h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*sounds of medics, boys with saucepans on their heads and ambulance sirens greet those inside this department. The receptionist is busy prioritising and what ever else A&E receptionists do*

Another Nurse:*Brings Joe through Door* If you could just give your details to the receptionist over there...
Receptionist:*plastic smile*Hello! And your name is...? Joe. *types in computer* now what seems to be the problem, Joe? oh and whats your date of birth?

22nd March, 1983. National Insurance number *whispers so that all is heard is "JE 56"*

I have been given too much alcohol

Receptionist:Riight. *plastic smile, taps on computer, bringing up history* If you would take a seat just over there sir, a triage nurse will call for you shortly.*plastic grin*

*Thanks the receptionist and promptly empties his stomach over the floor by the desk and collapses onto his knees moaning*

Receptionist:nurse! Nurse! I think we may have a problem
*Med team consisting of 3 Nurses and a doctor pick Joe up and put him on a gurney. Doctor orders a battery of tests, and nurse puts him on a drip.*

*walks through the doore*
God its just like the real thing
*shuders and walks out againe*

*strings play an impatient, schizoid-type theme*

*moans theatrically*

Doctor:You need to take him to X-Ray. Med team:*wheels Joe out onto the Corridor:http://www.h2g2.com/F52268?thread=72897 and leaves his there - there's a queue for X ray as always*

*orchestra rushes off down corridor to the lift up to the 20th floor where Ward 42 is*

* M.K wanders into what he hopes is the right place... *

* ...but the medication might just be kicking in *

M.K*

*Peregrin flutters in and lands on one leg*

Peregrin: Hi, can someone help me? I think I've broken my leg.
Receptionist: I'll get somebody to look at it. Please wait in the reception area.
(13 hours later)
Doctor: Good evening. What seems to be the problem?
P: I think I've broken this leg.
D: How did this happen?
P: A mallet hit it.
D: Who did such a thing?
P: Me, up in Ward 42.
D: You! Why?
P: Because I like the look of the treatment that the nurses give the patients

D: We'll need to Xray that. I'll have the porter take you into the corridor.

*Peregrin gets wheeled out into the corridor*

*...which is clever seeing as he's already there*

*Conductor comes in drenched with the orchestra following, cowering*

*appears in a toilet off the main A&E corridor and hurridly locks the door, checks that no-one's relieving himself, and drops his holdall on the floor, lightly*

(to self) I'll have to get used to that transport protocol... my stomach wasn't made for packet travel...

*opens the holdall and takes out a few of its contents*

*strips himself, puts on one of the holdall's contents, adjusts the fit, then puts his clothes back on.*

*takes the rest of the holdall's contents and arranges them inside his clothing, out of sight*

*puts the last item into a violin case and closes the case*

*stares at the holdall until it disappears*

(to suit-soft) Activate transmission net one-seven-four. Radio codesign Rifle One.

*looks around and makes sure that nothing's left on the floor*

*unlocks the door*

*An ambulance arrives at high speed, siren still wailing. The back doors fly open and Greg jumps out*

assistance, please! Immediate transfer to F52268?thread=259862 please!

*Bursts into doors, panting*
Jeez... *gasp* I've gotta get fit, *wheeze* or one of those teleporting machines... *gasp*

J.J

give me a hand with this stretcher will you JJ!

*pulls the stretcer, with NYC still firmly immobilised, out of the ambulance*

He's in a bad way, lets get him to F52268?thread=259862 ASAP!

*hearing Greg's voice, walks out of the bathroom and goes outside to the ambulance*

Greg! Fancy seeing you here! Need any help?

*goes to one side of the stretcher and helps Greg and JJ pull it to F52268?thread=259862 *