h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I've only just spotted this entry in Peer Review (or else I'd forgotten it was there).

Here are some problems I spotted in the first part of it:


Each state and region, are in their own way a little country.
-->
Each state and region is in its own way a little country.

the state capitol Tallahassee --> the state capital Tallahassee

and is the state where the classic American novel --> and this is the state where the classic American novel

named for the Mississippi River --> named after the Mississippi River

Phrasing:

"Charleston, one of the most pleasant cities in the US, is in South Carolina, as is the state capital and largest city, Columbia"

I'm not sure what you intended here, but you seem to be saying that Columbia, the largest city and capital of South Carolina, is in South Carolina.

It fought on the Confederate side of the Civil War --> It fought on the Confederate side in the Civil War

and is well known for coal mining --> and it is well known for coal mining

Here's the rest of it:

and the southern border the Ohio River --> and the southern border by the Ohio River

is the an almost rectangular state --> is an almost rectangular state

it is also home of the Second Largest Ball of Twine --> it is also home to the Second Largest Ball of Twine

and Lake Saint Clair is known --> and Lake Saint Clair, is known

Pierre is the state capital, in roughly the centre of the state -- add a full stop.

one of the least large --> one of the smallest

The state capital Annapolis a bit more southerly. --> The state capital Annapolis is a bit more southerly.

it is also ninth in the country for population size --> it is ninth in the country for population size

resulting the highest population density --> resulting in the highest population density

it is called the Grand Canyon state often --> it is often called the Grand Canyon state

around Denver, which is the capitol --> around Denver, which is the capital

nickname of the state 'The Golden State' --> the nickname of the state 'The Golden State'

North is San Francisco Bay, where Berkeley, Oakland, San Jose and San Francisco sit around
-->
The cities of Berkeley, Oakland, San Jose and San Francisco sit around San Franciso Bay in the north.

to have been added to the Union --> to be added to the Union

Honolulu is positioned --> Honolulu, the capital, is positioned

The White House is the symbol --> The White House, in Washington DC, is the symbol

Then you'll have to reword the next paragraph slightly.

The US Congress is housed in the US Capitol Building --> Again in Washington DC, the US Congress is housed in the US Capitol Building

Wow Gnomon, that's thorough!

Sorry to be a pain, but I'm still not sure about this: "Massachusetts is a very historic, unique state". It can't be very unique, it's either unique or it isn't. I know you're referring to the history of the state, but it reads about like you're saying "Massachusetts is a very historic and very unique state". As I say, I know you're not, but I just think it would be better reworded slightly. How about "Massachusetts is a unique and very historc state"?

RE the quote about Texas - maybe you could say something about how big it is, then have the quote, then say the rest?

Just a thought.

Gnomon - this weekend

Elentari - I like that solution to the Texas thing very much. And I'll fix the Massachusetts bit this weekend.

Your Guide Entry has just been picked from Peer Review by one of our Scouts, and is now heading off into the Editorial Process, which ends with publication in the Edited Guide. We've therefore moved this Review Conversation out of Peer Review and to the entry itself.

If you'd like to know what happens now, check out the page on 'What Happens after your Entry has been Recommended?' at EditedGuide-Process. We hope this explains everything.

Thanks for contributing to the Edited Guide!

It looks like this was picked before Jodan got a chance to make those suggested changes. Can the Sub Editor please contact Jodan about exactly what he wants to do?

It was picked before Jodan got a chance to make a lot of necessary changes It wasn't ready. I still had to work on the into paragraphs to the regions with Mikey, your corrections, and I would have liked a chance for further collaboration.

Now what do I do?

hopefully the sub will stop by here and will contact you ?

This is definitely a case of premature picking. Besides, I was under the impression that updates weren't supposed to be picked via the normal process, anyway, even if they were going through PR due to being total rewrites. That certainly isn't what we were told when the current Update process first debuted.

Anyway, I've posted to the Scouts yahoogroup and asked that this thread be returned to PR, and that the entry be 'unpicked' for now.

Thanks Mikey

I don't want to work with a sub on this. I want to be able to work on this like a normal entry in Peer Review.

Any ideas on how to revise my Pacific intro to make it more clear?

Not yet.

Ok, taken care of Gnomon's comments and Elentari's.

