h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As you may (or probably may not have heard) Olias has died of shame due to comments made at the cricket pitch last week. I am therefore here to bury him with dignity.
And I would like to add that he will be continuing in his roles in his spectural state.
Please visit his grave under the oak tree by the pavillion.

*funeral march begins to play*

Brothers and sisters we are gathered here today.....

Hello! Can anybody hear me?!
I didn't die of shame, it was murder I tell you. Everyone knows I have no shame. And will someone please stop that dog from urinating over my grave.

Perhaps it would be appropriate if I said a few words:
*swiftly puts on 'fairy liquid' dog collar*
***Oh Olias! We hardly knew you! Come to that, some of us didn't really know you at all. How swiftly your chance at enjoyment passed by! Now we can only hope that you have gone to a better place, to that celestial cricket pitch in the sky, where the light is always good and the sandwiches never curl: save a Pimms for us will you?***
*Bows head, overcome with emotion*

Thank you Rev Cloviscat

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust...

Hey! Ghost of Olias if you're up there - would you mind if you became our Ashes Trophy? It would be fitting.

I probably don't have much of a choice. I also don't quite see what is fitting about it.

Well we do need some ashes - and we'd probably rather have you than a burnt Jeffery Archer novel. You'd be honoured.

Sure, I'd be honoured - but why would anyone want to play for my ashes. Unless the h2g2 version involves the losers having to take the ashes!

If you read back on the original forum you will find that that was once suggested

and you're funeral is getting out of hand. time to start the wake

Yeah, well i can't be bothered to read the forums, that would take me all day.

So on to the wake then, I hope the turnout is better than for the funeral.