h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

But it was NOT the end. After protests from the regulars and an enforced re-count, it became clear that two cunning hamsters had escaped from the "hamster in a bottle competition", so the correct answer was five. The young girl, called Jane, was stripped of her title and everyone lived again...

Meanwhile the two hamsters inter-bred, and by the miracle of evolution, eventually became cheese loving squirrels. They set off in search of a Gorganzola....

(quality!)

Further evolution caused significant changes amongst the group...

Duck's became more Pink, more Fluffy, more ever-seeing...

Spitfires became crimson, Deakies became sneaky, and just after the great TBAG war of 2005, Eloisa appeared in the middle of the day, with lots of gifts, dressed seductively in her nighty...

The God of seediness returned to sort it all out, the choir sang Take That, and norty niks chipped in with a karaoke rendition....

make an ear splitting noise which cause great pain and distress to those members with a musical ear.

Despite this - many were elevated to god-hood. Except the lowly peasants.

The lowly peasants were often seen banded together in sinister huddles. Buckets of jam sandwich vomit were thrown from high windows of questionable establishments, covering them in layers of slime. The peasants agreed a revolt against the High Gods, Godesses, and Deakie Nymphs. The date of the revolt is not known, but rumoured to be near....

fearing a blood bath beyond the skills of Oxyclean the all seeing eye of the Beeb withdrew the gift of mighty message boarding, thereby resinstating an air of peace and calm.

The following morning however, ...........

(title of this thread is a bit of an oxymoron now - Agent will not be pleased if and when he returns!)

The following morning however, ...........

Spit got back from the Pub... Sobered up with a few bottles of Red (Yes, RED Wine) piled straight back in to the drinks cabinet, and handed out free

and

at her expense!!!

you have to be there or be square!

This is very tiring and is ruining my poor wee mouse!

Meanwhile, the mouse weed all over the place, just after Deakie had cleaned up...

Spit was called to the office for further training...

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Staff Devlopment - my nightmare!

Ahh.. But DDD did not explain the nature of the staff training

Trained now?

oh yes

Good!

Now that the Crimson Spitfire was blissfully satisfied, Doo Doo of the Deep set off in order to spread his wisdom, agility, humour, and un-deniable desire amongst the southern sun-soaked maidens. He arrived in the Algarve...

DEAKIE?

DEAKIE!

where are you hon - Deep Doo Doo wants you to play with him!

Following DDD's long flight to Portugese pastures, it became apparent that such magical () and influential charms were not required.

Re-programming the Sat Nav, he set off for Solihull...

Land of Rovers and Pink Fluffies...

Oi, come back!


I was snoozing and missed you flying overhead:

Rats!!



Do you know who much it costs to run this flying machine?