George Fideaux - Today's Reason to Hole Up With an Arsenal of Firearms in the Sierras

The Democratic National Convention is coming to Los Angeles.
In preparation for this event, LA County Animal Control has decided
to do something with the numerous stray dogs to be found in the
downtown area.

The first plan was for a massive collection and euthanisation, but
Hollywood soon stepped in. Celebrities and animal-rights activists rallied
to fight the plan and a new one was settled on, led by George Fideaux
of LA County Animal
Control. This plan, supposedly a humane one, was revealed this morning
in a radio interview with George on Inland Empire radio station 103.9 KCXX.

The plan is to proceed with the massive collection, and dump them.
Dump them in the Inland Empire. The DJ's were caught completely
unaware by this, as well as their entire listening audience.

Now, it's difficult to find a place to begin to discuss the problems
with this plan. How is it humane to dump these animals in an area that is
largely desert? If the dogs aren't dropped downtown somewhere, that's exactly
where they'll be. And what about the residents of the Inland Empire? There are
already plenty of strays around, thank you very much, and we don't need any more.
Funny how the celebrities seem to be okay with this...

The sad truth is that the Inland Empire, a mere 40 miles inland of Los Angeles,
has long been considered a dumping ground for the physical and societal filth of
the City of Fallen Angels. Their smog gets trapped in by the surrounding mountains,
their trash is shipped over in truckloads, and their criminals wander our cities, drawn
by the possibility of targets who are less wary than their crime-weary neighbors.

But this issue is almost trivial beside the other revelations Curious George had
for us. Within two breaths, this John Rocker of government employees managed to
offend the entire body of residents within the IE, making rampant racist and elitist
comments, as well as personally attacking the DJs and the callers. A quick summary
of his comments are that the IE is populated solely by crackheads of various lesser
races, and that all the problems faced by the people of LA are ones that the people
of the IE bring in there. He even went so far as to blame the stray dog population on
the IE... like anyone would suffer through the worst traffic in the nation to drop off
a mutt they didn't want. It would be so much easier to turn it loose in the desert...
which, incidentally, is a solution many residents of LA and Orange counties also
arrive at, and why the IE already has a definite problem with stray dogs.

He liked to think that having all those dogs running around would be a boon to
the Chinese restaurants in the area. He went further to make comments of the
superiority of Los Angeles and its citizens... let's make a quick summary of the
ways in which LA is superior:

• 1) Police. The Los Angeles Police 'Farce' is an embarassment to the entire
  nation. Despite copious charges of corruption, graft, and needless violence, the
  LA police are not only stubbornly refusing to reform, but they steadfastly deny
  that there is even a problem.

• 2) Education. In a state with a fairly good standing in the field of public
  education, LA stands out as a role model for the Alabamas and Arkansas of the
  country. Top quality education can be found in the wealthy white-bread
  neighborhoods, and its exact opposite can be found most everywhere else.

• 3) Traffic. Not only is the traffic situation the worst in the nation, but this
  is also the place that provided our culture with the term 'road rage' and freeway
  shootings.

I could go on forever, but let's get back to George. George Rocker's previous job,
when questioned, was in the Humane Society. His position there:
'I was the executioner!'

Clearly, he was assigned this position because of his people skills... or maybe it
was his deep affinity for animals? Either way, his behaviour is the sort of thing that
would get a person kicked off this website, and yet he is in a position to make decisions
for the taxpayers of Los Angeles. Now, I know that everyone who isn't an Angelino has
a chip on their shoulder about the people of LA, but I'd like to give them the benefit
of the doubt. Let this guy's words broadcast over the LA airwaves, and appear in print
in the LA Times, before any action is taken. If the people fail to get into the proper uproar,
then it will be time to proceed with the neutron bombing.

Of course, it is entirely possible that this whole thing was a radio stunt... after
all, a guy dealing with dogs named "fido"? If this is the case, the stations' building will
require far less explosives, and we'll be able to bring the whole family, and a couple of bags
of marshmallows. I find the idea of a hoax very difficult to support, however, based on
the behavior of the station following these events. Residents continued to call the station the
next day about the issue, and rather than aborting conversation on it to proceed with their
regularly scheduled guest, they continued to keep an open dialogue on the problem, and even
provided their listeners with the telephone number for the local Congressman.

And a personal note to George: I never had a decent Chinese meal in LA in my life, but
Rialto's Golden China has won national awards. Come on out and try it... I'll be
looking for you.

Author's Note: In honor of this fine man, and the epidemic of persons like him who gain
the public eye, I have created an award named for him.Come to HERE
and nominate someone who makes you embarassed to be a part of the human species from the
world of sports, politics, music, or wherever. When the nominations are complete, and the
finalists have been awarded, tune in to the Post for full coverage of'Live From Los Angeles:
The First Annual George Fideaux Total B*****d Awards!'

Colonel Sellers (Formally GargleBlaster)

19.06.00. Front Page

Back Issue Page