h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Somewhere around the cottage and the gardens vistors might spot a large orange cat asleep in the sunshine.
Stop by and make a fuss of her. She likes a little treat.
Lady C

Er... ignore her... she meant to say a large doughnut and not a little treat!!!!

*Lady C places a tiny china plate on the floor in front of the cat. Neatly piled up on the middle of the plate is a small morsel of food.*
There you go! What a feast for you today!
Lady C

~The "cat" eyes this offering with disgust...~

How on earth do you expect me to lay here all day in the sun... with just that to give me sustanance????

~The "cat" pokes the neatly piled morsel with a false claw!!!~

*Lady C strokes the cat between the ears*
Not hungry? OK, I'll just take this away then.
*removes small china plate, and put down a bowl of water*
Lady C

WATER!!!!

~'The Cat'.. looks down in disgust... ~

Me thinks dear Lady... that you should have a rethink as to what to feed your dear feline chum...

Would you like one of these special treats?
*offers tiny dried pellet of food from a packet market 'Kitty Treats'*
Lady C

Are they veggie???

Well, you just stay right there. I'm going to pop out to the shops and see if that nice vegiman has something tempting on offer.
Lady C

*Phillipa walks along the sidewalk, returning from her errands back to the Teashoppe. There is an odor of baked goods that wafts along with her.*

~The 'CAT' closes her eyes and starts to snore gently~

Hello? Nice kitty, Niiiice kitty....
You must be Greebo: someone said I should introduce myself, as I am also somewhat feline in disposition...
*Thinks: but I'm not THAT colour anyway!*
Anyway, someone told me that you might be partial to doughnuts, would you care for one??
8Gingerly proffers bag of mixed Donuts....

~Greebo opens an eye...~

Hmmm... at least someone has bought me some decent food... Hello Rev... er.. what are you a Reverend of????

Please call me Cloviscat. I'm supposed to be vicar of the church, but I am having a little difficulty getting in touch with God regarding visiting rights. I think the Rev bit is supposed to make people respect me: it doesn't work. Cats just don't get enough attention these days.

May I sit down? I won't block your sunshine. And do please help yourself to the donuts. I'm so full of biscuits cakes and scones from all these neighbours that I couldn't possible do them justice.

Please?

*proffers bag again, wafting the scents from it gently towards G's nose*

~Greebo needs no second urging... she grabs bag of doughnuts and quicky scoffs the lot... grin~

My goodness! You must have been hungry!
Does nobody feed you, poor starving cat?

~Greebo stares in astonishment at such gullability... but then grins secretly to herelf~

No... no one EVER feeds me... ~Greebo opens her cute little eyes wide... and manages to squeeze a couple of tears out~

Me is mostly forgotten... me sooooooo sad...

*The Vicar's heart strings are (of course) pulled by such a picture of innonence*

And they told me that you were a bitch in a fur coat!

How could they be so wrong! You just stay here in the sunshine while I go and get another, BIG bag of doughnuts...

*leaves, sniffing into large hanky*

~Greebo grins craftily as she watches the vicar walk away... she settles back down in the sunshine... to snooze and await more doughnuts~