h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~Knock knock~

*Phillipa, Mari-rae's useful niece, is at the door with a Welcome Basket overflowing with goodies. There are chocolates, assorted teas, cookies, bath salts, coupons for local businesses, and a note that says WELCOME in shaky, but legible calligraphy.*

Hello, Mr. Featherly. My Auntie has sent me to ask if there's anything that you might need.

Ah me darlin' come in, come in.
*Phillipa enters nervously, after the incident in the tea shop*
Eeeh, ye don't kneeds t' be shy wi' old Amos. Twas just a bit of fun on my part. I likes to be friendly-likes. It gets quite lonely round these parts fer an old fella likes me, what with the Lady C not in residence at the moment. I thinks she took a bit of a shine to that htere doctor fellow when he called and so she had to go away for a while, you know, collect her thoughts and such.
*quick rummage throught the welcome basket*
Eee, grand, I loikes a nice brew of tea, and good cookies or biscuits to dunks in it. *grins his gap-toothed smile*
Oooh and coupons, which reminds me, I wonder if there is a bookies nearby. I needs t' put me bets on the 'orses some'ow. Bath Salts? Last me a lifetime these will. You must thank yer Auntie fer me.
Does she need any odd jobs doin'? I'm at a bit of a loose end just now. What about you me darlin'? 'Ave you gots a man that does fer you? Prob'ly. A nice young filly, liken yerself, bounds to 'ave lotsa young studs around. *Phillipa casts her eyes downwards and blushes slightly, scuffing one toe in the dirt* Aaah, I's is roight aren't I. See, ol' Amos aint be as daft as folks makes out.
*Phillipa stammers that she needs to go*
Roight you are me girlie, remembers to thanks yer Auntie for me.
*holds door open for Phillipa, who makes to depart, but not before Amos manages to swipe her backside playfully. She turns 'Ooh, you are awful!' and smiling and waving trots off throught the garden. Amos grins gapilly again, and settles down to brew some tea and sort throught the contents of the basket*

~Ring - Ring ; Ring - Ring~ *Amos shuffles over to answer his phone.* Hello? Amos, is that you? I was wondering if you could pop over to my place and install a dishwasher for me? I'm at http://www.h2g2.com/F50623?thread=72789&post=585286 Hello?

*on phone*
Oooh Arrr, ma'am. I cans do thats roight enough. I shall just gather me tools and proceeds promptly likes.
*replaces phone on cradle. Starts to gather the required tools and puts them in his toolbag. Heads out the door and over to Mari-rae's cottage to survey the situation*

*Poor Amos has been shed bound for the last few weeks, due to the river next to him flooding, and effectively cutting him off from the rest of the village. Fortunately, being a resourceful man he had the forethought to lay in a few 'provisions' and so forth, and has just now been able to get out and about to survey the scene.
Luckily only The Shed was affected, and Lady C's house appears undamaged. He sets about tidying up the old shed, and getting his trusty tools in order, should the need arise that his talents are called upon. Unfortunately due to his enforced stay indoors, what miracles Marie-rae and Gwennie had worked upon him have sadly gone awry, and he is back to his dirty old scarecrow like self again.*

*He sets about the long task of drying out the lower quarters of his shed, thankful in the knowledge, that all that was underwater can be rescued, and that what little clothes and such he owned, stayed in his rude cot, up in the loft. He sats a fire in the stove, leaving the door open, so as to get as much drying heat into the small building. Viewed from the road, it appears as though the shed is steaming!!!*

*He pulls on some welly boots and trudges up the garden to survey the damage and check on Lady C's abode.*

*knock knock*

Hallo Mr. Featherly, may I come in? I parked my rubber raft at your azaleas, hope you don't mind.

I am about to open the Blue Steed Equestrian Centre, a place for boarding, training, riding -- all things horses. In order to ensure the supply of hay and oats and sugarbeet and carrots and such, we now have a fair sized farm hard by us. There are bots from CLI to do a lot of the drudgery labour and we have a fine pair of Clydesdales (named Bonnie and Clyde) for hauling and plowing.

But I don't have a farm manager. Someone to oversee the crops and make sure that hay and straw and shavings and feed are delivered regularly to BSEC. You would also be expected to take researchers out on hayrides, with Bonnie and Clyde.

I am not sure how much agricultural work you've done, but you seem to be the sort who would know how to mend the harness and send the bots about their hoeing and all. I also hope that we can get vegiman to handle our produce. We plan to recycle compost from the centre and grow everything organically.

Does this interest you at all, sir?

