h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Crumpet", along with "Totty", "Birds", and many others are part of the earth male's vocabulary for describing women. Visitors will find it curious that although males consider these words descriptive, females may consider them offensive or derogatory. This is further evidence that Men and Women are from completely different planes of existence.

Scientists are actively researching a unifying theory of men and women, and surely whoever manages this first will have something every person on the planet wishes to buy.

Amazing that the specific epithet "broad" was omitted from the list. This refers to the widening of the pelvis in the female to facilitate natural childbirth.
It is this very characteristic that demonstrates that male and female ARE on the same plane. In my humble experience females are obsessed by their own buttocks (hence the question "Does my bum look big in this?" and I can tell from my own observations of males that they too are obsessed with the aforesaid buttocks.

So there you have it men and women do have something in common,

I guess having read the article, females are referred to crumpet for their ability to make a big gooey mess of your groin. The moral to this story is always to avoid crumpet at all times (that's my excuse anyway). Oh yes, and recently I've found that females are uncannily offended by the entirely innocent term "buxom wench". Can anyone shed any light on why?

I don't know why either. All I can tell you is that someone on 'NetMeeting' had the message "Women only please" against his name. I E-Mailed to tell him that, in my experience, women can infuriate as well. He never replied. Can't think why!

I'm almost willing to bet that many of those expressions came down from the 1960's pop culture and were prominent in a male-dominated society. While there are probably as many words that women use in describing men (with the same connotations), they aren't nearly as well known, partly because many men have trouble viewing themselves as sex-objects.

There's a kind of assumption that many men make which assumes that because they fancy a particular woman that that woman will automatically fancy them back - that's the fantasy that too many buy into.

There's a new expression going around: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth: deal with it.
What men haven't experienced, and which is probably at the root of this whole problem, is the several-hundred years of being told, and sometimes beaten, into a specific role by the opposite sex. While many males are fairly "liberated" now and the treatment of women, in most cases, has changed dramatically, the old expressions cling on even as the culture that spawned them is being lost in the mists of time.

How's that for spontaneous analysis?

Fruitbat