The world of alternative theology has been rocked to its foundations by the revelation that h2g2 isn't the only place where people literally worship items of food. Previously, the congregation at h2g2's 'Church Of The True Brownie' had firmly believed that their form of food-related faith was unique. But on December 11, millions of BBC viewers were stunned by the sight of worshippers prostrating themselves before a root vegetable.
Indeed, the BBC actually interrupted normal programming to bring
viewers coverage of this extraordinary event, known as 'The Blessing Of The Swede'.
The ceremony took place in a field in Hereford. A football field, to be precise... namely Edgar Street, home of Hereford United. Normally, Hereford compete in the semi-professional Nationwide Conference league; but this was a special occasion... the third round of the FA Cup. They'd been drawn at home to Premiership club Leicester City, and soccer pundits had given Hereford little chance. They had reckoned without the power of 'The Swede', however!
The ceremonial vegetable, painted in Hereford's black-and-white
colours, was placed on the centre spot of the pitch to begin the
ceremony. About a dozen worshippers then arranged themselves around
the edge of the centre circle, sank to their knees and prostrated themselves in homage to the swede.
The worshippers lined up along the half-way line and 'kicked off',
passing the swede between themselves and advancing down the pitch.
It was at this point that the BBC interrupted its regular sports
magazine show 'Grandstand' to bring the scenes live to the nation... and so millions of viewers saw the ceremony end with a worshipper slamming the swede into one of the goals.
The more conventional action that followed shortly afterwards
suggested that the swede sorcery worked well. Hereford pulled off a
remarkable result, holding their illustrious opponents to a goalless
Marv the Grate, 'Archbishop' of the 'Church of the True Brownie',
remained calm when told of this apparent challenge to his Church. He
said last week:
'Football is a great sport. We can overlook this obviously poor etiquette this once.'
However, this may well not be the end of the matter. The drawn game at Hereford means that the teams will meet again in Leicester on
December 22... and the Hereford swede-worshippers' plans for that
occasion are at present a closely-guarded secret.