A Voyage of Uneventuality
From the Realms of Middle and Two Thirds Earth
Septimus Plunckbucket woke one morning, about one hour before he went to sleep, and thought to himself (he had to, because he didn't know how to thought to someone else) that he would walk around the world. So after getting out of bed and having had seven little breakfasts—he couldn't eat a big breakfast—he set off. Unfortunately, he didn't get far with him being set, so he had to wait while the next day.
The next day came, but Septimus missed it, making him have to study on the next move, which three days later he worked out that he'd make his move in the afternoon, knowing his eyes will be open and he would be fully awake, plus the afternoon wouldn't catch him out. But he was puzzled to why he was playing cricket.
Standing out in the garden he looked all around, marvelling at what his eyes could do while his head was staying still, he pondered on which way to go, as in North to South, or East to West and, which way was which anyway. Then he had a brainwave! Now those didn't happen to him all that often, so that delayed his start by another two days to get over it. He would get a compass! At this he locked his front door (in the garden shed, so it wouldn’t get stolen) and headed towards the village shop. After a few miles he turned round, the village was in the other direction and as he'd done the same trick last week, that threw him off track.
Now he had a compass and, after asking directions to his home, it was too dark to carry on and he slept in the local stables on some hay for the night. The next morning he again asked for directions, just to make sure the other directions were correct. Off he went merrily along until he reached home, another hard part came now! Why was he at home? The compass gave him a clue and four days later—Ah, the spark of Eureka! The walk around the world!
He knew that he would get hungry, so he would pack some sandwiches and a bottle of spring water. He went and got the front door from the garden shed. Only glad it had not been stolen, fixed the door back on its hinges and unlocked it or he couldn’t get in to the house. On entering his house it was time for tea, I’ll make the sandwiches tomorrow he said to himself...
Right, backpack check list time, he said, reading the notes he had made last week (plus another three days making it out), spring water in bottle—check! Sandwiches—check! Compass—check! Map of world—check! All okay and away we go! After about four hours in to his journey, he sat down puzzled, what had he forgot? Two days of searching his memory and it hit him! The backpack! So, checking the compass and working out which way was home, back he went for it.
Now, one week into his round the world walk he noticed that things were still looking familiar and that was perplexing for him, as he sat for the next five days studying his map. He was even more confused when one of his neighbours past him and said 'Good morning Septimus', he knew his own name because it was sewn on all his clothes.
His neighbour asked how he was and what he was doing, Septimus, upon telling him that he was going to walk round the world for adventure and discovery, but, that he was a baffled as to his map and still recognising things and could his friend shed some light and advice on the situation.
Well! Giving a chuckle and pointing out to him, firstly the map was not of the world, but of the village and, if he looked over to his left, there was his house. Also that his compass was only an old watch with one hand missing, he wasn't going to get very far!
'So,' poor old Septimus said, 'in that case then, I'll have some hot cocoa, go to bed and in the morning I'll write a new list outlining everything I need to walk around the world.'
At which his friend carried on his journey thinking out loud to himself—'That's the umpteenth time Septimus has set out to walk around the world. And the umpteenth time he's not passed the village boundaries yet!'