h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Sea's factory is currently producing mass quantities of illegal weapons to sell all over h2g2. it also produces a fair amount of black leather combat boots to suit sea's large shoe fetish*

*sea opens the door to the factory and shows NYC in*

[sea] feel free to try out whatever you like. there is a shooting range over there, *points* and the workers are expendable as well.

ooh... *NYC grins. the factory workers stop their toiling and start worrying. NYC goes to the nearest assembly line and picks up a rather large looking heavy machine gun. he then points it to the nearest worker and pulls the trigger*

*click*

[worker] umm... ah... ahh.. I.. I think it n..needs ammunition, s..sir...

[NYC] oh crap, I forgot. don't move until I get back.

*NYC heads through the factory in search of ammunition; the worker immediately hides under a desk*

*sea drags the frightened worker into her office to give him a promotion and raise for being so incredibly polite while staring into his own immenent death. then she comes out of the office*

[sea] don't kill that one, NYC, i have plans for him. i've been needing a personal assistant.

*sea casts a disapproving eye over the other workers*

[sea] do what you will with the rest. just don't get too much blood on the merchandise. i'll have to pay them overtime to clean it off.

umm... what other ones?

*the entire factory is oddly silent*

*sea gets an angry look on her face as she stares at the empty factory*

[sea] perhaps you should use the shooting range for now... FOR EVERY SECOND YOU AREN'T WORKING, YOU'LL STAY AN HOUR OVERTIME!!!!!

*the workers slowly return, casting wary looks in NYC's direction, and not daring to look at sea*

[sea] where is smith?

*smith appears- he's the original worker- and sea whispers in his ear. smith nods and exits the factory*

~The Masque, in a buisness suit, enters, looks around, walks over to an assemly line, picks up a pistol, loads it, presses it to the temple of a worker, and pulls the trigger~



The hand is quicker than the eye. I removed the bullets from that clip before I "loaded" it.

sea, I approve of this establishment. You will, of course, be needing a distributor. I've got Hangar 41, and I'm always willing to sell weapons that, while technically illegal, do have a paper trail behind them to make me look more legit. I can't go having my fleet of space pirates raiding every weapons ship that passes through the sector anymore. People are begining to suspect.

(Am I even here yet?)

[sea] you may be wherever you like, all members of STUMPED are welcome in my home. and yes, i would greatly appreciate the use of hangar 41 as a distributor. if you talk to my assistant mr. smith, i'm sure he will be happy to set you up with anything you like.

[smith] mistress... i wasn't trained for this! i don't know how to deal with infamous supervillains!

[sea] *sighs and looks at red* it is so hard to find good help these days... very well. i shall handle it. go... do something, smith. make yourself useful.

*smith slinks off into the factory*

*loud violent noises can be heard in the factory, including (but not limited to) rampant gunfire with intermittent screaming. it appears NYC has started a turf war with some of the assembly-line workers and they have taken up arms*

ratatatatatatatatat...

blamblamblamblamblamblam...

[worker] I tell you they both cost 100 bucks!

pokpokpok BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM...

[NYC] and I tell YOU they aren't worth 50!

*more gunfire ensues, with the occasional shoe being thrown between the dug-in fighters*

[sea] *shocked* NOT THE SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, sea, if you need Smith to be trained, I can get him into a correspondance course for a legal degree. After three posts he'll be a liscenced lawyer and therefore twisted enough to deal with someone like me.

*sea considers*

[sea] maybe i'll just have him tortured for a while. then he'll be insane enough to try...

*smith, upon hearing the last comment, cowers in fear. he then decides to go find NYC and get himself killed*

*a few moments later, a gun is shot and a scream is heard. sea sighs*

[sea] well, there goes THAT idea...

*sea shrugs and smiles at red*

*Lafinass overlooks the weapons....*

[lafinass] ah, the old ways were fun weren't they?? *Picks up an MP-5 and a personal grenade launchers and runs into the back to join in the chaos.*

*A sudden series of explosions shake the factory.*

[NYC] What the hell are you doing????

[lafinass] ME??? nothing..... i didn't see the ammo sitting there, honest.....

*sea smiles*

[sea] how i love the sound of explosions in the morning...

*Lafinass comes back with soot and burn marks over his body.*

[lafinass] how refreshing...

you people are very strange, indeed...

*NYC continues battling the factory workers*

*Seeing a definate disadvantage lafinass decides to help the workers.*

[lafinass] have at you, friend!!!

*Lobs a shrapnel grenade behind NYC's baracade.*

*BOOM* GAH!

*a shoe flies over to lafinass from NYC's barricade and hit him in the head. Laf seems confused by this, until he notices the shoe is filled with half a dozen more shrapnel grenades*

*NYC wails in pain, Laf panics*

*Lafinass hands the shoe to a worker and ducks for cover.*

{{{{{{{{{{{{{BOOOM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

*Lafinass stops to clean worker off of his robe and then opens fire on NYC's position with a portable mortar.*