Once again we are beholden to the current executors of the Knolly estate for letting us publish this, the second package of the great man's journals and memoirs.

Pandemonium reigned supreme as together we tried to make sense of the notes that Bertie had taken earlier. The bell rang and we stopped and looked at each other.

"The Express!" we said as one – the trussed fellow on the floor moaned in agreement. I pointed at the the lever in front of me.

"So this is the right one then ...... isn't it?" I asked.

Bertie consulted his notebook once more and replied with a confident "Yes!"

"Right ho then...Ah!"

"Come on Knolly, stop messing," said Bertie nervously.

I strained and tugged at the wretched thing. "I hate to tell you this .....but .... it ..... seems ......to ..... be ...... stuck."

"What!!"

The bell continued its tinny clamour as I turned to peer out of the window in the direction of Euston station. A single light was making its way towards us at some considerable speed.

"I can see it! Come on Bertie, lend a hand ...One, two...heave!"

There was a satisfying clunk-click as the lever moved, and somewhere in the distance the signal arm moved into its "down" position.

"That," I said as I mopped my brow, "was rather exiting. Now, Bertie - you are sure this is the right lever?" I asked once again.

"Erm ... yes," replied Bertie in a manner that I didn't much care for.

I looked out at the approaching train which didn't seem to be slowing down yet.

"Well, to make sure, let us move all the others in this bank of five into the stop position, shall we?"

Bertie gawped and the bell stopped.

"Belt-and-braces approach, all right?" I interjected into the silence.

Bertie pulled a face and muttered something to the effect of "It is the bloody right one, you know."

And so, as quick as we could, we repositioned the adjacent levers.

"I do hope that this doesn't cause any accidents," said Bertie once we had finished.

"Nonsense! There can't be many other trains running at this hour. Besides, it won't be for long. We'll get one of Meeds' chaps to tidy up once we are on our way."

Leaving the signal box as tidy as possible (notwithstanding the trussed-up body) we scampered back down the staircase in time to see the Express begin to apply its brakes.

Bertie looked at me with an "I-told-you-so" face.

Not even bothering to rise to the bait, I pushed him in the direction of the engine.

"Right, Bertie. You cut along to see the driver, whilst I discuss with the guard. Got your papers to hand?"

He checked his pockets, pulled them out.

"Good, off you go then. Oh ... and Bertie .... don't scare the chaps on the footplate. It's a long way to Scotland and we need them for the whole journey."

Bertie nodded and was off and away towards the front of the train – which, despite slowing down, was now some distance from us. However, this did mean that the guard's van was getting closer to where I was standing. As the carriages continued past me, I looked up at the lit windows where concerned passengers were jostling for position, each trying to see what had caused them to slow down so soon out of Euston. I hoped to catch a glimpse of my darling Elspeth, but alas, there was no sign. She alone would not be perturbed by the sudden change of speed, and I hoped that she would be able to keep Charlotte under control. This I soon put out of my mind as the guard's van came to a halt but a few steps from my current position.

The guard saw my approach and all but leapt upon me.

"What's going on?" he yelled in my face. "Is this your doing? Eh, eh?"

I stood my ground, saying nothing, letting him carry on venting his spleen for a while whilst I extracted the paperwork, produced that very afternoon, from my inside pocket.

"WELL?" he said, eyes bulging and forehead veins about to pop beneath his cap.

I cleared my throat and spoke calmly.

"I am a representative of His Majesty's Government. If you would care to read this," I handed him the sheets, " you will see that it was indeed due to our explicit orders that this express was stopped, for the sole purpose of connecting some additional rolling stock which needs to be in Scotland by tomorrow."

The guard moved back towards his van to make use of the light from within. He scanned the papers, then looked at me and then looked down the line searching for the additional carriages.

"This is all highly irregular, Mr..?"

"My name is of no importance. However, what is important is that time is short. My carriages are on their way and you have a timetable to keep to."

He looked at the paperwork once more and shook his head.

"But ... military prisoners?" said the guard. "And it says here that two have escaped and are posing as ladies on board with the passengers?"

He looked behind the van once more and quite jumped out of his skin in alarm, for there was "The Train".

"Where the devil did that come from?" he asked in bewilderment. "I never heard that approach?"

"No, you are not supposed to. Please be aware that the prisoners on board are well guarded. It just remains for us to gather up the other two," I said as I took back the paperwork before he could jump to any conclusions or think about asking to look around.

"I am sure that you have no issues? My colleague is at this very moment appraising your driver of the situation, so I suggest that you and I work our way down the train and reassuring the passengers as we proceed, eh?"

"What should I say to them?" He asked, clearly out of his depth in the current situation.

I took him by the elbow and walked him to the nearest Express carriage.

"We shall tell them that there has been a slight accident on the bridge up ahead, that they are not to be alarmed and that we will be moving along momentarily."

