h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So, was it good for you? Most likely not. In fact, the first time for many teenagers can be so horrific that some may just call the whole thing off (take that as you want it; the current relationship, sex in general, sex with that gender...). All in all, I think that the one thing that most teenagers fail to do is to think ahead at the consequences. Sure, it may just be something that they'll remember fondly, and it may tie a relationship tighter, but chances are it could leave one/both of the participants wanting emotionally, as well as physically, and will most likely result in the end of the current relationship. The first time should, ideally, be discussed over and should happen with someone that you feel is capable of fulfilling you both physically and emotionally.

Of course, that is my humble opinion. And I did say ideally... I'd still like to hear about others' experiences. Perhaps a "what was your first time like?"

The first time was awkward for me as well. It wasn't until the third or fourth time that I really became comfortable enough to fully enjoy myself. I really don't think this has much to do with how old you are when you lose your virginity, though. You can help yourself and your partner by being familiar with your own body, and to an extent by learning a little bit about sex.

As for learning about sex, I recommend self-help books written by doctors and sex researchers. You should at least be familiar with the names and locations of various erogenous bits. I don't recommend pornography, as this is almost entirely made by men for men. As a result, you can actually get a lot of misinformation from porno tapes and magazines that might make you perform worse in bed. Remember -- porno is about what men *wish* women were like. It's not about what women are *really* like.

I'M SHOCKED!!!!!
are the most adults really so stupid or just too ignorant to accept that sex is one of the most wonderful experiences you can have? Is there anything better than sex??? so what's so bad about sex for fun?
i'm not saying that everybody should start having sex with as many people as and at the youngest age possible, but if teens decide to have sex before marrige or before the age of 16, and even with more than 1 or 2 volunteers of the opossite sex, WHAT'S SO BAD ABOUT IT IN GENERAL??? everything bad that happens and developes from this is cause by a nearly not existing education!!! so grown ups should stop talking and discussing things that they can hardly stop or change and start helping to prepare the teens for life!
if somebody got different opinion, like waiting till marrige or a special age, it's not problem for anyone else, but they should stop bothering others!

keep on having fun!!!

i think the quote "is there anything better than sex?" is just about the scariest thing i've ever read...doesn't something like spending your life and giving yourself to another person, not just physically but mentally as well mean anything to you?

What you describe meowsers is love which is something apart from sex.

Sex between mature adults can enhance an already loving relationship but as long as both parties are consentual, it may also be enjoyed without emotional attachment and just for fun.

but you see that's just it....sex should always have emotional attachment. if there isn't one you're just abusing it. that's what's wrong with today's society.....sex has become all material, when that is only half the story.

But it is really our place to tell other people under what circumstances they are allowed to enjoy sex, and under which circumstances they should stop 'abusing it'? Part of what is good about humanity is our ability to be different from one another.

Personally, I am unable to enjoy sex without any emotional attachment. It just isn't any fun for me. But for other people, emotional attachment is far less important. It may be a sort of bonus reward, or it may not even be that. Some people find emotional attachment to be an actual turn-off. Perhaps they just aren't ready for commitment yet, and things will change for them over time. Far be it from me to tell them they are therefore not allowed to enjoy sex -- while I meanwhile go off for a very satisfying evening with my mate.

Look, sex is part of what defines who we are. Our attractions, inclinations, fantasies, and behavior are all very personal matters. We need to discuss sex to some extent, because we have a mutual interest in keeping sexually transmitted diseases and unintended pregnancies down as much as possible. But I don't see why such a discussion must include moral posturing as well.

It may make you better to say things beginning with 'that's what's wrong with today's society,' but I'm not convinced that anybody will listen. Rather, I think teens *in particular* are likely to rail against any adult pressure that tries to force them into an identity that doesn't suit them. The more you tell them what they are not supposed to enjoy, the more they will laugh at you while enjoying it.

Morality always seems to rear it's head whenever sex is mentioned. Not that this is a bad thing but they really are two separate issues.

Wasn't the original question something like "What was your first time like" ?
My first time was so horrific that he joined a seminary (I'm not making this up) and I didn't even contemplate trying it again for a good six months. I think the awfulness was because both of us were swept up by pent-up hormones and a general lack of knowledge. And yes, the moral issue was a huge weight on both of us. Breathing space, education, and a more open mind made the next time more pleasant for everyone.

I think sex by itself is a rather complicated stew to jump into, no matter how mature you are. A discussion of morality can seriously complicate things. Of course having your first partner decide a life of the cloth is better than sex with you can be complicated as well.

i think that morality is what makes the "complicated stew" so complicated. i don't understand how you can look at sex without morals. plus, i think that you illustrated my point when you said that "the moral issue was a huge weight on both of us" when you had sex your first time.

were you trying to say that looking at sex from a moral standpoint made both of you feel bad when you did it? i'd say that that would be a good thing....it's called a conscience.

It's true that you can't contemplate having sex without your morals getting involved. My point is that every person's morals are different, and there are legitimate reasons for those differences. Therefore, trying to apply force *someone else* to accept and use *your* morals isn't necessarily the right thing to do.

I do believe it is possible for moral concerns to take the fun out of sex even when it shouldn't. Performance anxiety can be caused by an unhealthy sense of "morals." For instance, some young girls are taught that touching or viewing their bodies is repugnant, and so they feel anxious and unhappy about being naked during the sex act.

For another example, some homosexual people have been taught be their local religious authorities that sex leads to damnation in hell. They're really in a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' situation. If they try heterosexual sex, they will of course not enjoy it because that's just the way their brain is wired. If they go with homosexual sex, they might worry about the religious implications of their actions to the point where they may not enjoy themselves.

I think people trying to impose their sense of morals on other people when it comes to sex is the root of a lot of sexual dysfunction and general unhappiness. That's why I think it is a bad idea.

Well said, Fragilis the Melodical.

In answer to the first, original question, my first time was very disappointing and the Earth didn't move. My then partner and I had both been dating and waiting a long time for "the event" but split up shortly afterwards, possibly due to mutual disappointment.

With regard to "sex and morals". I am happily married with two children and in my early 40's. I have also never been unfaithful to my husband. However, my view is that humans are nothing but mammals and sex is a purely biological, hormone driven function which religions and those that like to place morals upon society have added their dogma to.

Sex can be enjoyed and also work to enhance a stable relationship, which is all well and good. However, because someone prefers the physical act without any moral commitment and they enjoy it as much as someone alleged to have "morals" would enjoy a delicious ice cream, why should they be bound by another's morals?

By the way, my mother always told me not to let my husband see me completely naked in bed as this would help to keep him interested, so even now whilst we're making love...I always wear a hat!

I hope you have a good variety of interesting hats, then. You wouldn't want your sex life to get into a rut.

But naturally! The latest one is a brown paper bag that covers my whole head so he can't see my face! LOL!