h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A telephone is a gadget that a woman speaks into for two hours and says nothing.

.....that she wants you to hear

I think Craig Raine's definition of the 'haunted apparatus' is the best, but mine is...
On Mondays, a device that enables you to state you are ill.
On Fridays to work out where you are going to get ill in the first place.

...and yet, she could solve the problems of the world via the telephone.....if the men would only listen!

...forget the Worlds problems, tell me how you put that smiley in there, can you put other stuff as well?

In a "blonde moment" I smiled and as if my magic.....it was there!

don't knock us blondes!
OK!
I might just fall over

Blondes are the brightest of all the shades!
We have style and grace...and wonderful "blonde moments"! OK?