h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Cucumber - A38320517 Author: Big Al - Keeper of the Glowing Pickle, 'Saboteur of boring and banal conversation' Keeper of Monobrows; Keeper of Mnemonics, Patron Saint of Left Handers - U723247 As Keeper of the Glowing Pickle (http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/brunel/F19585?thread=439996), I thought it about time that I contributed an Entry on 'The Cucumber'. (Somebody has already done 'The Gherkin' )

But.... do cucumbers glow like gherkins?
Coudln't spot any obvious mistakes on a read through, reads nicely too I'd got to the en do fit before I had realised I was that far
I remember seeing a recipie some time ago for cucumber soup... Didn't relaly fancy the idea myself, cna't imagine what it woudl have taste dlike, cucumber is just so associated with thin, cold slices of it with ham or cheese or in salads

"However, the first mention of cucumbers in Britain is in a seed list prepared for the Archbishop of Canterbury in 1326, but they didn't become particularly well-known in this country for another 200 years, during the reign of Henry VIII."

I don't like the 'However... but...' in this sentence, but it's too late at night for me to come up with a sensible alternative

Nice entry - well done!

Did you know that, botanically, a cucumber fruit is a berry, as it is fleshy, indehiscent (doesn't open to release seeds), and contains no hard parts (apart from the seeds themselves)? Other berries include bananas, tomatoes and dates.

And it's nice not to see the Ken Dodd joke:

' By Jove, what a nice day for sticking a cucumber through your neighbour's letterbox & shouting "Look out Mrs, the Martians have landed!" '

Icy

()I'd wondered about adding the complication about the cucumber being a berry . I might still do this

I'll not be reading this actual entry as the cucumber is my most detested edible thing, completely indigestible to all folk of good sense!
Perhaps my most detestable berry even(Thank you Icy).

Never the less in the best interests of keeping up the reputation of the EG as being both a repository of almost infinite knowledge and a keeper of odd facts, sayings and sweet bon mots.
I'd like to see the following quote from one of England's foremost men of letters placed in a position of prominence in this entry.

All in the interests of fairness, even-handedness and perspicuity of course.

The quote comes from one, Dr Samuel Johnson:

Cucumbers; Eating
A cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing."
Boswell: Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides, 5th Oct, p.354


This is an excellent use of the things in my humble opinion.

The above quote comes from the venerable OED of Quotations.

The full quote oddly enough is shortened by the Eds at OED, it read's thus:

"It has been a common saying of physicians in England, that a cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing."
Boswell: Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides

Perhaps the Eds just wished to display their collective abhorrence of this pernicious vegetable come berry.

I look forward to this (possibly) admirable addition to the always estimable EG.



I'll finish by a slight paraphrase of a Johnson gem...

"It is very strange, and very melancholy, that the paucity of human pleasures should persuade us ever to call eating cucumbers one of them."

That quote is already in the Entry, although I didn't mention Boswell (only Johnson)

Well, I never!

Informative, nicely written, although I guess there's a certain section you've avoided, and perhaps rightly so. The cucumber as sex toy...

Anyway, I know that you can buy half cucumbers at the supermarket too, instead of whole ones, and you can see the seeds and the flesh - a helpful tool in picking one which will hopefully last a bit longer hiding at the bottom of your fridge...

Oddly enough, I had considered incorporating a section about its use as a sex toy.

I may add that bit about ha;f cucumbers as it's relevant to current concerns about people buying more food than they need, and it going to waste.

I was once told that a half-cucumber was known as a cuke.

I guess the other half's an umber.

* That quote is already in the Entry, although I didn't mention Boswell (only Johnson) *


Good....and like I said, I've not read it. I'm relying on others too.


(Honest, I detest the bloody things)

As a sex toy I'd never considered

"Later on it was discovered that the fruits of unpollinated female flowers are sweet. Nowadays, most varieties have all-female flowers."

I think it is only a few varieties that can produce decent fruit without pollination. Even in a lot of cases where all-female varieties are grown for fruit, they are often grown next to polleniser varieties (which are grown just for pollen) and beehives, because of the problems non-pollination can cause in the fruit.

Wunderfulmight try that skinles one th

Hi KB,

Thanks for that. I've avoided going into that too much as, not being a botanist, I can't get my head around the intricacies of cucumber pollination and its ramifications

However, the typical traditional cucumber is 'monoecious, producing both a male (staminate) and a female (pistillate) blossom. Male blossoms appear first and soon drop from the vine without bearing any fruit. However, the vines will soon bloom again with both male and female flowers and continue blooming throughout the growing season.
I think that, if cross-pollinated by other species, bitter fruits result.
Cucumbers intended to be grown in the greenhouse are 'parthenocarpic' and 'gynoecious - i.e bear only female flowers that don't require pollination to bear fruit. If flowers are fertilised then bitter fruits result.Hence these plants need to be protected from pollinating insects such as bees.

That is how I understand it at present, but I don't feelk I understand it sufficiently to justify changing what I've put in the text so far

A
Cucumber vines bear plentyful amounts of fruit as long as you harvest them before they reach full their maturity.

A link for you Big Al: A27019505 - lungs

I personally use cucumber slices as a beauty treatment for my eyes so I'm glad to see mention of that

This looks ready to serve up to the Eds

GB

I've added that link

A

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