My Life as a Boozy Oaf

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Cheesy Egg

I have been asked to talk about Cheesy Egg.

Where can I begin to even start on the childhood blight that was Cheesy Egg? Perhaps to mention what a wonderful child I was, as I always ate the stuff even though I detested it with every fibre of my being. This was only due to the Corn Flakes incident. That was the classic moment in childhood where you, as a child, refuse to eat something and so your parents bring it out for every meal until you do. In my case the moment came over a bowl of Corn Flakes. Cheap own brand ones, no doubt called Flaky Corn or somesuch other trademark-dodging thing, which lacked any of the thrill and pizzazz of your normal, famous ones. I remember sitting it out for three meals before getting up the next morning to discover the bowl still in the fridge waiting for me. Suffice to say, after that, I always ate what I was given before it could get cold/warm/soggy/sentient. This included Cheesy Egg.

I don't know the specifics of how to make the stuff but it seemed to consist of a souffle dish filled with strong Cheddar Cheese with a couple of eggs cracked, but not mixed, into it at strategic points. This led to two vastly different tastes and textures being encountered in a pot luck stylee, with the cooked Cheddar being particularly overpowering. It sort of went CHEESE, CHEESE, CHEESE, egg, CHEESE. It took me quite a while after leaving home before I even tried cooked cheese again.

This particularly unpleasant memory was regurgitated because of a certain someone suggesting that Mince and Tatties was a poor choice for a meal. The classic Scots Mince and Tatties consists of cooked mince, possibly with an onion if you are being swish, and mashed potato... and that is that. I would, of course, add brown sauce at the table but not before. This confuses she who shall not be named who insists you ought to add some tomatoes and garlic to make a pleasing Bolognese sauce. But that is not what I am trying to make. I want mince. Steak Mince cooked and eaten as it comes. It is to me as if someone looked at my steak, sitting pristine and juicy upon its plate, just cooked through and said, 'You can't eat it like that you need to cover it with a sauce or it will just be too dull'. Doesn't the meat itself have flavour?

A steak with mash and maybe a little brown sauce is deemed to be lovely. So why not steak mince with the said same? It's easier to chew, too. I have discussed this with a number of Scots. While we may disagree about the exact ingredients (I have heard some suggest the abomination of carrots) we have all agreed that it stands up as a fine, warming meal that is an essential part of our diet.

Next Time: If you are tired of Glasgow then you are tired of mince.

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