h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I do hope you post an explanation, re. eggs in to milk bottles as I hope to obtain some sleep tonight, not toss and turn wondering about it. Worse still, I might be forced to consult search engines as to the solution, thus taking me away from h2g2.

Tee Hee! Well, I know how to get them in....
Well here goes:

You need an empty glass milk bottle, a match, some paper and a peeled *hard-boiled* egg.

Light the paper with the match, and drop it into the empty milk bottle. Now, put the egg (pointed end first) in the opening of the milk bottle. Watch. Be amazed as the suction created by the using up of oxygen in an enclosed space draws the egg in....

And if someone could tell us all how to get it out without much breaking of glass (I've seen it being done, but can't remember....damn my brain!), then I think it would save all our sanities together.

Stay cool all,


WD

ps: comments on the entry will also be great too!

Thanks. I can't wait to be called upon to perform a party trick now. Prior to this knowledge I had a limited repertoire, most of which are best not performed whilst wearing the obligatory spangly christmas frock.

Hallo Witty Ditty,

A very nice entry that now has me wanting a nice eggy and doc sez 'eat egg substitute' If I wanted egg substitute I could re-join the military!

Only picky picky picky stuff to say:

Your pronouns are pretty consistently irregular; you start a sentence with 'the egg' and refer to 'them' later in the same sentence. You also talk about 'people that...' and it's 'people who...'. If I were you, I'd print a hard copy, and give it to your housemate, spouse, offspring (if old enough) to quick check by reading it aloud to you. Hearing sentences nearly always fixes those errors.

Only other even more tiny, but potentially *important* thing is about egg-boiling (or any cooking, but the boiling of things that are timed is especially tricky) at high altitudes. 'High' is usually defined as 5000 ft./1800 mtres. above sea level. The rules change again, and drastically, above 9000 ft/3000 mtres. People who live up *that* high have to adjust *everything*, so nobody usually mentions this.

For 5000ft/1800 mtres above sea level, you have to add at least two minutes cooking time for the softest egg to be remotely cooked. (I live in the Mile-Hi City of Denver, where a 3 minute egg is a raw egg.) Runny/runny/5-6 mins. Soft set/runny/7-8mins. Set/soft set/10-12 mins. Hard set/set 15 mins. Hard/hard (tongueout) 17 mins.

Really! The atmospheric pressure is enough lower that water boils at a sufficiently lower temp that the times change by that much. I haven't measured, but I've heard water here boils at about 195 F (~78? C) which is significantly different from sea level. The higher up you go, the longer you have to boil, but above 9000 ft/3000 mtrs no one tries to cook *anything* boiled. It doesn't cook; it gets warm, evaporates, and *that* is how to burn an egg.

Good luck with it!

Arpeggio for LeKZ
(notorious pedant, fascist, and putter-down of would-be writers)

YOu're quite right about the whole thing about punctuation and hard copying...I find that too, esp. with essays etc. Will do that soon, but no ink in printer . I'll send it to a friend of mine who will be only too happy to do that. This might take some time as a result...

About the whole altitude business; I hadn't even considered that (being in London-sea level and sinking according to some climatitians)- it's a very interesting point and I think that it definitely needs mentioning. I suppose it's the same for making tea too I'll try and pop that in as soon as possible; it will probably appear before the punctuation changes I think.

17 mins for Hard-boiled? I'd think I'd lose patience and just make an omelette - but that's just me je suppose

And egg substitute? Please don't take offense but it sounds - Be a devil - go forth and boil!

Stay cool,


WD

WD --

Tea at 5000ft. takes *longer*. Tea at 9000 ft. takes a *pressure cooker*. I'm not joking.

Personally, I think the gnarstiest thing one can do to a nice, hapless eggy is overcook it until it becomes a rubbery toy fit only for a dog... o, and how schools accomplish that sulphuric green-tinged yolk is one of the more repulsive Mysteries of Life, which I prefer not to understand. Poaching times at altitude are different too, of course.

I like a 6-7 minute egg here, which is a 3min. egg sea level. Egg substitute is... not anything like eggs. That is the main reason I'm s'posed to eat it: no cholesterol.

How to get the egg both into and out of the bottle: soak overnight in one part vinegar to two parts water. This dissolves the hardest minerals in the shell, and renders it rubbery. Use vaccuum, or just a little smooshing to push in (the hole has to be at least 3/4 in/2cm or it really doesn't want to go) and turn over, gasp and pull gently to yank out. The membrane just inside the shell is quite durable, and if the shell's been made rubbery, it co-operates nicely. If you're any good at sleight-of-hand, have an unaltered raw handy to substitute, and crack into a bowl dramatically while palming squishy.


Arpeggio of LeKZ
Peer Review Terrorist and Anal/Compulsive

But I can still drink coffee at that altitude ?

Well, here are the changes thus far....

>altitude is put in

>links to omelettes and scrambled eggs due to above

>slowly altering grammar; as I haven't got a grammar checker on my word processor program, then this one may take some time for proof reading; let me know where stuff needs to be altered and I'll try and get to it as soon as possible

Hmmmm, surely as long as your diet isn't composed purely/mainly of eggs you can have the odd one now and again?

