h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

To do this, you will first need some props.
a) sheep
b) car (preferably with ample back seat space)
c) some plastic sheeting
d) dark glasses (two pairs)
e) A jacket with high collars
f) A Scarf (preferably made of a woollen tartan, like old people wear)
g) A pipe

1. Cover back seats of car in plastic sheeting. This will prevent any exited animal excretions staining your seats.

2. Disguise sheep to make it look like a beardy old man. Put the jacket on it, with the collars up. Tie the scarf around it's neck. Try to make id hold the pipe in it's mouth. Put on it's seatbelt (for safety).

3. Repeat if desired (or if your car can take it).

4. Get in car, put on sunglasses.

5. Drive your vehicle over London Bridge.

WARNING!!!!!!!!!
This is obviously a guide of how to drive sheep over London Bridge, which was sold to an American, and moved to his homeland.

DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS IN THE "REPLACEMENT" LONDON BRIDGE IN LONDON!!!

This would be doubly illegal if you tried this in London.

a) There is an old Bye Law which prevents anyone (apart from a keeper of the city, who incidentally, my mate Dave is, so it would be alright for him (if not for point b)) driving sheep or geese across a London bridge.

b) Also, and much less comedically, there is a ban on moving livestock in England at the moment due to the foot and mouth crisis.


Have fun.

wide

isn't "driving" there, referring to driving them with sheepdogs and suchlike?

Ok - my turn - gimme a moment to think...

Yes, it is, but I'm going by the letter of the law rather than what it actually means. Much more fun to be had.

wide

Ok: another wildlife one...

1) buy a swan.
2) go to a the "Mathematical Bridge".
3) throw the swan onto the water.
4) keep it there {NB: this stage may be tricky, considering it'll probably get winded by the fall and drown}

Note: if you are the queen, then you willl have to abdicate, as the queen is allowed to do this. Various members of Cambridge uni - in certain exalted positions - will have similar problems.

Note 2: this is illegal, but - more importantly - it is extremely painful for the swan concerned - if you want to keep swans, keep them somewhere else!

And even then, it won't be your swan, as all swans in th UK belong to the queen. This also goes for turbot.

wide

Tenuous water connection (and I've only heard this is true so it may be incorrect)

Murder is illegal in the UK so...

a. Get a Sctotsman and suggest a holiday across the water in the Isle of Man
b. Purloin a gun from somewhere
c. When in the isle of man, shoot him
d. Go back home

Apparently in the Isle of Man you're supposed to shoot a Scotsman on sight

I think that you're only allowed to use a crossbow though.

Fair enough. Actually that makes it easier as owning a crossbow is probably legal in the UK wheras, a gun....

Adjust the rules accordingly

Apparently the SAS use crossbows to kill people - they're pretty small and portable with modern materials...

Ok, going with the geography theme...
1) be male
2) be born in Germany
3) be named "Lucinda"

I'm told that in Germany it is not allowed for a man to have a female or gender-ambiguous name... apparently it causes the beaurocrats too many problems...

What about Andy, or Chris? Or Alex, Sam, Bobbby or Gertrude (Ok, not Gertrude)? None of them?

wide

Apparently so: twas a thread in http://www.h2g2.com/Askh2g2 somewhere that I got that titbit off...

Of course, you can't trust anything you read in the guide...