h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Czech Legion - A3946485
Author: Johnny_Alpha - U1501417

A brief history of the Czech Legion. I tried not to get too bogged down in WWI politics put it's tricky. The style is a bit choopy and dry, which I'll work on if I get the chance.

Looks like a good start to me, but I'd agree about the choppy bit. I also think using some subheaders to break up each section a bit more could help.

This is only your second entry in PR? And a proper use of GuideML as well? I'm impresssed. This is an excellent entry. There are a couple of grammatical errors but that's it: "it's" needs to be replaced by "its" once or twice. Keep it up.

I'm a great fan of the Czechs: I went to Prague a number of years ago and was smitten. The beer is good, and I drive a Czech car as well now. They seem like hard b***ards.

Thanks for the support. I've done some style smoothing and added a couple of headers. The 'it's/its' thing is a huge blind spot for me.

Felonious, glad you liked Prague and congrats on owning a Skoda.

As for being hard, Czechs generally avoid confrontation. The tend to bend in the wind rather snap, obfuscate rather than attack. Then, suddenly, they'll decide they want something and go after it with such bloody-minded doggedness that god help anybody who gets in the way. The fact that a nation of only 10 million in the heart of Europe have managed to hang on to their nation, language and culture despite everybody and his dog marching their armies through here says alot about them.

Skodas are ace cars, despite what others might think. But I'd *really* like a Tatra T 603.

This is a nice piece. I noticed that you spell Tsar both tsar and czar in parts of the piece is there a reason for this?

The Professor
SG-5
Bolivia

I used Tsar and Czar? Damn, I'll have to fix that.

The Tatra 603 is fantastic. I've only ridden in one a couple of times, but it was quite an experience. They're becoming very rare, even here.

I remember reading that there was one in the UK. The owner paid for its upkeep by renting it out for cold war movies.

It's the ultimate post-modern car: today's interpretation of yesterday's vision of tomorrow. They always seemed to be used as props in slightly other-worldy films (eg. An Unfortunate Series of Events). They're also beautiful to look at. It's a pity Tatra stopped making these. The Czechs are good engineers.

If you look at the IMDB entry for An Unfortunate Series of Events, you'll find a bit about the 603 in the 'trivia' section. I know this, because I wrote it.

Another bit of triv I heard about the 603 is that it was the first ever car to be tested in a wind tunnel.

hmmm... I feel a guide entry coming on.

There's also one in Rancid Aluminium (which I have *not* seen and have *no* intention of seeing). In fact, probably the same one.

Was the T700 the last one?

To the best of my knowledge, yes. The T700 bombed effectively killing off Tatra's car division. It's a gas-guzzling, 2 ton beast that cost more than a hign end Mercedes. It didn't sell.

Tatra's truck division however goes from strength to strength. They are famous for being great value and near indestructable.

Isn't the Tatra the rear-engined, air-cooled V8 thing? Kewl!

Just a couple of grammatical things:

In the intro, you use a rather unusual tense in it that really needs to have 'along the way' added at the end of the paragraph. It's going to be a little difficult to explain with such a long piece, so I might just demonstrate. I would write it thus:

'Between 1918 and 1920, 60,000 Czech soldiers, stranded by the fortunes of war, travelled over four thousand miles through enemy territory, forced defeat after defeat on the Red Army, took control of the longest railway line in the world, formed a free Siberian republic and 'liberated' a fair chunk of Russia's gold reserves along the way.'

'Russian still laboured under the near feudal rule Czar Nicholas II.'

I'm guessing that should be 'Russia...' at the start and '...of Czar Nicholas II' at the end.

'both also had contend with an increasingly restive population.'

Should be 'had to contend with'.

'on the eastern front the Russians and took on the Austro-Hungarians.'

There's an extra 'and' in there which probably needs removing.

'served with distinction it what was otherwise a complete disaster.'

'It' should be 'in'.

'Realising that this would eventually leave them defenceless, Legion began to fight back.'

Should be 'the Legion began to fight back.'

'In a series skirmishes, and the occasionally out right battle'

Should be 'In a series of skirmishes and the occasional outright battle'.

'The Allies for there part began'

Should be 'for their part'.

'Czechs, sickened by White Russian atrocisties'

Should be 'The Czechs, sickened by White Russian atrocities'.

'with drew' = 'withdrew'.

Other than that, a stirring, well-written story that I had never heard until I read it today. It makes me want to go out and liberate something.

Excellent stuff.

