h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey, what is this? *Pulls out a sheet of asbestos from Gwennies jeans* Don't you know this is dangerous to my health? Just for that *pulls down Gwennies jeans* I shall continue. Best use my other arm now, the first is getting tired.

*Gwennie's cheeks start to glow - the ones on her face also*

OUCH!!!

Pierce, I promise to be a good Gwennie from now on!

Stop it...Stop it...Stop it...Stop it...Stop it...

*Yearns for a bucket of ice cubes to sit in*

*Pierce stops and goes for a bucket with ice cubes - puts some in a couple of glasses and politely looks the other way while Gwennie slowly lowers her glowing cheeks into the bucket*

I think we broke that record nicely, don't you? Care for a single malt?

*Waves the clouds of steam away that are rising from the hissing ice*

Malt? You mean as in one slice of malt loaf?

*Wide-eyed innocent grin*

Yes, please!

Well, allright then, here you are! *passes Gwennie a slice of malt loaf and keeps the whisky for himself with a wide-eyed innocent smile*

*Munches happily on the malt loaf and returns another wide-eyed innocent grin to Pierce, exposing a mouthful of half chewed food*

Mmmmmm! Wuverly! Shmatter Pierce?

*Closely inspects Pierce whose face is turning a peculiar shade of green, takes a sip of his malt whiskey and returns it to him with bits of malt loaf floating in it*

I've seen worse - only a couple of hundred years ago... Here, keep the whisky!

*Hans Gwennie the glass and goes for another barrel of malt, happy to have lost his apetite as he is on a strict diet...*

So, you're on a liquid only diet then?

*Regards the barrel of malt with raised eyebrows*

I am now! And your table manners makes me call for a lot of it!

*Giggles through a mouthful of food*

Yes, my table manners took a lot of cultivation...

In fact, my old school's name was "Manor Secondary Modern" where they really instilled a deep sense of culture in their students!

...so deep that noone else could find it

Nope! Not even the best therapists in the land!

Did they ever try shock-therapy? *grabs Gwennie and throws her head first into the sea that has been covered with thin ice over night*

*Pulls herself, shivering from the icy waters and approaches Pierce whilst smiling sweetly*

That was f..f..f..freezing!

*Starts to shake herself dry and covers Pierce with splashes of icy water*

Hm, doesn't seem to work. What a pity.







*suddenly throws Gwennie in again*

Ah, well, better give it another try - just to be on the safe side...

Safe?!? For who?!?

JOTD: Shampoo? No thanks, I'll use real poo.

Er, where is Gwennie? She's been in that lake for 2 days now. I sure hope she doesn't get a cold!

I'd better check the fireplace, find some woolen blankets, make some good oldfashioned chicken soup, bake some bread and brew some of me famous gløgg.

Wouldn't want her to be cross with me now would I?

*Sneaks up behind Pierce and empties a bucket of icy lake water over Pierce's head*

Boo!

Thank you, just what I needed. Now my incurable cold is turned into a curable pneumonia *shudder*

You however seem quite uncurable - so I'll just have to give up trying. Let's have a glass of gløgg instead!

Sounds wonderful!

*Pulls her winter thermals on and settles down to a glass of gløgg and some good company*