be better if you put the bit about putting the slips in the baskets first in the last paragraph of the section, before you mention the teams coming together, so things are in chronological order.

Also, the last sentence seems oddly phrased. Saying 'some teams may wish to..', seems a bit odd, whereas 'players may with to' or 'you may wish to' would sound more natural. Also, I would avoid talking about team A and B at this point, as it doesn't seem very useful. Something like '..so that the teams have their chairs on opposite sides of the room.

That's all for know.

I was wondering where you wanted (what you meant by) this:

"Also, I think the phrasing makes it seem that you've already explained that they will be writing phrases on a piece of paper. Only a subtle tweak is required here, I think, to make it something like 'whilst they come up with phrases..', or ' whilst each time comes up with phrases'."

Also, the rules ask us not to use the word "whilst."

I was particularly referring to the bit where you said 'when comimg up with phrases to put on their pieces of paper'. It's the word 'when' that seems to be the problem. I think this would be more appropriate if you had already talked about writing phrases on bits of paper, but I think here whilst, would be more appropriate. It's hard to say why, but it's just how the phrase comes across to me. 'Whilst' could probably be while instead, or some other alternative used.

This may be moot, anyway, as I think there are other problems with the sentence, and solving them might resolve this problem as well.

The other problems are these: The 'so each team cannot hear each other' bit, should read 'so each tea mcannot hear the other', I think.

Also, the whole sentence 'The two teams should seperate so each team cannot hear each other when comimg up with phrases to put on their pieces of paper for the other team to guess.' , with no comma, is rather a long one, and I think it should be split into 2, although you might be able to make it 1 sentence, split by commas. I also think the sentence would flow better if you mentioned that the phrases chosen for the other team to guess should be mentioned early, as that is the main point of the phrases, and the writing on bits of paper should be mentioned later, in the sentence (or 2 sentences). Here is a sample of the shor of thing I'm thinking that deals with all the points raised above, including the one where you didn't seem to understand what I meant.

'The two teams should seperate so each team cannot hear the other while they come up with phrases for the other team to guess, which they then to put on their pieces of paper.'

Another variation would be something like this:
'The two teams should seperate so that each team cannot hear the other, and come up with phrases for the other team to guess. They then should write these phrases on their slips of paper.

That's just be illustration of the sort of things I mean.

I have another look through the entry, and apart from this, I can't see any other problems with this. I think it is nearly ready for the edited guide.

You may not know, but I have a second entry in the review that seems to have been forgoten? The Beaufort Wind Scale, an informative look at the history of wind forces. Could you pop over and take a look when you're done here?

Here it is: http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/F48874?thread=219479

I haven't played this game before, so I don't know and couldn't tell: Are you supposed to pick difficult phrases, or not? Who decides if they are sporting?

That's really up to the players. When I played with some friends from ModEuroHis class, we did only famous people in history.

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