Marketing Geniuses
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Marketing (or morketing) is, along with Public Relations and Agents for Sportspeople a relevantly recent career development. Previously known as sales administration it has developed to such an extent over the last two decades that there are now few people on the planet whose lives remain untouched by the Marketing Mix.
QUALIFICATIONS
No qualifications are actually needed, although the ability to stand upon two feet and the possession of opposable thumbs are occasionally deemed necessary. However, being such a burgeoning industry, Marketing has developed qualifications for itself that up until recently simply would have been laughed out of any responsible place of learning. So it is now possible to embark on any one of thousands of courses where people with no qualifications (there weren't any in those days) teach people with no imagination the value of acronyms. The courses are actually designed to teach aspiring Marketers (the term 'Marketeers', as they were previously known, is now seen as passé, dear) that their chosen career is a very detailed science instead of basic common-sense and guesswork.
PERFECT CANDIDATES
You know them well, they are some of the many people whom you might have encountered in school - the ones who firmly made up the middle ground, the not-particularly-talented, not-particularly-untalented, average-grade, the I-don't-really-know-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life-but-preferably-something-that's-not-too-demanding crowd - naturally gravitated towards this section of what is laughably known as the business community.
CAREER DEVELOPMENT
Generally extremely rapid, the most successful marketers are those whom have left jobs and moved on before anybody has had a chance to discover that, in fact, they are completely useless. From such humble beginings these people can rise to the position of being experts on absolutely everything. You name it they know it.
Human behaviour?
"Yup got that one completely sussed."
Global drinking practices?
"Easy , ask me another."
Who drives what car?
"Hah, I laugh at such simple teasers."
The sexual, religious, clothing, culinary and media preferences of Mr John Smith from Camden Town, London?
"Is that John M. Smith or John W. Smith?"
THE END RESULT
Reams and reams of research, millions of pounds spent on pack, product and placement development, thousands spent on power breakfasts, working lunches and self congratulatory nights out.
And the result? Well, quite often the bottom line in all this will be to
(a) formulate a detailed and incredibly insightful one line description of consumers attitudes to a particular product, and (b)produce a strategy to ensure that whatever the brand in question can rise to a position of unparalleled supremacy within its particular category. Which more often than not goes something like this:
(a)PEOPLE LIKE DRINKING BEER
(b)WE SHOULD SELL THEM SOME
20th century society quite simply knows no higher artform
QUALIFICATIONS
No qualifications are actually needed, although the ability to stand upon two feet and the possession of opposable thumbs are occasionally deemed necessary. However, being such a burgeoning industry, Marketing has developed qualifications for itself that up until recently simply would have been laughed out of any responsible place of learning. So it is now possible to embark on any one of thousands of courses where people with no qualifications (there weren't any in those days) teach people with no imagination the value of acronyms. The courses are actually designed to teach aspiring Marketers (the term 'Marketeers', as they were previously known, is now seen as passé, dear) that their chosen career is a very detailed science instead of basic common-sense and guesswork.
PERFECT CANDIDATES
You know them well, they are some of the many people whom you might have encountered in school - the ones who firmly made up the middle ground, the not-particularly-talented, not-particularly-untalented, average-grade, the I-don't-really-know-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life-but-preferably-something-that's-not-too-demanding crowd - naturally gravitated towards this section of what is laughably known as the business community.
CAREER DEVELOPMENT
Generally extremely rapid, the most successful marketers are those whom have left jobs and moved on before anybody has had a chance to discover that, in fact, they are completely useless. From such humble beginings these people can rise to the position of being experts on absolutely everything. You name it they know it.
Human behaviour?
"Yup got that one completely sussed."
Global drinking practices?
"Easy , ask me another."
Who drives what car?
"Hah, I laugh at such simple teasers."
The sexual, religious, clothing, culinary and media preferences of Mr John Smith from Camden Town, London?
"Is that John M. Smith or John W. Smith?"
THE END RESULT
Reams and reams of research, millions of pounds spent on pack, product and placement development, thousands spent on power breakfasts, working lunches and self congratulatory nights out.
And the result? Well, quite often the bottom line in all this will be to
(a) formulate a detailed and incredibly insightful one line description of consumers attitudes to a particular product, and (b)produce a strategy to ensure that whatever the brand in question can rise to a position of unparalleled supremacy within its particular category. Which more often than not goes something like this:
(a)PEOPLE LIKE DRINKING BEER
(b)WE SHOULD SELL THEM SOME
20th century society quite simply knows no higher artform