"But what of the extra carriages ...and the people you need to apprehend?"

"Don't you worry about them, I'll make a note of where they are sitting and once we are on our way, my colleague and I will apprehend them and escort them to the rear of the train. Utmost discretion guaranteed."

Remarkably, this seemed to mollify the guard and so we entered the carriage.

Our timely appearance made the passengers both seated and standing all turn their heads in our direction and then they seemed to speak with one voice; what a noise it was. The guard being the person of authority in their eyes was quickly surrounded, for to all intents an purposes I looked like any other passenger. I jostled may way past the concerned mass and made my way forward in search of Elspeth and Charlotte. The voices of concerned passengers faded behind me as I entered the next carriage nodding and smiling as I went and pointing out that the guard was behind me should they wish to enquire about our current situation. Into yet another carriage I found them sitting quietly engrossed in a game of cards seemingly without a care about the stopped train and woes of the other passengers.

They paid me no attention as I approached which I thought odd as I was sure Charlie would have heard my approach. I put my hand on the headrest and coughed politely "Good evening my dear." Elspeth looked up and smiled.

"Your doing I assume?" she enquired.

"Well mine and Berties'. You'll be glad to know that there was no jumping on or off any moving vehicle this time."

Elspeth looked very surprised at this. Charlotte still had not acknowledged my presence, and so I bent down to face her; she grinned under her hat and put a lace-gloved finger to her lips.

"She's pretending to be a deaf mute ...if you remember?...And taking it very seriously, too, I might add." pointed out my wife.

"Elspeth, that's astounding, you certainly have a way with her. How has she been ...Oh we'll discuss that later, but I need to tell you about our current situation before the guard reaches here and the other passengers start filtering back."

So it was I quickly brought Elspeth up to speed on our current predicament. Far from being astounded by my careful planning and strategising, she seemed rather cross.

"Let me get this straight in my mind then, Knolly, as far as the guard and the driver are concerned you are escorting prisoners..."

"Military prisoners" I interjected.

She gave me a look and continued "And Charlotte and I are male prisoners disguised as women who you are going to apprehend once the train is on its way once more and then escort us both back to "The Train."

"Yes, it's a good ruse don't you think?"

She pursed her lips and her eyebrows arched. "Do you not think that we look rather too feminine to pass off as men?"

I was about to point out about the men being in the military but then stopped myself, this was one of those questions I dreaded; there was no safe answer. Luckily the door linking the carriage opened and the guard and passengers began to stream back in. I nodded to Elspeth and made my way towards the crowd, but not before Elspeth blinked a flurry of words that a lady should not know, what is more, she spelt them correctly.

The guard intercepted my as I went past, "Did you find them?"

"What! Oh, oh yes. They are back there."

He looked beyond me, "Those two, Goodness gracious I'd never have suspected them, although the younger one of them seems to be deaf and dumb and rather odd, but that would fit the bill wouldn't it?"

I nodded, "Well don't draw any attention to them, you carry on about your business and I'll let you know when we are going to move in on them."

I made my way back to the guard's van and then opened the adjoining door and stepped inside "Clarabelle". Then I opened the carriage door and jumped down to the ground. The Ghost Train was in the process of being uncoupled as I approached. Meeds stepped out from between the engine and the flatbed.

"We are done here Commander, just need to tidy up the points' settings and we'll be off."

"Right, excellent, and Meeds, thank you for your assistance."

"Don't thank me, you thank Mr Hobbes sir, oh and you look after my girls!"

"I will, we will. Oh and by the by, you'll need to send someone up to the signal box to tidy things up at bit and reset the signals."

"Hmm... yes we noticed that a lot of lines were "down".

I shrugged and saluted "Until next time then, Chief."

Meeds saluted back and headed off towards the signal box, calling to one of his mean as he did so.

I heard someone running along the stones towards me, Bertie.

"All set Knolly, did you see Elspeth?"

"Indeed, she and Charlotte are all set, and as soon as Meeds resets the signal we are off. How was the driver?"

"Well they did try to hit me with the fireman's shovel at one point, but we soon came to an understanding."

"Bertie!"

"Knolly they didn't run off, and the paperwork did its trick. How was Elspeth and the part she has to play?"

"Umm, well...yes she took it very well indeed, considering."

"She didn't hit you then?"

"Of course not...well not yet."

The whistle on the engine blew and I saw the guard hurrying back towards us and his van.

"Come on Knolly, adventure awaits"

I scrambled up inside 'Annie', and then helped Bertie aboard.

"I trust by adventure you mean in Scotland and not that which Elspeth will no doubt be dispensing later?"

Bertie grinned, the train lurched, and we were off.

The Great Knolly Archive

The Shepherd and
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25.06.09 Front Page

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