I really enjoyed reading this, too. While I didn't feel it was too ponderous or in need of additional subheads, I tend to defer when others have expressed that feeling.

At any rate (you're gonna hate this), if you're ready, I'll add a list of nits to Yalson's excellent proofreading report (above).

laboured under the near feudal rule Czar Nicholas II
---> near-feudal

At the turn of the century, up to 100,000 Czechs had immigrated to Russia, mostly settling in and around the Ukrainian capitol of Kiev.
---> I would suggest 'some 100,000' -or- 'as many as 100,000'
---> emigrated
---> capital

Czech units under Russia command
---> Russian

Czech troops recieved even harsher treatment
---> received

agreed to Masaryks plans and The Czech Legion was formed
---> Masaryk's ---> the Czech

some 4000 men
---> 4,000

steamroll through the Ukraine in attempt to occupy
---> in an attempt

continue the fight. The chose to fight.
---> They chose

That left east. 4000 miles along
---> Use words (Four thousand) to begin a sentence

all factions in Russias increasingly bitter
---> Russia's

the Legion expanded it's sphere
---> its

the long awaited rescue ships began
---> long-awaited

Legion had made it there too and the evacuation
---> had made it there, too, and the

the Communist take-over in 1948
---> takeover

Watch tsar/czar & Tsar/Czar throughout.

Really good piece.


m

That's gotta be a first! Someone proofreading a proofreader!

And _so_ not like me!

Thanks for the corrections everyone, though seeing that many mistakes makes me wonder if English is really my first language. Maybe I'm Norwegian.

Anyway, all the suggested changes have been made (I think) so all that remains is for someone to point out all the mistakes that I added while inputting the corrections.

At the end of this week I will most likely be abandoning this piece in favour of new and exciting things, so let me know any last changes, suggestions, comments you may have. Thanks.

Finish it! It's too good to go to waste!

I think this is a very good entry, but I still have some nits to pick. Some are more about style than errors as such.

forced defeat after defeat -> inflicted defeat after defeat ...

It might be useful to give the date of the start of World War One, so we get a sense of the time scale involved.

the near-feudal rule Czar Nicholas II ->
the near-feudal rule of Czar Nicholas II

increasingly restive population - restive suggests that they get a lot of rest. I suspect you mean complacent, or apathetic, or something like that.

asked the Tsar's government to be allowed to form ->
asked the Czar's government to allow them to form
(I'm assuming Czar is the spelling you want to use here)

were were transported -> were transported
crack down -> crackdown (I think)
lobbying the Czarist government to be allowed to raise ->
lobbying the Czarist government to allow him to raise/to allow the creation/raising of

The Legion, now numbering some 4,000 men - When is now? If you mean when they were formed, then 'originally numbering some 4,000 men' would be better, IMO

Czechs and Slovak POWs -> Czech and Slovak POWs
ingored -> ignored
steamroll -> streamroller (I think, steamroll doesn't sound right IMO)
in attempt to occupy -> in an attempt to occupy
ingored -> ignored
going to have save themselves -> going to have to save themselves
negiotiating -> negotiating
where ever -> wherever
began to violate their agreements and demanding weapons ->
began to violate their agreements and demanded weapons/
began to violate their agreements and demand weapons
Legion began to fight back -> the Legion began to fight back

strategically vital section of the railway around Lake Biakal -
You don't mention why this was vital. I think it would be good to mention why, although only if you can do this fairly briefly, in a footnote or similar.

A straggling unit - I'm not sure if straggling is the right word, it took me a bit of working out what you mean. I think "An isolated unit", or "A unit isolated from its/their comrades

catch up to their comrades -> catch up with their comrades

Allies went so far -> The Allies went so far
By the end of May most of Legion -> By the end of May most of the legion
military of the their new nation - the or their, pick one

I've tried to be very thorough, as I find this a very interest and well written entry, and once these points are dealt with, deserves a place in the edited guide. Well done Johnny

As I've mentioned before, I too think this is a terrific piece.

I do have a cautionary comment on one of the nits most recently picked...

>> increasingly restive population - restive suggests that they get a lot of rest. I suspect you mean complacent, or apathetic, or something like that.

I beg to differ. Restive has nothing to do with rest. It means 'obstinately or stubbornly resisting control' and it is an excellent description of the population in question, which was far from complacent or apathetic.

Just doing my part to keep great words in their place.

Here's hoping this piece is EG bound.

m

P.S. FWIW, I happen to think 'steamroll' is just fine; if 'twere me, I'd be restive as regards the suggested change to 'steamroller'.