h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Headington Shark, Oxfordshire, UK - A38885485
Author: Opticalillusion - media mynx life would be boring without hiccups - U231227

Watch out for flying

Hi there Opti! An interesting and charming little entry, this. I've really only got grammatical nitpicks.

>>Oxford Radio presenter Bill Heine that's who<<

Comma needed before 'that's who'.


>>He bought two cinemas in East Oxfordshire the Penultimate Picture Palace, in Cowley, which he adorned with a fibreglass structure of white gloves like Al Johnson's and Not the Moulin Rouge near his home in Headington, that had a pair of legs doing the can can embedded in the building.<<

Took me a few moments to work this out. A bit of punctuation should straighten it out :
Colon after 'East Oxfordshire'
Semi-colon (or perhaps comma, I'm not sure on the rules here but I think either will probably do unless someone too clever for their own good tells you anything different ) after 'Al Jognson's'.
'That had a pair of legs' sounds strange. I think 'which had a pair of legs' might be what's needed.
Perhaps a hyphen in 'can-can'?


>>and changed the name of his cinema in Headington to Not the Moulin Rouge<<

What was it called before this? Because you introduce the cinema as 'Not the Moulin Rouge' earlier in the Entry.


>>Now artist Buckley had a sketchbook<<

Did he have a first name? And this kind of comes out of the blue. It's a while before the entry explains why this is relevant.


>>When he returned from his trip in the spring of 1986 he became aware of planes from England taking off and dropping their loads on Libya<<

Loads of bombs I assume? It might be worth mentioning this was military.


>>The shark structure which weighs four hundred weight and is 25 feet long made worldwide news<<
More commas! One after 'structure' and one after 'long'. Also, I had to look up how much a hundredweight is. Perhaps I'm alone in this but a more common weight unit might be useful.


>>However, not everyone has been impressed with the structure such as the Oxford City Council who questioned whether it was safe to have the structure installed in an area where it may one day fall on someone, but engineers deemed it to be safely installed<<

I think this might be better split into two sentences, ie a full stop after 'structure', then a second sentence. 'Oxford City Council, etc..' or perhaps 'For example, Oxford City Council...'


'jews' needs a capital letter, as does 'holocaust'.

>>Many other writers resided there too such as C S Lewis and J R R Tolkien.<<

One final comma: after 'too'.


Thanks for that Opti. Nice to know some people still come up with some ideas.

for pointing out the grammatical errors

I'm glad you like this.

any other comments?

opinions please

Hi Opti, this is very good

<> squash up the initials, thus: CS Lewis and JRR Tolkien


Your intro has some repetition,
<>
I suggest:
Many people think of erecting satellite dishes on their houses to pick up extra television channels, while others install solar panels to create energy to use in their houses, but who would think of putting up fibreglass constructions of a pair of legs, hands and a shark on their buildings?

Good Entry Opti, well done!

GB

GB ...I have updated the Entry If you think of anything else please don't hesitate in letting me know.

I hope you receive a smiley soon opti

Thanks

<> yes, do you have a photo of the Headington Shark?

I can pop over there and take a piccie if you like or alternatively BBC Oxford show some good photos.

I would like you to take a photo then email it to me for application to this Entry

you do realise that would be allowing me to have a badge though don't you?

Just kidding, that was the general idea

what I'll do is go to the library there to return my material, which incidentally is in the CS Lewis park or is that next door anyway I'll take a piccie of the when I'm over there.

pic is in my folder

It's a shame about the scaffolding though.

Hasn't this been picked yet?

Some nitpicks, to make the sub's life a little easier:

just say 'Oxford City Council' (occurs throughout)
four hundredweight
Secretary of State for the Environment, or just Environment Secretary would do.
Oxford City Centre

nope not been picked yet

for the nitpicks

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

There ya go!

spooky though how that happened ...must be an h2g2 about or something