h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I wrote this piece as a bit of observational humour, but also as a guide to anyone who really has been in that "hmmm - can I really afford to look sozzled right now?" frame of mind. I also think this article would be a great starting point for conversations, hopefully bringing up all kinds of other suggestions on how to deal with such potentially embarrassing situations!

Funny, and useful.

I could give you a suggestion that usually fails: Often, a drunk person, when questioned about their level of intoxication, will reply "I'm fine. I'm not drunk, see?" and then will stand rigid with a blank expression on his/her face. This rarely works for more than four seconds, at which point giggling begins.

Another one, DON'T pester the waitress. It is a well known fact that waitresses are only pestered by the highly intoxicated. If you leave her alone, you'll seem normal.

JyZude.

i've always found that loudly accusing all OTHER parties of drunkenness helps.

"i'm not drunk! YOU must be drunk."

(It often helps if one is not wearing the lampshade at this point.)

http://www.h2g2.com/A406504

To get this recommended, try whacking in a bit more GuideML structure. Try using the tag to create a bulleted list.

Also, it's always good to include a few instances, and the above comments could be included. Maybe even ask a few other researchers for their tricks. Just be sure to reference the researchers on the right hand side.

The only other thing I'd like to see (And I'd LIKE to recommend this) is some factual stuff. Try and dig up a historical instance. There's gotta be a pollie somewhere that's fooled people... almost. Even go for an Oliver Reed anecdote. Just to keep it a bit more than just a list, y'know?

I always find that keeping a low profile and not making an obviously p****d and noisy arse out of oneself is the best way to go. Trouble is, this path more often than not leads unavoidably to catatonia...

...And I don't mean the band, either.

One tactic which always works quite well for me is relativity.

Get everyone else around you more drunk than you are - and you will seem less drunk.

Oh, and avoid performing REM's Losing My Religion as beat poetry. Those who know me find thats an early indicator I'm getting scriffy.

I find the most important tactic is 'just say no'. When you are drunk, people will often suggest that you do things. At the time, these things seem sensible and funny. The following morning they do not. Kids, just say NO.

The other tactic is to be a good listener. Occasionally say things to encourage the person talking (who will be drunk), like "Hmmm" or "yeah, yeah" or "you're dead right" or "they're not laughing at you, they're laughing with you". The bonus of this approach is it works even if you're too drunk to understand what they're saying.

Is Mr. Pollard still around? I fear that a trip to the workshop for this entry is in order - lets hope someone there can ressurect it...

if you ask me (as somebody who volunteered to become a scout 2 minutes ago) ... agreed!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A535989

Ok - here's a quick rework of the entry into a better format, incorporating the comments here. Comments, suggestions welcome...

Hi there. For anyone who wondered, I'm back. Now I have to think of some more exciting things to blab om about. Love the cnages, by the way.

M

No - you take it back - I only took it up because I thought you had left for good...

I've added a touch of structure: splitting it into conversational tips and other tips. I think it's pretty complete now... what do y'all think?

Looking good. Using the right GuideML really does make it look better and easier to read. Looks ready to go through into the Edited Guide now.

Hi All,
Does anyone know where the author is? I was thinking about reccomending it but I think it should be in GuideML first.
Comments please?

Kenrick

Nowhere does it say that entries /must/ be in GuideML. Go have your pick!

From the sub-eds: GuideML takes about half an hour to put in, assuming the entry is structured well already...

From a Subed (dunno any more who): 'I rather insert GuideML tags from scratch than streamline some quirky first attempts' (quoted from memory)...

Kenrick - if you check out http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A535989
- you'll see my version of this entry, complete with editing + GuideML.

Thanks for the help. I've already found my 3 picks, but i might reccomend this one as an additional one.
This one deserves to go into the Guide,
Cheers,
Kenrick