Thank you for the comments! Any more will be gratefully received!

Stay cool,


WD

Witty Ditty,

Here are a few specific grammar and other detail thingies:

'they couldn't even boil an egg', which jokingly pertains to an individual's severe culinary inability.
-- 'they' are plural, and 'an individual' is singular . You might use 's/he' or 'he or she' or 'someone'?

the crunch moment.


add about two minutes
-- MY fault. I said that, and then gave you the actual numbers, and it isn't consistently two minutes. It's more like consistently *twice as long*. 17 minutes for hard-boiled is a while. Sorry!

you will have no idea which end the yolk came to rest.
-- 'you will' is future, and 'came to rest' is past. It's probably more straightforward to start out 'There is no way to tell...' than with 'you'? Preference, really, on this one.

When taking your first mouthful,
-- What about getting the bits of shell out *before* that first bite? People die from swallowing egg shell bits. It's generally what is known as a Bad Idea to leave any in the egg... unpleasantly crunchy indeed! My fillings hurt!

Accompanying the egg
-- Will be the Shropshire Symphony Orchestra... nah. Only point, and it's true of all the Headers, is you *might* want to Caplitalise All the Words Except for Articles and Prepositions and 'And'. Or you might not, but whichever you do, do it consistently.

But the egg is not just served on its own.
-- Kind of a goofy use of the passive voice... makes it sound as though the Egg were being provided with some sort of service. Are You Being Served, Mr Dumpty? It's generally thought good not to begin sentences with 'and', 'but', or 'hopefully'. So, in this case (and a couple of others), how about turning it around and saying 'Eggs are usually served with other foods, such as...'. There are just a few sentences like that which need rearranging.

Reeves and Mortimer are two British comedians which use
--'who', even if they are really bad comedians

The places in which they use the boiled egg is in Bang Bang, It's Reeves and Mortimer, and also in the first series of the remake of Randall and Hopkirk (deceased).
--'The places' plural, in which they use the boiled egg singular, is (plural) 'flick 1' , and also...'flick2'
You do realise you just said they used the same boiled egg in all these places, don't you? The set must have got rather pungent, under those film lights, by the time they got to flick2.
Just start with 'They used boiled eggs...' and you won't call up such funky smelling images !

Yeah, have a . Cream? How many lumps (as Mum used to say; I don't think I've actually seen lump sugar in 25-30 years)? Hope I was able to be of assistance.

Arpeggio, for LeKZ
Mean, overbearing, threatening and generally terrifying English language Usage Fascist from Hell... or so I have heard them say...

Phew! That was a thorough grammatical analysis! Anyway, I've tried to act on them (knowing me I've probably missed a few, let me know if I have )

Here goes:

>the intro 'they' to 'he/she' has been done

>crunch moment removed. Looking at it again, it just looked strange.

>corrected the 2 mins to 'about double' in the Altitude section

>eggshell bit: I actually *meant* before, but the fingers were typing too fast for the brain....

>If only the Shropshire Symphony could accompany my breakfast....if only.... Titles have been altered accordingly

> Mr Dumpty, would you care to sample the Brioche? I do recommend the condiments today, I trust you will find them to your satisfaction? I would pay good money to see that...joking aside, the passive voice has been extinguished and now been replaced with something a bit better IMO. I may have missed a few though.....

>Reeves and Mortimer bit has been altered also

Fresh I think; black, twist of lemon (optional), the Sunday paper with the on my lap. If I had a ....I think they still do lump sugar, but I don't like sugar in tea or

You were a real help; really nice and detailed , just how I like these comments as they give me an idea of how far I need to take the entries. Usually I wouldn't have so many grammatical errors, as I usually draft things on paper before making the 2nd draft onto computer. For some weird reason, I can't seem to do that with H2G2, hence the errors all over the place.

Anyway, I hope that I have addressed the points well, if not, then feel free to comment; as always, all comments are gratefully received!

Stay cool ,
WD

By the way, for everyone's information, the post which was removed on this Thread (the post is not written by myself, however I feel it necessary to defend the post as it was incredibly helpful), was not in the least bit insulting, amoral, unethical, irresponsible, corruptive, perverted or the least bit illegal.

It was on a few grammatical errors on my entry which desperately needed seeing to. I think you could work out the tone and content of the post by my reply to it anyway...

So please, if you do see the 'removed' post and think, 'er, what is this thread doing to boiled eggs?!?' then believe me, it is nothing sensational. Just grammar and altitude.

Any other comments on the entry will be, as always, gratefully received!

Stay cool ,
WD

Thanks WD, with your help I can now actually boil an egg properly. Thank you

BTW - all the other eggy stuff is really interesting as well.

WD --

THANK YOU for the disclaimer re moderated post. TPTB are on a Mission of some kind, and I'm officially not allowed to do anything right until further notice...

Yeggies at yalititude, yep. S'all it twas.

Now, the article looks FAB, dollink, so roll yourself out a nice carpet and have the butler fetch you some !

O, Giles, Ms Ditty needs a bottle of the best from the cellar! DO be brisk about it!

Cheers. I expect that'll get rec'd in no time.