Mikey, I'm still considering the Pacific region thing. I've only been there once, though, so I'm afraid I don't know too much about the region.

OK, I will get going on the one for the Rocky Mountain region today -- and will think about how to clarify the Pacific one.

Sorry, just realised what I said earier in the thread: "I'm not sure historical is a word!" I have no idea why I said that. Of course "historical" is a word, you're quite right Jodan. I think I meant that it was used incorrectly in that context.

About the Californie quote - any way of integrating it into the section nin the sam way you did for the Texas quote? Perhaps you could mention that some people don't like California (or something), then the quote, then the rest? Also, I can't remember if you mentioned the earthquakes, San Andreas fault etc. Might be worth adding if not.

OK, here's a start on the Rocky Mountain region one --

The Rocky Mountain states are most known for being bastions of independence in what is sometimes viewed as a nation of conformity. While the region is sometimes associated with paramilitary organizations, survivalist groups, and isolationist regligious sects, such groups comprise only a small fraction of the population. Each of the Rocky Mountain states truly has its own 'flavor', but perhaps the most pervasive quality across the region is a diehard adherence to federalist principles - each of these states has a history of fighting for the right to decide issues at the local, rather than at the national level.

Overall, this region has a significantly lower population density than the others, but includes several of the country's more popular vacation destinations.

Hmmm. Seems overly political to me, given the writing style of the rest of the article. That is, it would seem be a bit out of place. Might we be better served to focus on the reasons why the rocky mountain states' residents are so avidly anti-centrist when it comes to power and government? The real reason is something you mention almost as an afterthought - that the population density is so low is what marks the greatest difference between the dense and crowded coastlines and other areas of the country. Population density is not only due to the fact that we have few people, but that we have few people spread out over HUGE areas. Most people that have not been here for any length of time cannot truly appreciate this.

Of course, it's highly dependent on which issues exactly, but we (I count myself among them since I've lived in a Rocky Mtn state since 1984) sort of resent federal government intrusion that seems (to us) to be borne of ignorance and unappreciation of life in these wild, open areas. This is not to say that we don't have cities and urban areas, suburban areas with all their problems, that could benefit and to which the resolutions would be more applicable. It's not to say that the other extreme doesn't also exist of isolationist lunatics that would rather die their way than live someone else's way, poor bastards. It's just saying that we do tend to prefer to be governed by someone who has a nickel-worth notion about life out here.

By the way, I'm having a little fun with the image you've created, just in case this humor is too subtle for internet message board postings.

Really, I think something more along the lines of how people in the USA commonly see the Rocky Mtn states as tourist areas (and, increasingly, a place to move into) and what the "locals" think about that (ranges from cautious optimism to dismay and sometimes downright hostility) should be in the intro. Mention could be made at that point that the entire ideal of being a "local" is necessarily handicapped by the fact that - as one goes back in time - the history of people taking the land from other people, either through war or industrial/government/military development, goes back as far as anyone can yet determine, the reliability and pervasiveness of oral history versus written history notwithstanding. It's reached the point where the term "local" might as well be "currently occupying majority rule." Native Americans are not exempt from this description, by the way - over their own history, nomadic tribes have taken control of the lands from pueblo tribes, and vice versa.

Whoops, there I went and brought socio-political stuff back into it. Damn.

Such places of stunning beauty, are the rocky mountain states - after a while of living here, one learns to admire (not just appreciate) the land itself, from the massive mountains to the deep canyons, the deserts to the forests to the grasslands, and the lakes and rivers to the giant sand dunes. Maybe we should just say that, as turbulent as the politics and peoples have been over the past thousands of years, it's nothing compared to the schitzophrenia of the weather. Through it all, the land remains nearly untouched, old and elegant, more as if it prefers to wear the chaos of the people living on it like a fashionable dress that, despite slight changes over the years, never really goes out of style. Out here, one is truly humbled and awed by the land itself. But yeah, we still have a lot of weirdos.

- JD (in need of a vacation and showing it)

JD, would you like to have a try at the Rocky Mountains intro?

Time to put my money where my mouth is, eh? Sure, I'll take a shot at it. Might just rewrite the last paragraph of that long winded ramble I posted the other day.

- JD