h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*similarly open-mouthed*
*rushes off to check the register....

- Sir Douglas wanders dejectedly back into the ballroom for the nth time today... -

I WANT TO GO HOME !!!

Wife?
Married?

~broken-hearted ~

*walks in*

Ball?
Room?
*jumps for joy*

*Enters and notices Sir Douglas with a look of concern on her face*
Are you all right good sir?

*steathily enters the ballroom, hides behind the bar. sees the dejected Sir Douglas and struggles with the logic which would tell her to take the bottle of Schnapps and sneak back out, and the urge to comfort the good sir. knowing that precious jewels are worth nothing in comparison to a good heart, she mosies over to Sir Douglas*

What is wrong, Sir Douglas? Can I help?

*Sir Douglas sighs and looks despondent, shaking his head in reply to Petunia's question*

Well, I have to go... it's urgent. Cheer up love.

*Slips an emerald ring into his pocket, lightly kisses his cheek, and steathily exits. Outside the manor, she tells herself not to look back but does anyway, glancing at the upstairs windows and brushing away a tear. She continues on, going to where a waiting boat and companion will take her to a new life*

Enough! This is a ballroom! Let's have some fun!

*Points at the stage, which is suddenly ocupied by Tom Jones singing his greatest hits. Yeah baby!*

*walks in*
*chucks a pair of knickers at Tom*
*fortunately, the knickers happen to be wrapped round a large brick, which brains Tom rather neatly*
*walks out again*

*rushes in with the first aid kit, tenderly starts seeing to Tom, who makes a rapid recovery under the loving ministrations of the french maid....
*so rapid, he gets up and starts singing again....
"Just help yourself to my lips, to my arms, just say the word and they are yours......"
GB:

Ugh
Can we please shut him up somehow?
Wonder if we could get Green Day?

Does anyone want to hear my Tom Jones joke?

Yes

No!

Hmmmm, a mixed response.

Tom Jones? AAARGH! I have enough of that with my brother singing "sex bomb" 24/7!

Oh I so agree...
*snaps fingers and changes Tom into Billy Joe, and then materialises the rest of Green Day*
*Well, technically not Green Day- just holographic representations of them- but the music's the same*
*Everyone covers their ears as "Basket Case" blasts out at a deafening level*
*Except Tweetie, who grins and starts sizing up the bottom of the ballroom for a mosh pit...*

WHO????????

*Grabs the remote control off Tweetie and changes Green Day to Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band. Wild applause as they sing "Born to Run".*

*several hours later, decides that while Springsteen is cool, she can only handle him in short doses*
*manages to steal the remote back from Chrome and flips the band to Nerf Herder, who blast out "5000 Ways to Die"*
*stops Chrome and explains that he can try and steal the remote in a tick, but this is her favourite song and he's not allowed to touch it until they're done*