Ah, no, but thank you. I have to drive back up the mountain. I'll take a

Arpeggio, for LeKZ
who can't decide whether to become more or less paranoid <>

Oh thank you all! You're all being rather sweet!

I will go and break out the bubbly soon; there is a ball on this Sat organised by the student onion, so (future notice here) if anyone doesn't hear any reply from me this coming weekend, that is because I will be incredibly and hence or exceptionally and hence feeling terribly .

I will probably do the egg trick this weekend, and fail due to the as a result of the vast quantities of I will have consumed


In the meantime though, sobriety rules over everything, so any futher comments will be; as always; gratefully received !

Stay cool ,
WD

Hello,

A marvellous little entry, and I'm pleased to finally understand what "Eggy Soldiers" are when they're referenced in British comedies. I think it's nice, and am sad I already had my breakfast before I read this.

I have a few little additional bits of trivia about eggs you might find interesting:
1. The most popular use for hard-boiled eggs I know is for Easter where people hard-boil a lot of eggs and then color them. Afterwards, you can eat the eggs in salad or make deviled eggs (a pretty yummy use for such eggs).
2. Big and little-endian are also terms common in computer science. Basically, every integer is represented by 4 bytes, but some machines put the least significant byte first, some put it last (eg, some may represent 4 as 00000100 ... 00000000, while others do it as 00000000 ... 00000100). This has been termed big vs. little endian. It's a bit complicated to include in the article, but I figured you might find it interesting.

Yours,
Jake

Yes, I recently wrote an entry on Hard Boiled Slang (detective fiction). If only I were able to link to this.

To remove the already peeled egg from the milk bottle after having used the match trick to get it in. You may get the egg out without having to wait all night to turn it to sludge (and who would want to waste a nice egg, anyway?)

First of all swirl a little water in the bottle to rinse out the match stick and ashes. Pick up the bottle, holding it so the mouth of the bottle is downwards and the egg is resting so that it blocks the opening. Put the mouth of the bottle in your mouth and blow strongly allowing the pressure to build up behind the egg. When you release your pressure the egg will pop out. Some skill is required not to have the egg fall from your lips, but it is an easy skill.

Incidentally, it helps, getting the egg into the bottle if you have first moistened the mouth of the bottle and the egg. Almost any size chicken egg can be made to go or out without problems. Ostrich eggs are an entirely different skill set, however.

Besides, they are better scrambled. Though I do believe my record for hard boiled egg sandwitches was 15 from one egg.



Barton

This where I came in - I'm fairly sure that the first thing I posted (in Nov 99) was an snwer to the query "How do I boil an egg?" but the only thing I have to add to this magnificent effort is that putting hard boiled eggs into cold water immediately they're done to your liking will stop the green ring round the yolk
I would never boil an egg for longer than 8 minutes as the saucepan will boil dry and trying to rescue the blackened pan and the blackened eggs therein ruins the lovely breakfast you are aiming at

Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments!

I'll see if I can actually fit in the computer ref. to big-endian/little-endian anywhere.....I think that it is good to put in - I had never heard of it being referred to as such . True trivia, good trivia

For the easter egg ref., I think I'll pop a link in to the entry on easter eggs, I'm sure that that has been addressed there...but I'll check.

There is already an entry on Hard-boiled eggs, so I'll link to that. On peeling the HB egg, there is a BBC reference on how to peel them without sacrificing the white...but I haven't tried it out with an actual egg, so I don't know if it works.

You're right about the 8 min job; but some peeps like a powdery yolk . I frown in dismay at them every time they ask for a 10 min egg.

Anyway, thank you for all the compliments and comments! Any more will be; as always, gratefully received!

Stay ,
WD

PS the egg trick will be done - but I'll probably be too to do it sucessfully. BTW, that must have been one large egg....15...

Hello,

Okay. Interesting. I suppose you could just mention the computer science connection (via Swift) in passing when you're talking about endianism. In case you're curious, it's all due to an essay by Danny Cohen called "On holy wars and a plea for peace" which appeared in the IEEE computer magazine back in 1981 (knew I kept these course notes for a reason). Actually, I was wrong in my example. The Big Endians do it like this 00100000 ... 00000000, while the Little Endians are like this 00000000 ... 00000100, so it's not just the byte ordering, but the "direction" of the bytes that's different among different chip designs. See, it's complicated to get into, I warned you.

Yours,
Jake

Argh! You're right, it is a bit complex. I might not actually put it in (me is medic, me no know computery stuff save typing and crashing), although I think IMO, it might be quite interesting as a stand-alone entry. Do you mind if I footnote it instead?

Any other comments, post this way and I'll be most grateful!

Stay ,
WD

Stuff you might want to add...

To prevent the edge of the yolk in hard-boiled eggs going grey it's best to put the eggs in cold running water for a minute or two once they're cooked.

If you store eggs in a fridge then they're likely to crack when you put them in boiling water. To avoid this it's best to pierce them (preferably in the big end where the gas is). You can do this with an egg-piercing gizmo or use a needle.

A member of my family who's famed for culinary incompetence has been known to cook eggs by leaving them under the hot water tap for half an hour.