h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hi there, a*cB - instead of adding this to the 'sexy' thread were so many other postings have been made in the meantime: YES, you do take the weather with you - - - each time I see your name I know I'm about to read an intresting contribution and each time the signature you choose for the occasion ads a surprising 'extra' side to what you stated above.

pleasure bumping into you from time to time

have a and sparkling day!

sunny

Oh Sunny, that's really nice.
Thanks


One of the things I really like about my user-name is that I can insert any noun I like in the middle of it. I didn't plan it that way, I just used it because it included my name and indicated my gender, (but not, alas, my age).

Dunno what to sign myself now!

a flummox called Ben

looking forward to meet some of your namings to come

hm - found your 'open relationship' thread. Acutally I'm not too eager posting 'my story' there; is it ok if I tell you the facts here + just use the thread to ad my comments on the other's postings?

have a * day

Sunny, please do whatever you feel comfortable with.

I find it interesting that most people are praising monogomy. Having been there and done that for 16 years, I am enjoying a commitment-free affair at the moment - but just one at a time.

a*cB

all right. will try to get the 'useful' aspects together one of these days.



as for monogamy - possibly has to do with what your (i.e. their) expectation / idea of a couple is.

plus I imagine if you have children it's a different story (of dependence..?) altogether.

(nice title for it, too..)

the raw facts for a start (comments will follow)

I'm 34, he's 47 and has a son of 17. we're together for almost 6 years now (so here's for - a bit of - duration)

I don't know any other people in 'open' relationships, so my experience is all I can tell you.

From the beginning it was clear that he had lots of friends, lots of them being women, some of them being very close (also in a physical sense). AND from almost the beginning it was absolutely clear that if I asked him to he would stop having sex with them (at least for about 3 years as he once put it - not to make a promise he wasn't sure he could keep).

In this time I had two affairs (all other men I know seem to be terribly faithful to their partners..)

So our definition of open is: we know the 'extras' don't threaten the relationship as such. so it's rather like the 'main woman' and the - interchangeable - 'concubines'.

more to where that leaves the main woman some other time.

I can see the attraction of that.

I know that I am a-bit-on-the-side for the man I am seeing at the moment, and I don't want anything heavy like commitment at the moment, so it suits me. But I am certain that the 'main woman' would not be as relaxed about, and would see it as much more of a threat than it actually is. More pain for her than pleasure for us, if she found out - which seems unfair on her.

Luckily I am blessedly free from jealousy. If someone is with me, I assume that it is because they want to be with me. If someone is not with me... well, my husband was mainly faithful, and I didn't find out that he wasn't completely fathful until after the event. By that time, I wanted him to have the joys and fun of a new relationship anyway. And I only 'borrow' my current main squeeze, and what he does when he is not with me is none of my business.

But this is all easy because I my heart is not involved here.

Which I guess makes me
a heartless bitch called Ben

or just an honest girl called Ben

Oh, that too!

in a way it seems to boil down to this (apart from my comments in the thread): we have the space for additional contacts in our relationship. that works quite well (i.e. up to now seems to be worth the emotional price we pay for it) as long as the other persons accept their 'only tolerated' status. it became really difficult when one of them wanted to take over my place (we made mistakes - and learned from them).

it also means that when there's nobody around the space still is there, only vacant. in other words: there is not the feeling 'I'm so glad it's over and hope it won't happen again as long as possible' - I know there will be others (hopefully for both of us..) and knowing this makes them even more interchangeable and with this even less threatening.

I'll get back to you if there's more I think might be of interest.

have a marvellous day!

- not being forbidden takes a (big?) part of the thrill / attraction away from it; and with it from the potential danger.

- knowing we are not staying together because in some moral way we feel we _have_ to, but because we _want_ to

- wanting the other to have a good and full life

as mentioned earlier: it only works because
- I know I could draw the limit somewhere else or even say I don't tolerate it at all from now on
- I know he would never leave me for another woman
- we don't have children together