h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Who doesn't enjoy a good evening out with friends, drinking some brew and listening to good music? I know I do. But what exactly is the point of these clubs? Is it to find a mate, fling or just waste the night away only to wake the next morning with either your head hurting or your check book not speaking to you. I can't count how many times I have sat in church the morning following a long night of partying praying not for forgiveness, but rather for divine aspirin.
It's one of these long nights that inspired me to write my first journal entry. Dance clubs and the phenomenon of the night life. Every dance club has some common elements. Loud music. . .expensive drinks. . .hot women that won't talk to you. . .and huge bouncers searching the club in vain for their neck; and summarily getting angry with everyone in club because they obviously know where it is. The evenings always start the same for guys. We enter the club talkin' what is popularly known as "smack" to their "boys" and searching the room for the hottest female whom they have no chance with what so ever. You see we do this not to set our sites high or put forth any effort to get "some," but instead to bracket their shot group. The group of guys will then circle the bar rubber necking the entire club and then buy themselves the first of entirely to many drinks for the evening.
Now groups of guys can further be sub classified into individuals. Lets say for the sake of argument that groups of guys travel in threes. That is to say that there are three individuals (for all of you that aren't keeping track). One man, or one of the "boys" will ultimately drink themselves into a stupor and either spend most of the evening paying homage to the porcelan god, or will summarily pass out, or. . .if things are looking up for the poor b*****d (and I am being sarcastic now)he will get the phone numbner of the homeliest female in the joint. The second of the "boys" will be entirely "to cool" for the place and will sit in a corner peering about the room obviously waiting for the "right" one to show up. . .which by the way invariably never happens. He will complain about his lack of "action" and call all the female women various names for no good reason. That leaves,for all of you that are keeping count, the third "boy" in said group. He will invariably disappear about an hour into the evening to allow the others to sulk and drink and dance himself silly. He is the fortunate one if the group. He will leave the place feeling good about himself and with a few of what is known as "digits." THis is the typical dance club group of guys. Any variations will be based upon this loose core of individuals. Now this is not to say that these three guys will always play the same role when they go out "clubbing" but a tendency wil always be there.
Now lets talk about the dancing portion of the dance club. An important by product to say the least. Everything you need to know about a person you can learn on the dance club. If they are uptight. . .if they are care free. . .and according to some women . . .how they are in "the sack." ANd if you want to break it down, at dance clubs people are reduced to their most primal. In the animal kingdom species go through vartions motions, dances if will, to attract a mate. How different is this from what happens at dance clubs? Let me answer this for the masses who might not be as quick. . .no different. THink about it. What happens on the dance floor? People of differing sexes pair up, and during the song of their choice do a pseudo-sexual act on the dance floor to what basically amounts to what retail stores refer to as "fitting." Couple get to check each others moves on the dance floor to see if they are worthy of a nocturnal activities. ANd it is in this manner that the "boys" spend their evening. Or spend their money.
Well, that's my insight into the club scene, a scene we know entirely to well. For all of you faithful travelers this is researcher Aaron saying keep it safe and keep it real and the godspeed.

Take heart AAAAAARon. I'm a lady who likes clubbing and I can tell you when i'm out with the girls we can be split into the same catorgories - maybe slightly more extreme versions.

One girl gets drunk enough to spend the evening propped up by some bloke in the lip-hold or sitting legs unflatteringly apart, dribbling.

Another mate will be bawling her eyes out about the git she spent the last months, weeks, days or hours humping - only for him to eventually realise she has the intellect and polite gentleness of a Babboon keeping hold of his hanging tyre.

Then there is the mother - the girly who conforts, carries and cleans the friends - and keeps checking whatever the girls have 1)taken 2)drunk or 3)danced with, won't result in anything ugly.

Finally the happy one - if the mates OD then she just keeps strutting her funky stuff. She smiles at everyone, will happily dance or kiss guys - but only for a couple of tunes before she flits away. This girl is so chirpy and glad she has money in her pocket and no work for a few days, She is so relaxed and glad that she has good health and kind friends that even if she doesn't pull - she still has a blast.

Of course all clubbing girls wake up in agony - Blisters, headaches, and pehaps a little chafeing!

Don't forget the overwhelming cigarette smoke stench that you hadn't noticed when you crawled into bed the night before!

Plus mascara everywhere, nightclub-muck covered shoes, sweat matted hair - a couple of yellowing brusies on your assets....Lovely Jubbily

Plus mascara everywhere, nightclub-muck covered shoes, sweat matted hair - a couple of yellowing brusies on your assets....Lovely Jubbily

Ooo! Forgot the shoes ...

Let us not forget the post club food fests where everyone who has had far to much to drink search, in vain I might add, to find that one food that will "soak" up the alcohol.
But my favorite part is, especially after a pretty rough night, the filling in of events to those who can't rememeber. Taht is where the fun is.

Let us not forget the post club food fests where everyone who has had far to much to drink search, in vain I might add, to find that one food that will "soak" up the alcohol.
But my favorite part is, especially after a pretty rough night, the filling in of events to those who can't rememeber. Taht is where the fun is.

Hit the diner!

I have a friend who spent the better part of the 80s out of her skull, and I have such fun telling her what she missed ... and sometimes throwing in something that didn't really happen, just to mess with her mind!

the best way to make money is to inform inebriated friends of their misdoings. Flase of course

the best way to make money is to inform inebriated friends of their misdoings. Flase of course