h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Avvakum Petrovich-Christian Martyr - A3880046
Author: shagbark - U170775

An interesting life. More people should hear of it.

Hi Shagbark!

This guy may have had an interesting life, but you don't really tell us anything about it here, do you? All you give is when and where he was born and died, and the fact that he disagreed with the leaders of the church. Your entry could be summarised as "Guy disagrees with church leaders. Murdered".

We need more than that to make this interesting. Where's the historical background that could put this in context? Where's the explanation of why he disagreed with the church. What were his views?

somehow it doesn't surprise me that gnomon was the first to respond. The ancient Mariner had his albatross and I have gnomen.
Somewtimes I think his comments "Unmeaning they, as moonlight on the dial of day

Sorry Shagbark. I won't comment on any more of your entries if it upsets you.

Gnomon nevertheless has a valid point. If this guy is as interesting as you say he deserves more to be written about him. If you can't find any more, then perhaps there is little to distinguish him from the countless other Christian martyrs and he isn't that interesting after all

This might well be an interesting entry and worthy of inclusion in the edited guide. However it still needs some padding. I thought that this was lacking some detail also - for instance:

* what reforms did Nikon propose, and why were they so controversial?

* what was the story of Constantinople and the Turks?

* Do we know any more about the circumstances of his exile?

* Do we know any more about his time in Siberia and what he had to endure?

* I'm not sure what is meant by "We suffer and die for the truth...Here stands my throne" - probably just me.

* Do we know any more about the circumstances of his execution?

* Did he leave any legacy? Anything that brought about further events or persists to this day?

* Did he become a saint? If so, when and by whom?

Cheers,

W

Yes there is more to the story and perhaps I should of put this in writers workshop rather than peer review. Nonetheless since it is here expect to see the article expanded in a few days. I am still pulling together resources.

Perhaps someone would like to look over the latest revision.

Good hook.

This article is still a little sketcy on the detail. I love reading about historical figures, but you haven't convinced me that he did much. For example, you say that he exclaimed, "We suffer and die for the truth...Here stands my throne." My question is, where did he exclaim it? To whom?
Later, it feels like you tell us more about Nikon than about Avvakum. Was AP afraid of death by association or something? The context work is good, but you need to bring it back to the focus of the article.

As a practical issue, I think the use of tags would help you divide up your information and see where you need more detail.

Writing nitpicks: You have several uncited quotes. Even if they're all from the same source, cite each one.
Uncomfortable consecutive use of the word 'meanwhile' in the last sentence of par. 2 and the first sentence of par. 3.
I'd like to see the first paragraph as more than one sentence.
There are some grammar issues. You have several fragment sentences and you often need to use more commas. Read your article out loud, listening for where you pause. Also pay attention to subject-predicate pairs.
"The Life,written by himself" needs a space after the comma.

Content questions:
Who was the Bulgarian Czar in 870?
Wait, what was transplanted to Serbia? The church structure?
What was Avvakum's father's name?
Did Nikon have a more complete name?
Do you have birth/death dates for any of these other figures?
Avvakum wrote an autobiography. Did it give any details of his early life?
Are there any third-party accounts of Petrovich that give us clues to his personality, personal vices, or best friends? You know, the nitty-gritty.
He feared his opposition might endanger his family. How big was his family? Who was in it? Who was his wife?
Where has his autobiography been influential after his death?
What is an Arch Priest?
Did he have any last words?

And a fine point... on your swentelomanie.be link in footnote #2 I would make use of the TITLE argument (See example at A184763) so you don't have a URL in the sidebar.

I know this is a lot, and completely obnoxious seeing as how I haven't gotten anything edited yet. I like what you have, it's got me curious to hear more. I think it's still not ready for edit though.

I'll be keeping an eye on this article!

I think I'm going to move this over to the writers workshop. there are just to many unanswered questions.