(hope the flood story had little to do with your RL! Glad you are back )

*Amos looks up from where he was cleaning some tools, the Shed has dried out quite well, and has stopped steaming, there is now a pot of freshly brewed tea sitting keeping warm on the edge of the stove. He stops, wipes his hands and motions the newcomer to enter his humble home*
Welcome, welcome ma'am. Come sit yerself inside, out of the cold. cans I temts yer to a cup 'o tea p'rhaps, while I mulls over yer 'andsome offer of work? And don't you worry yer pretty head abouts yer raft. Stables yer say? I used ter works wit' 'orses many years ago, and I dare say oi can remembers the mosts of it.
*pours two cups of tea* Oi reccons Oi coulds see mesel' clear to helpin' yer out, as I don't knows when me mistress is returning.
Sits awhile and talks ter ol' Amos *grins his famous gap-toothed smile*

(Thanks marie-rae, it is just a story to cover my absence. Good to be back, for the moment, anyway )

*takes a seat at the hearth and accepts a cup of tea*

Well, with all the groombots there won't be any call for heavy labour, but you would certainly be useful whenever harness needed mending or a nail needed to be tightened on a horseshoe!

Mainly, it would be a matter of keeping an eye on things. Like if the number of bales of hay on hand at the Center gets low, then you would hitch up Bonnie and Clyde, go over to the farm and fetch us a wagon full. The bots can load and unload, but it takes a human, er, researcher, to work with a horse.

Same with oats and the other feedstuffs. I would let you know if we need more dried chopped sugarbeet, and you would see to it for me.

The farm is about 5 minutes away from the center, but the farm and the center and all the pastureland are part and parcel of having horses. You can see a map at http://www.h2g2.com/A475292 and get an idea of the place.

*has a quick check of the map and surrounding environ*
Well, oi reckons I's coulds be doing something ter helps yer out.
Good lookin woman likes yersel should have plenty o' help on hand, so as nots to get yer pretty hands roughed up more than necessary.
Though, I see's you're a capable woman of independant means judging by the way yer handled yon raft. So basically yer can counts on 'ol Amos ter helps yer out, as and when yer requires it.
*pours more tea nad grins his grin again*

So, tells me a bit more abouts yersel m'dear....

*after a long modest pause, staring down at her teacup* Not much to tell, Mr. Featherly. I keep an apartment off to the east of here with my nephew Michael, and am blessed with plenty of company. And now there are the horses.

I's heard tell, yer a bit o' an artist?
Oi likes ter thinks I's a bit o' an artist mesel'. Oi takes great prides in me work, and iffen sumbdy's ter asks me ter carry out a bit o' works fer um, well, I does its ter me best ability.
Takes the gardens here fer instance, it's me canvas. I likes ter think I can paints a pretty picture all year round, just by the way I's plants certain things here or there. I knows the Lady C appreciates it. Speaking o' which, I best gets this lawn airated afore she returns, now thats the waters have gone down enough, especially as it looks loikes rain later.
Now, you just sits and finish yer tea, and remember, feel free ter pop by anytime that the horses allows yer ter take a few minutes off.
The tea's always a brewin'. *grins again* and I likes a good chinwag.
*finishes his tea, rather noisily, gathers up a few tools and heads off into the garden again*

*Quietly the barefoot Pandora makes her way to the shed without being seen. In one swift motion she pulls a note from her waist band and tacs it up with a green thumb-tac.
It reads : Dear Mister Featherly,
'Pandora's Box has been completely flooded for weeks now and I have been living at the Crossed Purposes Pub. The causation of the inside flooding was due to someone in their cups leaving the pool water flowing wide open. The day it got up to 45 degrees I swam to the back & dove down to turn off the main valve. It's to the right of the dog kennel. Painted blue with water droplets on it. Everything in my cottage has either a painting or a carving on the door to explain the contents of the room. The pool room has a waterfall carved in the heavy mahogany doors. The Sauna a Palm tree carved, etc. The one with the skull and cross bones you don't want to even go there. It's my bedroom. Access to all other areas are unlocked. You may leave a message for me at the Pub or anywhere else that is easeist to you. Here is $500 to start...please keep repeipts of all monies spent as you will be reimbursed. Thank you Pandora, ~1st female mortal~

*arrives back, having spent christmas at his nephews, and sees the note pinned to his door* Roights. Just the job ter gets me back in't swing o' things. *grins and removes note. Enters The Shed and picks up his plumbers toolbag, makes a note in his little book and heads off to 'The Box': http://www.h2g2.com/F52734?thread=86004