h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(Gulp! Horrible feeling of being cornered ...)

Er, thank you ... how kind ... I will mention it to Peaceful , er, er, ... but

(Yes! Got it!)

but she suffers dreadfully from seasickness - even the slightest motion ... still, we'll see. Thanks.

* An almost imperceptable smile creeps over M.K's lips... *

Well in that case...

We have a rather sturdy Chapel on-site...

* He pauses momentarily... *

...and we do have the facilities to cope with the expens...

expansive needs of putting on the catering here...

But, in the meantime it would require you to settle up your account and temporarily move into Guesthouse No.6...

Lord M.K*

Ch ch ch Chapel? Oh! er, how ... convenient.

(Oh crikey!)

That would be marvellous ... though of course, our vicar is still not available, so there would be quite a delay ...

I should talk about this with Pea ... er, my wife, of course.

* Comes in with a slight pan-galactic hangover...

* Still not completely happy about how things keep changing in this eccentric hotel...

What? Where? Oh, there you are Kes!!! I had been wondering a bit...

I'm not sure how she'll react after last night ..

(Shut up! Now!)

I mean, she likes the Suite ... may not want to move ...

Ah! There you are my dear. The manager would like us to move into one of the cottages.

Kes, I think we should be moving out of that horrible Bridal Suite!
If they want it, they can keep it!!!!

Would that be alright for you, my dear?

*out of sight of MK, Kes nods furiously, hoping PE will realise ...*

Kes, one more pequeno detalhe, you know... a little detail we must talk about... not too important... just something you really should know about us...

Excellent, my dear.

*To MK*

There - we'll move - could you please arrange to have our things moved to Guesthouse 6?

Thank you - yes, of course I'll pay the bill to date.

Yes ... and what my wife was trying to say is ....

Kes, about yesterday, about the day before that...

about all the drinking --

now you no longer are my brother-in-law, Kes.

My husband, your twin - my ex-husband -- is now my brother-in-law...

I'm afraid we are really married now, too late to change my mind.

Seems like my work here is done, hehehe. Ciao!

You see, Peaceful, I've already explained about the marriage certificate

(Nod, Nod, Nod)

and how we're waiting for a vicar for the English ceremony, yes?

*At last, Kes stops talking long enough to process what Peaceful just said.

*His jaw flaps about for a few seconds, then he makes a statement which completely and accurately summarises his thoughts at this instant

Glummph? We're what?

No, Kes, we will not wait too long now... no it is impossible. We must find that vigário. I have made up my mind. This situation must be cleared up or the business will be lost, and I will not accept it... no it will not be that way...

* Kes seems to be trembling, no, maybe it is chilly...

* MK nods to the Pierce with a knowing glance... *

Well, we do have a fin...

A vicar, onsite who would be more than overjoyed to perform the ceremony...

...and of course I'll escort you to your new rooms as soon as...

* M.K clears his throat and offer his open palm... *

Lord M.K*

*Kes grabs MK's palm, mistaking the gesture, and shakes it - with all the firmness of a newly-condemned man*

Thank you (faintly) as you see, we ... er

... but of course, still no rush for the ceremony, really, is there Peaceful ????

Mr Manager, Lord K*???? How should I call you??? No, do not think I am not still a bit angry with you. But I do not understand your customs, and you have been compensated for the losses you say you suffered...

I wish you to call the Vigário as soon as possible. My husband and I will be getting married, for the first or second time, I am not sure...

I will wait here.

* She looks quite grim and determined. (And yes, quite lovely too )