h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Scurge. The clone of Jachap. Pure evil. No conscience in him. He is a cold killer. He is also cold. For the ice planet of Nognog is an extremely cold place. In this environment, not even the wampa snow creature would survive, never mind a jedi.
And yet, Scurge does. Contrary to popular belief Scurge feels pain. The thing is, he can ignore it.
He had set up the Portable Solar System Destroyer 2000 three hours ago, it would fire in sixty posts, tearing a rip in the space time continuim destroying the nearby Doof Solar System.
It would cause unprecedented destruction and death. Also, it would incinerate Jachap. The good version of Scurge. The actual history of the two is very confusing, but involves STUMPED, double crosses, a ship called the Hercules, and Crime Fighting 6.
With Jachap dead, Scurge might consider, just consider, smiling.
Also, he would be very satisfied with destruction of the Doof System. Home to some of the most peace loving, innocent souls ever.
The climate on most of the planets was nice. Scurge couldn't stand it. Give him the harsh biting winds of Nognog any day of the local week (which in human time, lasted 3456 years).
The power source of the Portable Solar System Destroyer (2000) was heating up now, about to charge the blast that would, indeed, blow up the whole solar system several lightyears away from the planet. Scurge wasn't stupid enough to blow up the solar system he was in.
The said power source was the size of a large multi-storey parking lot. It was housed in Scurge's ship, The Unadulterated Terror (T.U.T). The ship was about a half the size of the Enterprise. The power source, a reactor core, took up most of the space. After this job, Scurge doubted whetehr he would want to use it again. It made the ship bulky, too slow. Scurge wanted a ship that could speed into a battle, shoot missiles and fire lasers, then speed out again.
T.U.T was slightly too cumbersome.
But enough of Scurge's ship preferences.
A passing CFU6 patrol has scanned the plane, detected the very large power source and is homing in. On board, Hazmo and other CFU6 officers. About twenty I think, that's the average contingent of a CFU6 main patrol craft (this one is called The Euphrates).
They will land next to Scurge's ship in about 10.
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It lands and the door whirrs open.

Doubtless, Scurge has many defence systems set up and a number of Killer S-Type Droids patroling, perhaps even some Minotaur Terrorists around the place.
What will you do?
What is the next move to be?
You decide.

CONTINUITY: Scurge is in a large cave to the west of his ship. About a 100 yards away.
The CFu6 officers all have standard Ook Rifles, and Ook Pistols and Swiss Army Knife, they are dressed in heated suits, and have small jetpacks, capable of propelling them along and making them jump higher.
They are under the command of Hazmo. Whose a leutenant with a deathwish and quite a few customised weapons. CFU6 officers are encouraged to carry their own customised weapons, so that is up to you as well. Good luck, men. CONTINUITY ENDS.

Hazmo leaps out of ship, rolls, draws his gun and makes lots of vigourous hand actions which generally mean to go forward.
Rest of squad: "Yeah, right, whatever."
Killer Droids round corner, in the mechanized monotone of all droid extras everywhere* this one says: "Look out!"
Hazmo fires, twice.
Killer Droid blows into itty bitty pieces.
Hazmo arms his Very Very Dangerous Grenade and lobs it, over arm, amongst the squad of droids, who, firing eratically, couldn't hit a thing.
The V.V.D.G blows up. The following explosion causes a small avalanch and a few glaciers to slide three feet to the right.
Needless to say, droids are destroyed.
Hazmo: "Who de man? Who de man?"
Rest of squad: "You are, sir!"
Hazmo: "Damn right."
They continue forward.
Scurge watchs them on the monitors. He opens his com link, "Minotaur Squad 3, move to position 65557 and open fire on the CFU6 troopers you will see there."
Minotaur squad leader: "Yes, my lord."
Scurge smiles the smile of those who are unquestionably the leader, and watches the Solar System Destroyer 2000 charge up. Scurge puts on his hi-fi and listens to Eminem. He's that kind of guy.

*Think Star Wars Episode 1 droids.

One of the CFU6 extras steps on a Demi Mine.
Narrator: This mine immediately teleports the person who stepped on it to a parallel dimension they really, really want to be in, by using amazing new brain scanning technology. It is favoured to your conventional explosive mine, becuase there is less mess. The first versions of this mine were designed to send the victim into a dimension they really wouldn't like, but there were lots of complaints about this from the people in this dimension who suddenly found a load of complete strangers shouting abuse at them, comparing their home to hell and shooting their relatives. So now, victims are sent to a dimension they really want to be in because then they won't try to escape.This CFU6 extra ends up in a dimension where lots of beautiful women do very nice things to him and he can eat whatever he wants without gaining a pound. If all the other CFU6 troopers knew this was what would happen to them if they trod on a mine they would probably start jumping up and down, desperately trying to be blown up. Howver, they don't and so, they all lie flat and crawl along, agonizingly slowly. Apart from hazmo who starts jumping upa nd down, trying to blow himself up, not because he knows where he'll end up, but becuase he has a death wish. Narrator ends.
Minotuar soldiers stand at the top of hill and aim their guns. Is this the end?