h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

'Wot, no X-Ray? No EEG? No Spin-Tomo-Weirdography? Y'know, these are prerequisite before prescribing Aspirin. Don't you have some recently bought Ultrasonic Inspecto-Magic to write off?'

Doctor: Well, if you really must have *something* done, then we can schedule you for one of those things where the guy puts a lead bib on you, jumps behind the lead wall, and makes a buzzing noise with a comb and a a piece of wax paper, then we can do that. Or you can plug into the machine that goes "ping". I don't recommend that one, though, because today is Thursday, which means the technicians are having their poker game, and don't want to be bothered with patients. The last time someone interrupted their game with a patient, there were all sorts of accusations about cheating when the game recommenced, and it very nearly ended in gunplay. Hospital policy has been changed to avoid this sort of thing. I can squeeze you in for a good pinging on Saturday, if you like.

Patient: Err.. this does sound like quackery (see A539084). But I am paying for your treatment, hence I'm entiteled to be treated, not quacked!

Doctor: Well, you are being treated. Being treated like an insignificant annoyance, true, but that is still treatment.

Ok, that's fine with me as long as it costs a fortune (or two).
It's always a pleasure to be recognised as a valuable being