h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We ought to be fearless and plucky
If this is how crumbles the cookie.
Why bother to rage
Against galloping age?
That's just what you get if you're lucky.

Time I'm not taking to task, for
I know age supplies what I ask for.
In youth I skipped lunches
Because of my hunches
I'd finance the beach that I bask for.

The President tweets for his friends.
Some others his bluntness offends.
They all know what to say
When he tweets "covfefe":
It means "This is the way the world ends."

If Donald should tweet something odd
Must we fashion it into a rod
We can beat him with? No.
We should just let it go
Because--D'oh!--even Homer can nod.

Let's weep for the climate accord.
Those who read it will mostly get bored.
If results become bumpy,
We all can blame Trumpy,
While Nature goes out of her gourd.

Mr Trump is the oddest of blokes--
He says climate change is a hoax.
If he opened his eyes
He might get a surprise:
It's causing the death of some folks.

http://www.irishtimes.com/opinion/letters/human-toll-of-climate-change-1.3110864

If you listen to Comey, Trump lies.
Well, that doesn't seem to surprise.
It seems like a joke
To have such a bloke
In power without a disguise.

The plastic they make into bags
Can be shredded and rolled up as fags.
With lethal dioxin
Providing the toxin
You'll die from a couple of drags.

I think that I just heard some thunder.
'Twill rain cats and dogs, shouldn't wonder.
I hope to stay dry
If my movements are spry.
My picnic plans, they were a blunder.

A beautiful day lies ahead
The grey in the sky has now fled
The birds cheerily sing
What this new day will bring
But I just want to go back to bed

The summer begins to wind down.
The flowers are ragged and brown.
The fruit on the trees
Seem to bob in the breeze.
With fresh corn I can't seem to frown.

For Hurricane Jose I wait.
The risk of flash flooding is great,
The thunderstorm's near,
But I don't have much fear.
The forecasters' record's not great.

Some limericks about the X-Men:



The Xmen are now at my home.
I'm serving them lunch with aplomb.
They're easy to please.
They eat all their peas.
They clapped when I read them this poem.

Wolverine answers to Logan.
"I'm sharp when I'm mad" is his slogan.
A ninja he's not,
Though sometimes he's thought
To be a great deal like a shogun.

I'm knitting this quilt for my niece.
I hope it will give us some peace.
It has Ken and Barbie,
And Paddington's derby,
And maybe some nice golden fleece.




Rincewind, Magneto and I
Were baking a great hobbit pie.
Aslan was there,
In Fillory, where
Great fantasies all go to die.


I don't have invisible friends.
I hope it's not one of those trends.
No voice in my head
To tell me "You're dead
Unless you make proper amends."

I'm dreading this Brexit thought May
As she went over to Brussels today
To Junker she said
"I'd rather be dead"
Than give that Rees-Mogg his own way!

My mind oft is plagued by confusion,
And maybe -- just maybe -- delusion.
I think that a duck
Is driving a truck
Through Starbucks. He'll get a contusion!

I write silly rhymes when I'm bored.
My pen is as strong as a sword.
My neighbors I tease
On my flying trapeze,
And then watch the matador get gored.

I'm happy to sing in the rain.
No raindrops can make me complain.
Without an umbrella
I'm one happy fella,
Except when I get a chilblain.

The weather is starting to spit,
With hailstones and sleet -- quite a bit!
I sit in my hovel,
With gloves but no shovel,
And wait for a warm trend to hit.

I said to the bittern called Ben,
"I always know when to say when.
This enchanted beer
I never shall fear,
For Once it's been drunk, that's it then."

I never catch colds. They catch me,
Unless I outrun them, you see.
My pace gets much quicker
So I won't be sicker,
And that's why the cold lets me be

The Brits can be clever and charming,
Which makes it both sad and alarming
To see them in thrall
To a dead-end, brick-wall,
Ship-of-fools party bent on self-harming.

From a distance: is Brexit a hoax,
Just something to scare lots of folks?
Things may look quite frantic,
Across the Atlantic,
What sort of reaction to coax?

There once was a virus from Wuhan
It got passed from animal to man
Then it spread 'round the globe
that scary microbe
And shut down all of Britain!

This microbe is really a pest.
It simply will not let us rest.
We go 'round in masks
While performing our tasks,
And acting as if we're obsessed.

The masks we all should wear
Are not for ourselves, I declare
They are to protect those
Whose immunity shows
to be exposed they do not dare